Every red blooded all American man wants a hot wife that is glad to see him, desires him and wants to have frequent intimate connections. I told my wife this and she of course rolls her eyes at me like I am some sort of cave man but I sincerely believe it's true
I worked way too unnecessarily hard for too many years in a business making the mistake of neglecting my wife's emotional needs. My wife was crushed because I took her for granted for many years. (about 8)
When she told me I was losing her unless I changed, I quit it cold turkey. No nights, no weekends, more affection, more attention without being smothery.
We quickly started putting warm friendship back into our relationship and the intimacy started coming back around and keeps improving. I am very happy about that. She was skeptical at first and it took her some getting used to it because it was so not like me in the past. Eventually she came around and was not suspicious of it not lasting.
When something good happens to her, I am very happy for her and my reactions and comments I would think make that very clear to her. I am her biggest fan. When something good happens to me, she might as well yawn in my face so I don't bother telling her.
She had a dream of wanting this house that I was able to purchase, I have set records at work three years in a row, we have no worries financially. I figured she would be super excited about the house and what I had accomplished for us and she would want to romp with me to celebrate. It didn't happen. I was very surprised.
It has been two years since she told me she was losing hope and I stopped messing up working too much and made her the priority and asked frequently how she is doing and what she is wanting. She has done the same somewhat for me. It seems we are both wanting to make things work.
Thing is, she is still mopey and resentful of the past even two years later with all the progress. there are many triggers that I learn about and start avoiding to make things better for her spirit. I am getting tired of it that she cant move forward with our rebuild more rapidly.
I also tell her sex with her inspires me to be even more of what she wants and that it makes it essentially effortless when we are connecting intimately.
When something awesome happens for her or for me or its a celebration day or we are in a hotel or something fun, I want to have connection sex or hanky panky flirty sex or both. Is that too transactional sex wise to "expect" a celebration romp?
She never thinks that way. She isn't frigid. She is just not focused on our hanky panky flirty celebration fun even though she asked me to make her the number one priority and I did.
It seems she wants to be my only priority and I cant do that. There are things to do that need to be taken care of. She can not seem to accept that she is not the ONLY thing in my life that is important to me, us and my daughter's well being and happiness.
When something good happens to either of us or when something bad happens and at least I want comfort of her love and pleasure to lift the clouds off me is it too much like transactional sex for it to be workable and satisfying and not weird or not?
If it is a transactional sex expectation, is that always bad?
Why Why not?
Thanks in advance for your insights, answers, effort and knowledge but I could use some help trying to figure out how to inspire my wife to let go of past hurts and move on to the marriage I hope we both want.
I worked way too unnecessarily hard for too many years in a business making the mistake of neglecting my wife's emotional needs. My wife was crushed because I took her for granted for many years. (about 8)
When she told me I was losing her unless I changed, I quit it cold turkey. No nights, no weekends, more affection, more attention without being smothery.
We quickly started putting warm friendship back into our relationship and the intimacy started coming back around and keeps improving. I am very happy about that. She was skeptical at first and it took her some getting used to it because it was so not like me in the past. Eventually she came around and was not suspicious of it not lasting.
When something good happens to her, I am very happy for her and my reactions and comments I would think make that very clear to her. I am her biggest fan. When something good happens to me, she might as well yawn in my face so I don't bother telling her.
She had a dream of wanting this house that I was able to purchase, I have set records at work three years in a row, we have no worries financially. I figured she would be super excited about the house and what I had accomplished for us and she would want to romp with me to celebrate. It didn't happen. I was very surprised.
It has been two years since she told me she was losing hope and I stopped messing up working too much and made her the priority and asked frequently how she is doing and what she is wanting. She has done the same somewhat for me. It seems we are both wanting to make things work.
Thing is, she is still mopey and resentful of the past even two years later with all the progress. there are many triggers that I learn about and start avoiding to make things better for her spirit. I am getting tired of it that she cant move forward with our rebuild more rapidly.
I also tell her sex with her inspires me to be even more of what she wants and that it makes it essentially effortless when we are connecting intimately.
When something awesome happens for her or for me or its a celebration day or we are in a hotel or something fun, I want to have connection sex or hanky panky flirty sex or both. Is that too transactional sex wise to "expect" a celebration romp?
She never thinks that way. She isn't frigid. She is just not focused on our hanky panky flirty celebration fun even though she asked me to make her the number one priority and I did.
It seems she wants to be my only priority and I cant do that. There are things to do that need to be taken care of. She can not seem to accept that she is not the ONLY thing in my life that is important to me, us and my daughter's well being and happiness.
When something good happens to either of us or when something bad happens and at least I want comfort of her love and pleasure to lift the clouds off me is it too much like transactional sex for it to be workable and satisfying and not weird or not?
If it is a transactional sex expectation, is that always bad?
Why Why not?
Thanks in advance for your insights, answers, effort and knowledge but I could use some help trying to figure out how to inspire my wife to let go of past hurts and move on to the marriage I hope we both want.