Where to start... I have been married for 6 years and have a 5 year old daughter with my spouse. To put it upfront I feel sad in my marriage 80% of the time. I am not the perfect wife, I know. Let me start by describing how I am before I start pointing fingers. I do not trust anyone, including my husband. I find myself questioning what he is doing all the time. Why I do I will say later. I consider myself just enough jealous and I am guilty of looking through his cellphone and nosing through his social media accounts. I am also too needy when it comes to attention. I like to spend time with my family and would get irritated, for example, if he goes to the gym because that takes time from our already hectic schedules.
Now I will describe what has me questioning my marriage all of the time. My husband is hardworking and a great dad. However, I have found him erasing things (like his web history, chat history) from his cellphone so that I won't see and that for me is very suspicious. Also, I have caught him sending short porn flicks and random sexy pictures of women to his friends and commenting things like "She is delicious. I would eat her all day". That made my heart sink especially since he hardly kisses me or even makes love to me. To add to this I caught him masturbating in the bathroom while he thought I was in bed. I mean come on, I am in bed, so why doesn't he make love to me instead. I feel like he has lost all the spark he once had for me. He doesn't take any time to do anything special for me and most of the time he forgets anniversaries and special events. When he does remember he congratulates me and end of story, nothing else. Like I said before I question him all the time because I have caught him lying to me about where he has been. I want to add that I try communicating with him my thoughts, ideas, interests and feelings but he is uninterested. When we argue he always grabs his keys and tells me that he is leaving and I find myself stopping him all the time. Dragging myself down each time. All I think about is divorce although I love him so much and that would probably depress me as much as not feeling his love right now. I also think about him grabbing his keys one more time and me letting him go so that this drama can end already. Anyone please help
Now I will describe what has me questioning my marriage all of the time. My husband is hardworking and a great dad. However, I have found him erasing things (like his web history, chat history) from his cellphone so that I won't see and that for me is very suspicious. Also, I have caught him sending short porn flicks and random sexy pictures of women to his friends and commenting things like "She is delicious. I would eat her all day". That made my heart sink especially since he hardly kisses me or even makes love to me. To add to this I caught him masturbating in the bathroom while he thought I was in bed. I mean come on, I am in bed, so why doesn't he make love to me instead. I feel like he has lost all the spark he once had for me. He doesn't take any time to do anything special for me and most of the time he forgets anniversaries and special events. When he does remember he congratulates me and end of story, nothing else. Like I said before I question him all the time because I have caught him lying to me about where he has been. I want to add that I try communicating with him my thoughts, ideas, interests and feelings but he is uninterested. When we argue he always grabs his keys and tells me that he is leaving and I find myself stopping him all the time. Dragging myself down each time. All I think about is divorce although I love him so much and that would probably depress me as much as not feeling his love right now. I also think about him grabbing his keys one more time and me letting him go so that this drama can end already. Anyone please help