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2K views 3 replies 3 participants last post by  Roseanne 
#1 ·
My husband of 10 years recently retired from a career where he traveled a lot on protection assignments. It's our second marriage and we have grown children. He rarely talked about the confidential workactivities although he would call me every night at the same time giving me the impression he was going to bed. Not long ago I discovered a check log for $1500 to a last name only written from his personal account. I started snooping around a little to discover this person is a single woman from a different state that is in the same line of protective work. He recently retired and had a list of colleagues numbers on a piece of paper to add to his new cell phone and she was at the top of the list. In fact he put her in his favorites I checked the phone bill then and noticed he had called her 5 times in one day. So I confronted him about it. She's working on some project he was helping her with. He said they are just friends in the same line of work and that a while back she asked him for a loan and would have lost her job without it and he was the only person she could ask because he was nonjudgmental (my ass) and her mom was sick, yadda yadda yadda. He said he didn't tell me because he knew I would be mad. A little later She sent a card with the payment of the $1500 and because I got the mail he offered me to open it. It said thinking of you on the outside and on the inside she wrote how much she enjoyed Being his partner for so many years on so many assignments. You treated me like family and I want you to know you will always be a part of mine. She signed it with respect, thanks and love. I went bezerk. He swears nothing happened and he is not an unfaithful type. I do think they had an emotional affair and his denial is the no sex no affair thought process. He promised he would not talk to her in any manner without telling me. He has yet to mention anything and it's been 3 months. I have a gut feeling he is using some secret way to talk to her, even if just casually and it's driving me crazy. As far as I know he didn't even tell her he received the check which I find odd. We made a pact, he'd tell me if he talked to her and I would let it go as long as he didn't talk to her. He probably wouldn't tell me if he did knowing I'd be mad. How can I find out? He has ways to keep computer and phone stuff out the site as he learned that on the job. Help!
 
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#2 ·
If he has taken this underground, then there are ways to find out.

Get a VAR (voice activated recorder). Secure it under his vehicle's front seat with adhesive backed Velcro.

A lot of people who cheat use their phones as secure phone booths.

He might have a burner phone. If you can get a chance to do it, search through his vehicle.

If you get any evidence do not confront him right away. You see what that does when you do not have solid evidence. It drives the affair underground. He will lie until you have solid evidence. And even then he will try to twist it.

He might not have given her a loan. It's very suspect that after you find out about the check, her "repayment" of the loan comes in the mail and you just happen to be the one who get it. There is a good possibility that it was a setup between them to appease you.
 
#4 ·
I have not found any other phone and wouldn't know how to check his for another number. He is home all day while I work so he has a lot of privacy and doesn't go out much. I considered a VAR, but where he spends most of his time is in front of a TV. I think it would pick up too much background noise. Anyone have any other ideas? I feel a little foolish spying and snooping and I'm not real good at it. I do wish to know if he is still in touch with her.
 
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