Hey everyone,
As many of you know, my marriage has been "on the rocks" lately. I've been to see an MC (alone) and at this point we're both uncertain about how this marriage will turn out.
However, I'm really hoping to get some advice on how to "keep the peace" in our house for the meantime.
Lately, my wife has been getting really annoyed about all kinds of little things. I'm not sure how to handle and ideally diffuse these situations
Here are a few examples.
We made Tacos for dinner Tues evening. My wife likes the soft burrito style tacos, but we didn't have any of those, just the hard taco shells. I offered to go buy some soft burritos, but my wife dismissed my offer. A few min later, she asks... "Did you buy more Hard tacos when you went to the store yesterday?" with an accusatory undertone (IMHO) which said "Why do you keep buying those Taco shells you know I don't like" I responded with, "No, I didn't buy those hard taco shells, but I did buy some frozen "Ole Jose Taquitos". She snapped back at me and felt I was yelling at her and giving her attitude. If I did, I didn't intend to respond this way.
She then commented how I need to stop buying processed foods referring to the Jose Ole and some Boneless skinless chicken breasts, which she considers "processed". I responded saying that I just wanted to try these taquitos since they were on sale, but we both buy processed foods (since she loves to buy Hotdogs and Hawaiian sweet rolls from Costco). But I do agree we shouldn't buy too many processed foods--as I'm trying to eat healthier and lose weight.
I don't remember her exact response, but she considered me being Defensive, uncooperative and argumentative, etc and stopped talking to me for a few min.
After she finished eating asked me to wash dishes, then went upstairs for while. After 20-30min, I had finished and went upstairs to casually ask what she was doing (I heard a lot of running around/general business so I was just curious). She seemed a bit annoyed, and told me she had just taken a shower.
Later in the evening, as I was approaching our downstairs restroom, she rushed in before me and sat down. I asked "What are you doing" (so I would know if she needed some time and I could just go upstairs and use our other restroom). She got really annoyed and said "I'm just going pee--GOSH, why do you keep asking what I'm doing?" and proceeded to say "What are you doing" in a mockery of my voice. Later I passed her as she was carrying come clothes to put away and she remarked "I'm just putting these clothes away, in case you want to know what I'm doing"
Second incident: Yesterday, she grilled some steak in late afternoon. I wasn't able to eat with her, since I had some errands to run. When I came home, she had finished eating and was drinking and talking to her Mom on her ipad. with leftover steak and rice sitting on the table. I told her I was going out to workout/jog before eating. I ran for 2 miles, came back and noticed she was upstairs. Since I had just worked out, I was pretty hungry. I ate the remaining steak and Rice (about 1 medium and one small steak fillet).
As I was washing the dishes, she called from upstairs and asked if I had left any steak for her lunch tomorrow. I told her I had and immediately realized she probably wanted me to save some for her lunch. I apologized for eating the steak and rice. At first, she didn't seem to be too bothered, but after a few minutes she came downstairs, started acting more annoyed and told me I was "selfish" and as usual, it was "All about me" and I wasn't thinking of her.
I admitted that I probably should have had more forethought, but I was hungry after working out. I told her she could have told me to save one and/or put one in her lunch container, but she tells me I should have known better. I apologized again and she asked me to make some rice.
Within the next 10-15 min, she started going on a tirade about how I didn't load the dishwasher correctly (which we don't use for washing dishes, it's just a drying rack), didn't put X things away, made her go late to go to bed because I ate her lunch.... and finally after I turned down the burner that was cooking her bratwurst (thought she asked me to turn it down, but apparently she was asking for me NOT to turn it down).
Eventually, she told me to just go upstairs and leave her to finish cooking her lunch.
Lately, she seems to have overall annoyed attitude about a lot of things... I could list plenty more.
Perhaps I'm being too much of a "NIce Guy" and yes I have bought and read "NMMNG" and read up to the chapter about reclaiming your personal power. Having started any breaking free exercises though.
Any advice on how to handle these situations?
