aldorakitty

i would like to start with the fact that i am married and have been with my husband for almost 2 years. my husband is in the Navy and one of the guys that he works with has become a good friend to everyone in the family. sometimes we talk ether text or on the phone. now he is closer to my own age and is very inteligent and well versed in many subjects. my husband is 3 years younger then me and is more of a gear head. i love him but sometimes i dont want to talk about his work or cars. now my husbands friend, lets call him Jim, Jim's wife is much younger then all of us. she isnt even 20, never graduated high school, no drivers licence and wont let Jim out of her sight. if he has to leave to do something she will cry throw a fit or if she wont get her way say she is leaving him. its getting to the point were she is now saying that Jim and I are having an affair and is trying to cause problems with everyone. I am not in any relationship with Jim. we both enjoy eachothers company for intelectual reasons but it is gettin unbearable to be around his wife and yet i cant manage to spend time with him without her there. is there anything i can do? for the record im not trying to spend alone time with him, my husband is usualy there and does everything he can to get jim some time away from his wife. my husband suports my friendship with jim so thats not part of the problems. please help me.

Viseral

A) I think you're setting yourself up for an emotional affair with Jim.

B) I think Jim has a lot of work cut out for him with his very young and insecure wife. I don't know, but his wife may have legitimate reasons for her feelings.

C) I think your ambitions to spend time with a married man apart from his wife are morally questionable.

I don't see what good could possibly come from you spending more time with Jim, especially apart from his wife. It's not good for your marriage or for Jim's. My advice, put some distance between you and Jim citing the valid reasons listed above. This would have the added bonus of not having to deal with his wife. Doing the right thing isn't easy, but in the end you'll be much better off for doing so.

Hicks

She sounds like the mature one. She is enforcing proper boundaries in her marriage. You are the immature one here. A friend does not drive a wedge in someone's marriage, that is a selfish and immature act.

rider03

Rob774

To the OP, perhaps you just wrote this the wrong way, but the way you presented this to us... you come out looking like the bad guy (girl) than the OW. Seriously, i am very cool with alot of friend's wives, some i have known BEFORE their husbands met them. I have NONE of their cell phone numbers, and only briefly chat with them via FB.

Kobo

From what I know about Navy marriages, you should back off your husbands friend.
Ive seen too many shipmates hurt by the relationship between their wife and a so called friend.
Posted via Mobile Device

Jellybeans

What you do is stop hanging out with them altogether.

I would not be comfortable AT ALL hanging out with a married guy regardless of who's around when his wife has loudly proclaimed she suspects an affair (whether it's true or not).

It does sound like you may like Jim, from your post and that is no good cause you're married.

No more hanging out with them. If Jim asks, tell him you don't want any problems and he needs to focus on his marriage and you need to focus on yours.

There is a smidge of your post coming across as if you may like Jim in a not-so-friendly way but hey I could be wrong........

aldorakitty

after reading everyones vews i realized how it may seem. i would like to point out that i have tried to be friends with Jims wife for over a year. its not like im only trying to spend time with him. most of the time he just wants to get away to spend time with my husband while i go out with my other friends as my husband only has a few friends were we are. if there was a way for me to show her that i would like to be friends with her to if she would just stop acting the way she is then i would do it in a heart beat. if this changes anything please let me know if you still feel the same way then thank you for your advice.

JessiTexas40s

Maybe try talking to her alone over lunch, be a mentor. She sounds like she could use an "intellectual" friend herself. I'm not blaming you for your irritation, I have almost no tolerance for idiots but my son in law, Forrest Gump has taught me great patience with ignorance...

Jellybeans

The thing is, she does not want to be friends with you.
She sees you as an imposition on her marriage.
So you need to accept and respect that.

Back off.

Tourchwood

I agree with Jim's wife

you need to back off.

aldorakitty

backing off would be fine if i didnt have to l didnt have to live with them.

Jellybeans

That does complicate things.

From you rinitial post, you said the husbands work together, but did not mention all 4 of you LIVE together.

Are you all living in a house together? Elaborate.

aldorakitty

ok sorry i should have brought that up. jim and his wife lived seperate when my husband and i first met. at that point in time jims wife and i were at least polite to eachother. then their finaces got tight so my husband and i decided that since we had a large house that we could spare the room. my husband cant stand to see anyone in a bind so it seemed like the natural thing to do. they will be moving out in a few months as they got military housing but untill then its going to be very hard not to talk to someone over the dinner table or passing them in the hall

Jellybeans

You're going to have to talk to her if she's living in your house. I'd tell her straight up, you don't want to cross any boundaries but hope you can at least be civil to eachother until they move.

DO NOT spend any time w/ him alone. I WOULD bring this entire issue up with your husband if you haven't already. Maybe they can move sooner?

I wouldn't feel comfortable living with these two if I were you. I wouldn't want that sort of thing in my house.

This is Drama Central waiting to happen.