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Is this forum solely operated by divorce lawyers?

6K views 66 replies 43 participants last post by  Vinnydee 
#1 ·
Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets.

No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.
 
#10 ·
By the time most people come here their marriage is beyond repair. So yea, when a marriage is beyond repair then I guess a lot of people would suggest that they get a divorce.

You are getting one, so why are you offended that others do too?
 
#12 ·
#13 ·
All we are doing is minimising (or trying to minimise) the devastating pain that failed relationships that are not reparable and pending divorces cause.

But since you ask my practice is open 6 days a week normal working hours and I offer very good rates and supplementary PI services too :)
 
#14 ·
I think many on this site suggest divorce because they have been there/done that. Everyone wants their marriage to be "happily ever after" but over the life of a marriage individually we humans go thru many many changes, sometimes a couple grow in parallel but many times we grow in different directions. When you are married to a person who you just aren't that compatible with any longer every day becomes a struggle of stress and frustration.

Most of us here tried really hard to save our marriage, and many of us here just ended up extending our misery for an extra five or ten years. In the end once we divorced and had some time to catch our breath the same question always comes up "Why the heck did I wait so long to pull the plug?"

Sometimes divorce is the healthiest option.
 
#15 ·
I just give advice based on what i read. If someone is in a relationship or in a marriage and they are being cheated on and treated like crap I am not going to tell them to stay am I?.....

So divorce is the best option.
 
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#17 ·
Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not.
Life is too short to be miserable. Get out while you can and enjoy life, before you're looking back wondering where all the time went, and have nothing but regrets.
 
#21 ·
Many times the advice to a betrayed spouse is to file for divorce as part of the strategy to save the marriage. Most members here seem to be pro-marriage when there is hope for a good marriage. When a cheater is still in the fog but there is a possility of some redeeming value, filing for divorce can be the catalyst for the cheater to get his/her head out of their a$$.

If the cheater isn't shocked into reality by filing for divorce, the betrayed wastes less time on false reconciliation.

In some cases there is no apparent reason for hope, and the best move is to just go ahead and D immediately.
 
#26 ·
For those of us who have been here a long time, the hope that reconciliation is a successful endeavor becomes an increasingly higher flying pie. We have seen so many attempted reconcilliations attempted, only to be ambushed later on by a WS who is really not repentant or unwilling to put in the monumental amount of work over the long haul to heal their marriage and help their BS get to a place of trust.

Conversely, we have alot of BSs here who gave R all they had, and even had truly repentant WSs, but in the end could not bring themselves to re-nter the marriage due to obliterated trust and, as an extension of that lack of trust, an attraction to their WS. The betrayal was simply a deal breaker, even though at the time immediately following DDay they did not know it was a dealbreaker.

Often when the BS heals and steps away from his or her emotions, s/he is able to see that the WS is simply not the be-all-end-all they once thought, and that there is a better life waiting for them outside the damaged relationship.

I for one would rather have a nice new vase with no cracks to put my flowers in than an old shattered one held together with superglue and missing chunks here and there.
 
#30 · (Edited)
Oh yea...

10,000 years from now when they are excavating our buried 'civilization' the only thing they will find is Tupperware. That stuff is indestructible. I have my mother's. it's at least 40 years old.
 
#29 ·
By the time they are here, its often very very bad.

Atypical distribution of population.

Few people come here to post, "today was a perfectly average day with my average spouse"
 
#33 ·
In real life, people are advised to just ignore or do nothing for so long until they can't stand it.

"oh, he's just in bad mood. He didn't mean it" and so on.

If people caught problems at an earlier stage, thenthe relationship might be saved.

When I was dating my (future) husband, I was advised to just simply ignore his special friend. Uh, how do you do that if you couldn't "find" your exclusive boyfriend on a Saturday night. And if we did go somewhere where she was, am I to diss her? Is that what ignore means?

I can't see how that kind of behavior is productive in a relationship. And yet, this is the kind of advice that normal people have access to.
 
#41 ·
mostly because most here are sorry they didn't file sooner!

they see or feel the pain of the new poster coming here with problems that are unfixable. they recognize it from their own experience. and its a trigger. So they blurt out the obvious.

deciding to divorce is a tough decision. Everybody has to weed their way through the stressful painful realization that their lives and the lives of their children are going to change. That their is going to be changes in every aspect of their life and its a scary thought. What I see is when it finally becomes unbearable that's when most decide its time to divorce.
 
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#42 ·
Many people have this peculiar idea that bad marriages should be saved. Marriage isn't special - except when it actually works.

IMO, they should only be saved if the problems can be corrected and both partners want to - and do - make the effort. Otherwise find a better partner or remain single.
 
#43 ·
Many people have this peculiar idea that bad marriages should be saved. Marriage isn't special - except when it actually works.

IMO, they should only be saved if the problems can be corrected and both partners want to - and do - make the effort. Otherwise find a better partner or remain single.
the key to making anything work. Both partners willing to work on it
 
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