Faithful wife 's article >>
Turns Out Women Have Really, Really Strong Sex Drives: Can Men Handle It? - Hugo Schwyzer
I read this article and being of a different mindset, it didn't resonate with how I FEEL in some of the things it spoke.. especially trampling on Traditional roles... I will give a few of my thoughts below...
I looked up the author.... I like to get a feel of who someone is/ a little history... here Hugo Schwyzer is a self proclaimed "Male Feminist".. a google search brought up some
very damning things... that he has admitted to being a FRAUD toxically addicted to female affirmation...that he was a Professor sleeping with his students at Pasadena City College WHILE MARRIED...
Porn Professor Hugo Schwyzer Comes Clean About His Twitter Meltdown and Life as a Fraud .... this shows his twitter words
HERE ...He spoke at sl** walk 2011
HERE ...
I can't remember where it was now, but recently a poster here said that MEN are raped
as often as women are, it's just under reported.. Hugo doesn't agree with this...but says at 0:53 "in a FEW cases, women can be the perpetrator, but there is no question the vast majority is men assaulting women".. (Hey there is something I agree with HUGO on!)....
Now to the article... my thoughts ...
Women want sex just as much as men do, and this drive is "not, for the most part, sparked or sustained by emotional intimacy and safety." When it comes to the craving for sexual variety, the research Bergner assembles suggests that women may be "even less well-suited for monogamy than men."
Ok.. what he is saying is.. WOMEN WANT TO F**K.... THEY LUST.. We have fantasies.. well yeah!!...of course we do! Is it wise to go there just because we want to.. it seems the article feels so when it gets to the "initiation" paragraph....
So we are JUST LIKE MEN & don't care about the emotional component... (even some men CARE)....We see it everyday.. not really going to argue this. I can't speak for other women..
but HUGO does NOT speak for me..
Your article is in opposition to this article
>>
Sex and Emotional Attachment -which speaks my
, deepest desires & want in the sexual..
Emotional attachment is an inevitable and most likely outcome for women after sex as it is simply part of their nature. We are emotional beings, we feel and therefore we are. I read somewhere not so long ago that women tend to become emotionally connected for up to three weeks after a sexual encounter.
To share your body with another and expect that you will not be emotionally involved is really only lying to yourself.
When I ask women what their thoughts are on the word vulnerability, most of them say it’s a sign of weakness or they don’t feel safe when they are vulnerable and the reality is, during sex, you are your most vulnerable, especially with your emotional self...
So is a little temporary sexual relief and false moment of connection, really worth the sacrifice of your yearning heart and soul and the pain of suffering rejection?
And when the lucky guy does not call you after to tell you how fabulous you were, who then is in control? Are you really valueing yourself when you give of your most intimate self so freely?
Every woman wants to feel love and connection, we need it for our very survival, that is one of the most common reasons why committed partners have affairs, to get their need for love and connection fulfilled. I don’t buy into any woman who tells me she can sleep with a man and not feel a little hurt that he is not begging to see her again, or calling with gratitude and offers for dinner dates…
If she does tell me she’s ok about his lack of after connection, I’d have to say I don’t believe it and really consider what is going on deep within her soul. I’d bet there is a state of some kind of denial happening and deep underlying fears at play… Most people really want to be loved and to love someone in return, so when do you decide to share your body as well without the risk of not being completely and lovingly received?
I guess the question to all of us is.. should we give in to our ravenous lust ...or should we weigh what is before us.. I had opportunities in my youth...this one guy I met on the beach. he looked like a rock star.. long blonde hair.. he wanted to take me back to his place..(oh the fantasies I had of that one).. I'm happy I didn't follow the itching between my legs & blow the emotional to the wind.. I may not be with my husband today... it also would have changed how I looked upon Sex and it's deeper meaning & purpose.
Bergner's work puts what may be the last nail in the coffin of the old consensus that women use sex as a means to get something else they really want, such as enduring monogamous emotional intimacy and the goods and safety that come in marriage with a protector and provider. In her review, Salon's normally hyperbole-averse Tracy Clark-Flory was beside herself: "This book should be read by every woman on earth," she writes; "the implications are huge."
What are the implications.. what are they aiming for again? Do we want a world where few care about the enduring monogamous emotional intimacy & Marriage ..do we want men who no longer care to Protect & Provide... that a nail in the coffin on these thoughts should be celebrated ?? I think we should be careful what we are wishing for here.
