I recently read a post about the importance of facing your weaknesses. Made me realize that the folks who benefit most from TAM are secure enough to be 'weakness focused'. Watching them strive to improve is a joy. And seeing them turn around and pay it forward, even more so. Then there are the folks who are less secure, and engage in 'weakness avoidance or weakness denial'.
Up until a few months ago I was engaging in a form of weakness avoidance related to alcohol. I have a lot of familial experience with drink. My father was descended from German immigrants and loved his beer. It's also true that while my mother lived, he managed his drinking with the precision of a Swiss watch. I never saw him drunk or hung over. He didn't drink before 10 PM at night.
Then my mom died. Overnight he switched to scotch and turned into a total alcoholic. My older sister was his primary support person because she lived nearby. It was very hard on her.
Up until a few years ago I had a chronic case of heartburn/reflux disease. When I identified the source of that disease - a quart of milk a day contains a LOT of lactic acid - my reflux disease disappeared. And the biggest gating factor to my drinking disappeared with it. I was now healthy enough to drink as much as I wanted. Turns out I LOVE alcohol.
Last year came the realization that I was slowly getting out of control. I was up to a bottle a day of wine. I was hiding my drinking from M2. And then I started to drink Scotch. In November I decided to quit for a month which I did fairly easily. But at the end of the month, believing that I had proved I was strong enough to manage my drinking, I resumed.
A couple months ago I got drunk during the day. Really drunk. Blackout drunk. The next day M2 and I had a short, low key conversation. She said she was worried about me. Asked if I thought I was an alcoholic. I told her the truth which was this:
"I don't know if I'm an alcoholic YET. And all I mean by that is, I'm not sure how difficult it will be to permanently stop drinking right now. I do know that if I don't stop drinking completely - I WILL become the raging alcoholic my father turned into. And I'm not going to put YOU through, what he put my sister through. So yesterday was my last drink - ever."
She thanked me and offered whatever I needed in terms of support. I told her: You're a great partner and deserve a non alcoholic H. If I need your help I'll ask. Since then, we've had maybe a half dozen conversations about alcohol. I do get cravings when watching folks on TV drinking scotch/whiskey. Milder cravings when we are out and our friends are drinking wine. When we talk, I acknowledge those cravings. It helps that I can easily and honestly say: I love you a lot more than I love alcohol.
So I have a weakness for drink. I'm not strong enough to drink like a 'healthy person' does. I AM however strong enough to admit that weakness and not drink AT ALL.
So tonight I raise a glass - of ice water - to all the folks who've come on TAM and shown the strength to acknowledge, focus on and overcome their weaknesses. Collectively you've inspired me. And I thank you for that.
Up until a few months ago I was engaging in a form of weakness avoidance related to alcohol. I have a lot of familial experience with drink. My father was descended from German immigrants and loved his beer. It's also true that while my mother lived, he managed his drinking with the precision of a Swiss watch. I never saw him drunk or hung over. He didn't drink before 10 PM at night.
Then my mom died. Overnight he switched to scotch and turned into a total alcoholic. My older sister was his primary support person because she lived nearby. It was very hard on her.
Up until a few years ago I had a chronic case of heartburn/reflux disease. When I identified the source of that disease - a quart of milk a day contains a LOT of lactic acid - my reflux disease disappeared. And the biggest gating factor to my drinking disappeared with it. I was now healthy enough to drink as much as I wanted. Turns out I LOVE alcohol.
Last year came the realization that I was slowly getting out of control. I was up to a bottle a day of wine. I was hiding my drinking from M2. And then I started to drink Scotch. In November I decided to quit for a month which I did fairly easily. But at the end of the month, believing that I had proved I was strong enough to manage my drinking, I resumed.
A couple months ago I got drunk during the day. Really drunk. Blackout drunk. The next day M2 and I had a short, low key conversation. She said she was worried about me. Asked if I thought I was an alcoholic. I told her the truth which was this:
"I don't know if I'm an alcoholic YET. And all I mean by that is, I'm not sure how difficult it will be to permanently stop drinking right now. I do know that if I don't stop drinking completely - I WILL become the raging alcoholic my father turned into. And I'm not going to put YOU through, what he put my sister through. So yesterday was my last drink - ever."
She thanked me and offered whatever I needed in terms of support. I told her: You're a great partner and deserve a non alcoholic H. If I need your help I'll ask. Since then, we've had maybe a half dozen conversations about alcohol. I do get cravings when watching folks on TV drinking scotch/whiskey. Milder cravings when we are out and our friends are drinking wine. When we talk, I acknowledge those cravings. It helps that I can easily and honestly say: I love you a lot more than I love alcohol.
So I have a weakness for drink. I'm not strong enough to drink like a 'healthy person' does. I AM however strong enough to admit that weakness and not drink AT ALL.
So tonight I raise a glass - of ice water - to all the folks who've come on TAM and shown the strength to acknowledge, focus on and overcome their weaknesses. Collectively you've inspired me. And I thank you for that.