As many of you know, my marriage has been "on the rocks" lately. I've been to see an MC (alone) and at this point we're both uncertain about how this marriage will turn out.
However, I'm really hoping to get some advice on how to "keep the peace" in our house for the meantime.
Lately, my wife has been getting really annoyed about all kinds of little things. I'm not sure how to handle and ideally diffuse these situations
Here are a few examples.
We made Tacos for dinner Tues evening. My wife likes the soft burrito style tacos, but we didn't have any of those, just the hard taco shells. I offered to go buy some soft burritos, but my wife dismissed my offer. A few min later, she asks... "Did you buy more Hard tacos when you went to the store yesterday?" with an accusatory undertone (IMHO) which said "Why do you keep buying those Taco shells you know I don't like" I responded with, "No, I didn't buy those hard taco shells, but I did buy some frozen "Ole Jose Taquitos". She snapped back at me and felt I was yelling at her and giving her attitude. If I did, I didn't intend to respond this way.
She then commented how I need to stop buying processed foods referring to the Jose Ole and some Boneless skinless chicken breasts, which she considers "processed". I responded saying that I just wanted to try these taquitos since they were on sale, but we both buy processed foods (since she loves to buy Hotdogs and Hawaiian sweet rolls from Costco). But I do agree we shouldn't buy too many processed foods--as I'm trying to eat healthier and lose weight.
I don't remember her exact response, but she considered me being Defensive, uncooperative and argumentative, etc and stopped talking to me for a few min.
After she finished eating asked me to wash dishes, then went upstairs for while. After 20-30min, I had finished and went upstairs to casually ask what she was doing (I heard a lot of running around/general business so I was just curious). She seemed a bit annoyed, and told me she had just taken a shower.
Later in the evening, as I was approaching our downstairs restroom, she rushed in before me and sat down. I asked "What are you doing" (so I would know if she needed some time and I could just go upstairs and use our other restroom). She got really annoyed and said "I'm just going pee--GOSH, why do you keep asking what I'm doing?" and proceeded to say "What are you doing" in a mockery of my voice. Later I passed her as she was carrying come clothes to put away and she remarked "I'm just putting these clothes away, in case you want to know what I'm doing"
Second incident: Yesterday, she grilled some steak in late afternoon. I wasn't able to eat with her, since I had some errands to run. When I came home, she had finished eating and was drinking and talking to her Mom on her ipad. with leftover steak and rice sitting on the table. I told her I was going out to workout/jog before eating. I ran for 2 miles, came back and noticed she was upstairs. Since I had just worked out, I was pretty hungry. I ate the remaining steak and Rice (about 1 medium and one small steak fillet).
As I was washing the dishes, she called from upstairs and asked if I had left any steak for her lunch tomorrow. I told her I had and immediately realized she probably wanted me to save some for her lunch. I apologized for eating the steak and rice. At first, she didn't seem to be too bothered, but after a few minutes she came downstairs, started acting more annoyed and told me I was "selfish" and as usual, it was "All about me" and I wasn't thinking of her.
I admitted that I probably should have had more forethought, but I was hungry after working out. I told her she could have told me to save one and/or put one in her lunch container, but she tells me I should have known better. I apologized again and she asked me to make some rice.
Within the next 10-15 min, she started going on a tirade about how I didn't load the dishwasher correctly (which we don't use for washing dishes, it's just a drying rack), didn't put X things away, made her go late to go to bed because I ate her lunch.... and finally after I turned down the burner that was cooking her bratwurst (thought she asked me to turn it down, but apparently she was asking for me NOT to turn it down).
Eventually, she told me to just go upstairs and leave her to finish cooking her lunch.
Lately, she seems to have overall annoyed attitude about a lot of things... I could list plenty more.
Perhaps I'm being too much of a "NIce Guy" and yes I have bought and read "NMMNG" and read up to the chapter about reclaiming your personal power. Having started any breaking free exercises though.
Any advice on how to handle these situations?