I looked up the book..
What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire - Daniel Bergner
Bergner said " Despite the notions our culture continues to imbue, this force is not, for the most part, sparked or sustained by emotional intimacy and safety.” In fact, he argues, “one of our most comforting assumptions, soothing perhaps above all to men but clung to by both sexes, that female eros is much better made for monogamy than the male libido, is scarcely more than a fairy tale." Ok.. again.. what he is saying is:
Any men who believe that women care for monogamy has been lied to.. so you better be a dynamo in bed as female desire REALLY IS >>" base, animalistic and ravenous".. and if you can't please her, she'll leave you!...one of his articles
HERE...
I plan to buy this book by the way... I so agree with what he says about our fantasies.. what we really want (after all I am one who is rather SEX CRAZED....a "rape fantasy" --Yes!! ..All things EROTIC are like electric to me.. though on the other hand.. this author appears to not allow room for women who may have a more Romantic view of sexuality. or maybe he does...just not seeing it in the article though.....
If Bergner is right, men's and women's libidos are far more similar than previously imagined. If he's right, and the formidable data he marshals suggests he is, then our sexual scripts need to shift to accommodate this new reality for everyone's sake. Both men and women need to overcome what Atik calls their "wishy-washiness," and be willing to deal with the discomfort that comes from stepping outside of prescribed gender roles. That's easier said than done; as Friedman notes in her article, the data suggests that even among the young, a significant majority of both men and women think it's the job of men to make the proverbial "first move."
"for everyone's sake"...well here I am again.. I still PREFER the man to pursue.. treat me like a lady, in showing he has more than a ONS on this mind.. because I DON'T WANT "JUST SEX" da** it!... that doesn't mean I'm not horny however.... IF I DID want casual sex.. then sure..
I deeply desire the romanticism of the man seeking to pursue his lady.. nothing wrong with this view.. or want.
Bergner's considerable data suggests that when it comes to initiating sex, straight men and women will be a lot happier if they follow the lead of their gay and lesbian friends.
A lot happier.. opinions are interesting .
The research suggests that though both men and women struggle to extricate themselves from traditional gender roles, women are generally doing a much better job of it than are men. From the workplace to the university, women are far more willing to move into traditionally male spaces and adopt traditionally male behaviors than men are to do the reverse.
again -this NEED to extricate Traditional gender roles.. am I being too sensitive here? so if I am one who happened to appreciate , even look up to with AWE the differences between the sexes , enjoying those difference, where does that leave ME ? Maybe I don't care to eradicate it all..
Too many men are still stuck in the "provide, protect, and perform" model that requires women to be passive, focused more on pleasing than on their own pleasure. The "catch-22" in which women find themselves is largely a result of men's fear of being unable to perform up to women's expectations—and to satisfy desires that men have only just begun to realize are as intense and earthy as their own.
I don't see a problem with wanting to please our men.. we should deeply admire our men for all they bring... if we don't feel this .. I would think something is missing or he is not treating us right...
I suppose TOO MANY WOMEN have been passive in the bedroom, putting down their own needs.. is this what they mean.. not speaking up, but just going with the flow -because some how they have been led to THINK this is what women Do... Even though this is not something I personally relate too.. (just never been passive here).. I would cause a ROAR if I was not satisfied .. but anyway..
If this is going on.. then YEAH.. I am with you all.. I heartily agree ! :smthumbup:...This should be opened up..caring for your own Pleasure ...be assertive in the sexual.. let your man know what you want !@# Open up the fantasy talk ..... exploring together, so many aids to help you get there today... It should never be ALL about HIM and "just his" pleasure...it's meant to be the most fulfilling giving & receiving.
"The sexual landscape (remains) ruled by male desires and insecurities," Amanda Hess writes in her Slate review of What Do Women Want. It is those insecurities (and the specter of the violence into which those insecurities sometimes erupt) that keep men from having their sexual desires fulfilled. As this new book shows, women's desires are fully equal to men's—and equally confined by men's maddening unwillingness to abandon the useless sexual scripts they themselves have written.
What are they calling
useless here.. those of us who still like to be pursued in a romantic way with the man taking the lead.. .. women who still feel monogamy is important...why is it assumed if one is of this mindset.. we don't care about our sexual pleasure ??
I guess this is how I read this article.. I don't see why it had to rip on traditional anything.