Why did my love died for my wife?
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Old 06-06-2011, 12:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Why did my love died for my wife?

I've been married to my high school sweetheart for over 18 years, we dated for 7. She was my first only girlfriend and woman in my life. We have teenage kids, I've always been a very close father to them and husband to my wife. I suffer from depression and I'm an only child wich always wanted a sister and big family. My life consisted of going out with my kids and wife and my nieces each weekend. My wife cleans house and cooks, I do homework with kids since they were in kindergarden, iron clothing, are the one to know what's out there and always has a plan were to take kids, always dedicated to my wife and family. I buy holiday cards, gifts for teachers, clothing for daughter. My wife is not one to know much about movies out there so I always plan on new movies for kids. I've always felt lonely on this side of things as if I was on my own. For last 3 years wife has been cold as far as sex an affection. I started talking with a new lady at my job, it increased to phone conversation about our kids daily, next thing we started having an emmotional affer and now are in love with each other. I feel like leaving my wife and kids for this new person, i can't be without talking to new person, we love each other dearly. Thiking about living with each other. Is this a bad idea?
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Old 06-06-2011, 01:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

Bad idea? Yes.

You are in the "fog" of affair, the chemicals in your brain giving you the "high" just as a youngster in love with his first crush, not realizing you would or could ever feel this way again. But you can, we all can, when the right pieces in place.

This "high" is identical to a drug high, that is why you always thinking of this other person and looking for your next fix. This is how emotional affairs often turn to physical affairs and then turn to a disaster.

Stop the nonsense with this job lady.

That is just a bad idea on top of a bad idea. No sense in wrecking your career along with your marriage at the same time.

Put the same effort to discovering your wife as this job lady, to get your sexual "high" from inside the marriage, not some stranger from without.

Needless to say, if your wife is sexually distant and all these other tings, you have work that you are neglecting in your marriage anyway.

Even the job lady, where you to marry her after destroying your current marriage, will be the same way sexually with the same neglect after the same time wit the same behavior on your part if you do not change. Don't be fooled!

Stop your emotional affair.

Stop confiding in any "just friends" women about these marriage issues, nothing but danger danger danger! Find a good man to speak to about these things instead, or even the good men on this very forum would be a tousand times better than the fire you are playing with (at work even!)

Imagine you just met your wife today. What you do for her to get to know YOU?

Fold and iron laundry? Buy clothes for kids?

OF course not!

You do the same things you dreaming of doing with this job lady, planning of times to get togethr, maintaining your appearance, putting best foot forward, being humorous, sharing your deepest hopes, sharing your greatest fears, sharing your daringest dreams.

All these tings you instead need to be doing with your wife, and not just ironing clothes things!

Light the sexual fire to your wife and you, instead of the misery and destruction of some affair between you and this job lady!

I wish you well.
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Old 06-06-2011, 02:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

Most relationships die because the partners do not know how to keep the initial excitement and feelings alive and even growing. Very few of us learn good relationship skills at home so we go off into life unprepared to make a good one. Our marriage works because we read a few relationship books and use the methods and skills we learned there. I had to learn a lot to fill in the gigantic gap in my terrible lack of relationship skills thanks to very INADEQUATE PARENTAL role models.
HELP your kids by learning how to make a relationship work BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

Quote: I feel like leaving my wife and kids for this new person,

jim: Unless you can see a way to revive and rebuild your marriage, leaving you kids can be the best thing FOR THEM because it is certain that the unhappiness and misery in your current family is DEVASTATING to your kids. One unhappy parent is better for any kid than TWO UNHAPPY PARENTS - that's been my experience!
good luck

Last edited by jimrich; 06-10-2011 at 12:04 AM.
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Old 06-06-2011, 02:41 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

I agree with what they are saying. If my husband was doing that of course Idont know for sure what my husband is doing, that would destroy the relationship. Stop with the little emotional and fall through what they are saying. Tell her the honest truth be up front. Just sit down with your wife and tell her what you are feeling and tell her that she is being cold and not affection. I am women so I think I know a little bit. I hope I cam across like it needed. I hope everything gets better for you and your wife. God Bless.
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Old 06-06-2011, 02:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

I think you owe it to the marraige and your kids to sit down with your wife (1st), tell her what is on your heart, talk about how you both came to this place of divide , what you feel you are missing from the marraige , that you need more from her. See if she will read this book with you to reawaken the passion you have been missing for some time Amazon.com: Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin With Your Spouse (9781580627924): Shmuley Boteach: Books

If you find your wife has NO interest in hearing you out, caring about your concerns, but brushing them aside, she is rejecting of working on the relationship, then you need to be upfront with her about this other woman immeidately and let her know divorce will be the next step.

