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I don't know how to deal with my husbands family anymore

2K views 12 replies 10 participants last post by  Hicks 
#1 ·
My husbands sister and parents are constantly coming over our house unannounced. All of our arguments have to do with them. His parents call me at work everyday and when I don't answer the phone they continue to call 10 plus times. They don't want anything. I've stopped answering the phone completely. I went for an outing with our kids the other day and when I got home his sister was sleeping on our couch. I got very angry because I had a ton of stuff to do and I'm just so tired of it. My husband was angry because I was upset about it and told me it's his family and if she wants to put her feet up on the couch and sleep because she's tired then she's going to and if I have a problem with it then we don't need to be together. I don't know what to do. Am I being immature and should just deal with it or is he wrong and he needs to get his family in check?
 
#2 ·
How often is "constantly"? Like more than once a week?

Is there any point at all to their visits? What do they do when they come over all the time (other than sleep on your couch)? Do you have any beef your husband's family unrelated to their pestering? Have you spoken to them yourself about how you feel about this?

I don't think you're being immature, it sounds super annoying. It's weird that your husband is so cool with it.
 
#3 ·
More than once a week. His parents bring things over. That I do not want. For instance pictures, furniture, etc. I have asked my husband to tell them to stop bring things over and he will not do it. His mom asked me one day did I want so and so. I said no. When I got home the next day it was in my house. Which starts arguments with my husband and I. His sister does nothing but sit or lay and look on her phone. Before she leaves she takes pictures of my kids and post them on facebook and says "had so much fun with my nieces/nephews today". When she didn't spend anytime with them other than saying hi.
 
#10 ·
Not all families interact the same.

You don't want his family to just drop in, or calling you, or whatever. Nothing wrong with that.

He and is family are ok with it. Nothing wrong with that.

The problem is that neither you nor your husband want to compromise.

More than once a week. His parents bring things over. That I do not want. For instance pictures, furniture, etc. I have asked my husband to tell them to stop bring things over and he will not do it. His mom asked me one day did I want so and so. I said no. When I got home the next day it was in my house.
I used to know an old lady who did this to me all that time. She was insistence that I take all this stuff she gave me thinking that she was being so nice. What I did was to graciously thank her. Then I’d donate all of it and take a tax write off. Why not?

Which starts arguments with my husband and I.
So don’t argue. Just take the stuff, put it in a pile to donate.

His sister does nothing but sit or lay and look on her phone. Before she leaves she takes pictures of my kids and post them on facebook and says "had so much fun with my nieces/nephews today". When she didn't spend anytime with them other than saying hi.
How old is his sister? She sounds young.

So what if she tries to make her life sound more interesting than it is on Facebook? It’s not your problem. Why are you spending energy on getting all upset about what she is posting on Facebook?

I agree that you need to learn about setting boundaries. And you and your husband need to learn about how to compromise. I suggest that the two of you go to a marriage counselor to deal with this issue.
 
#7 ·
Hi Stargazer03!

OMG, I feel like we are family with you! We were at Goodwill today and found this sink/dresser that would go perfect in your bathroom. I stopped by unannounced today and am rearranging all your personal stuff to see how I can work this treasure into your life:


You mind if I help myself to that left over chicken you cooked earlier today, it sure is good. Whew! Now i'm tired and feel like watching an action movie on your TV turned up really loud while I sleep.

What would you EVER do without me!

Cheers,
Long Lost Nephew's Next Door Brother's In-Law Uncle - BadSanta
 
#9 ·
I don't think you are being immature. I would feel like they were invading my personal space. Your husband lacks empathy. You did not grow up with these ppl. How would he feel if random ppl off the street came into his home and did this? That would be closer to how you feel about it. We don't instantly develop feelings for our in-laws, that is an insane expectation. His reaction to your complaints about the intrusive behavior of his family is childish imo. You have an uphill battle here I'm afraid.
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#11 ·
I don't think you are being immature. I would feel like they were invading my personal space. Your husband lacks empathy. You did not grow up with these ppl. How would he feel if random ppl off the street came into his home and did this? That would be closer to how you feel about it. We don't instantly develop feelings for our in-laws, that is an insane expectation. His reaction to your complaints about the intrusive behavior of his family is childish imo. You have an uphill battle here I'm afraid.
Some families are ok with just dropping in. Personally I'd rather have my family feel that they could come by anytime they want. That's me.

People are different. She has to give some (she has been for a long time) and he has to give some.

They are not random people off the street.
 
#12 ·
The problem isn't with your husband's family, it's with your husband.

Look... it's his family and you have to take some family baggage when you get married and compromises do need to be made but this is just over the top.

But since he laid down the challenge of either the family or him, tell him he can move out and live with them.
 
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