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Constant moaning and whinging

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#1 · (Edited)
I have been married to my wife for 21 years. The last 10 of which have been sexless. I stay - for the time being - because I couldnt not live without our children being a constant in my life. But this isn't about that.

My wife spend her life (seems like it) moaning and complaining about virtually anything and everything.

Eg.: we live in a tropical country where the night time temperature hovers around the 30-32c mark. Due to security issues we cannot have windows open at night so we have the aircon set at 20c.
My wife moans about it being too cold all the time. She goes to bed under a duvet and four heavy blankets...yet at 3am when I get up for a pee the blankets are on the floor and her top half is uncovered.

She always has something wrong with her. Nothing 'serious' but if its not a head ache its a tummy ache or a back ache or a sore throat or an aching muscle...something.

If I mention I have a headache she has one too, but worse and for longer. So I now say nothing atall.

Its got to the stage that even the children take the pi$$ and ask her if her 'willy' hurts?!!!

Just wondering if there are any other husbands (or wives) out there with the same 'challenges' and what they do to 'cope'?

I tend to simply switch off completely....and miss the time she really is seriously ill and needs help.
 
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#9 ·
She sometimes asks me why I never get headaches or feel 'off colour'...I tell her that of course I do but I just keep it all to myself because whatever I have she has but worse etc.

Or why do the children ask her if her 'willy' hurts..."because there is ALWAYS something wrong with you."
Her reaction is always the same..."You are being nasty to me"...as she exits slamming the door.

Its always someone else....never her. One would think that when the children start taking the pi$$ she would take a step back and think "Ummm...perhaps I do go on a bit"...but no, its them being nasty too.
 
#8 ·
My wife suffers from chronic depression and that manifests almost daily as complaints of mysterious physical complaints, griping and complaining about very trivial matters, need to have perfect setting and routine to go to sleep, lack of interest in sex, etc.
My wife requires far more sleep than I do and if she doesn't get it, she's screwed up for the entire next day. As far as the mysterious maladies, 90% of that is between her ears. She can be moping around like she's on death's door and if she's distracted by a friend popping over or something fun, her energy immediately returns, the complaints stop, and she's right as rain.
My ex exhibited some of the same and she was also diagnosed with depression and also Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If I had a headache, she'd immediately get a brain tumor. If I or one of the kids got a cold, she'd immediately think she had the Asian Flu. The woman was healthy as a horse but in her mind she had one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. That woman couldn't stand to have the attention spotlight on anyone but herself, even briefly. In any case, there might be a mental health explanation for some of what you're dealing with.
 
#12 ·
Mine is similar, though there's less of the psychosomatic maladies and more of the attitude of victimization. That's the lens through which she views the world. The end result is the same though - a person who is perpetually complaining and unhappy.

When life throws you crap I figure you have to deal with it as best you can, learn from it if possible, and keep a positive attitude. My wife takes it personally and takes a pessimistic attitude. At one point I asked her if she thought she experienced more trials and tribulations than most people. She didn't like the question because the implication was clear - no she doesn't. Basically her attitude just sucks!

So, in agreement with other posters above, I say it's a mental issue that she has to address at some point.
 
#13 ·
Depression is an illness every bit as real as cancer. Believe me, I understand the frustration, but if she is mentally ill it stands to reason she'd be ill-equipped to pull herself up by her bootstraps and fully participate in treatment. Thank God, I haven't spent a day of my life personally dealing with a mental illness....yet. I'm really not in a position to say what any mentally ill person could do or should do. If they could always make rational decisions they probably wouldn't be very sick.
As difficult as it is to live with someone who has a mental illness, can you imagine actually having a mental illness? My wife knows she's frequently difficult and she hates her illness far more than I do. She told me going into this thing that she had depression and Bipolar and that I would soon get sick of it and leave her. That was about 14 years ago.
How does one cope? In my case, I get on this forum and vent, pissing everyone off in the process, and then I get back to the business of dealing with it. I made a promise to do my thing, richer or poorer, sickness and in health, yada yada. Mental illness is a sickness. I wouldn't dump her for having heart disease, cancer, or for being injured in a car crash. I don't feel I'd be any more justified to dump her for being mentally ill. Besides, the next woman might turn out to be crazy as an out-house rat.
I'm not a huge church goer, but I do believe there is a Creator and He puts people together for reasons that make perfect sense to Him. We don't need to like it or understand it. We just do what we are supposed to do and trust that He knows best. Maybe i needed to learn to be more patient. Maybe she needed me to be a calming influence. I don't know. I didn't create the world. I just ride on it.
 
#15 ·
9 years, 11 months and 30 days ago you let her get away with that bad behavior.

After ten years of this it will be hard to change her ways.

But she does have a choice, you both do....fix it or go find someone that makes your both happy.

Again this should have been discussed 10 years ago.


Something tells me that her moaning and whinging gets an end result...and that's you getting out of the house.

My advise to you is ...ask her to leave instead of you!
 
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