18 yrs is a long time, sometimes a mid life crisis can make one want to find passion again. Do your all to re-ignite with your spouse!! It can be done if both partners are on board and want it !
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Old 06-06-2011, 03:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

Quote:
Originally Posted by youtubelud View Post
I've always felt lonely on this side of things as if I was on my own. For last 3 years wife has been cold as far as sex an affection. I started talking with a new lady at my job, it increased to phone conversation about our kids daily, next thing we started having an emmotional affer and now are in love with each other.

Textbook fog. I swear to gawd, the ones in the fog all sound the same!

Quote:
Originally Posted by youtubelud View Post
I feel like leaving my wife and kids for this new person, i can't be without talking to new person, we love each other dearly. Thiking about living with each other. Is this a bad idea?
It's not only a bad idea, it's a stupid idea. How about dealing with your marriage and kids first before you walk out on them cause someone got you hard. Sorry if that's frank and blunt but sometimes people need a 2x4.

Tell your wife today about your affair. And your kids. Is the OW married?
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Old 06-08-2011, 09:49 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

Should you leave? Thats up to you. Only you can decide that. Why is your wife distant? I don't know. When was the last time you went out as a couple for a date? Just you and her as adults? When me and the wife have our date night, It brings us closer together and reminds us why we fell in love with each other. Should you tell your wife about the other woman. Hell no. Doing so would destroy your relationship.
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Old 06-08-2011, 10:06 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

I agree with everyone on here. Try to find out what went wrong in your marriage and try to re-ignite your passion for your wife. Your wife deserves to know how you are feeling and to give her a chance to fix whatever happened. You have already waited too long by not talking to her before you started seeking affection elsewhere.

I too am married to my highschool sweetheart and your story breaks my heart because deep down I have always had the fear of him doing just what you are doing to your family. I am one of the lucky ones because our marriage just seems to get better with time and mainly because of communication.
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Old 06-09-2011, 12:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

Quote:
Originally Posted by youtubelud View Post
I've been married to my high school sweetheart for over 18 years, we dated for 7. She was my first only girlfriend and woman in my life. We have teenage kids, I've always been a very close father to them and husband to my wife. I suffer from depression and I'm an only child wich always wanted a sister and big family. My life consisted of going out with my kids and wife and my nieces each weekend. My wife cleans house and cooks, I do homework with kids since they were in kindergarden, iron clothing, are the one to know what's out there and always has a plan were to take kids, always dedicated to my wife and family. I buy holiday cards, gifts for teachers, clothing for daughter. My wife is not one to know much about movies out there so I always plan on new movies for kids. I've always felt lonely on this side of things as if I was on my own. For last 3 years wife has been cold as far as sex an affection. I started talking with a new lady at my job, it increased to phone conversation about our kids daily, next thing we started having an emmotional affer and now are in love with each other. I feel like leaving my wife and kids for this new person, i can't be without talking to new person, we love each other dearly. Thiking about living with each other. Is this a bad idea?
Bad idea? Well, I hate being judgemental but I'm afraid I'm going to have to be honest and say "Yes". I say that because I know what it is like. I had depression/anxiety, my marriage was failing and the easy option would have been to look for someone else because yes, it would have been easier. However, long-lasting love takes work. It's easy to be in love for 1-3 years but then the emotional high wears off and you have to work (Hence the term 'The Labour Of Love'). It's just the natural cycle of relationships. But you also need to know the blueprint for the work. For me, the solution was Marriage Fitness (Marriage Counseling – Get Free Help from Marriage Expert Mort Fertel). It is an program you can sign-up to online. I always recommend it and talk about it because it was such a life-changer for me. It's truly inspirational. It explains why relationships fail and how you can be in love forever. Anyway, regardless of what you choose to do I wish you all the best in life.

Take care
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Old 06-09-2011, 01:51 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

your wife could be feeling the same way as you in many ways. it is a bad idea. it's fun to meet someone new, but to mess up your family over a person that has no idea what your life has been like, besides the words that come out of your mouth is not even close to being worth it. your wife has literally been there with you throughout your life, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. before stepping over the fence, do what you can to keep your family together.
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Old 06-09-2011, 02:05 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why did my love died for my wife?

Bad idea? YES!! Read through this website, and you will see the devastation that can happen from emotional affairs. "Yea, but I am in love. I haven't felt like this in 18 years." Do you remember when you did feel it for your wife? Maybe you need to take a trip down memory lane with your wife. When you look back on fond memories you not only remember the events, but you remember the feelings. Do you remember why you asked your wife to marry you? Do you remember the birth of your first child that mad you a father? Do you remember your first date with your wife? First time you held hands? First time you kissed?

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR MARRIAGE OR YOUR FAMILY FOR SOMETHING TEMPORARY!
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