Hi
I am married for 12 years. I have a husband who is constantly going out to the pub. Sometimes he will go on a Saturday afternoon for about 4 hours to the pub , come back home for a few hours to do what needs to be done and then go back to the pub for a few more hours. During the week he is going out as much as 2 to 3 times during the week nights and getting home about 1'o clock in the morning. He also goes fishing on a Sunday usually for the whole morning. I have spoken to him many times about the amount of time he spends out at the pubs but it doesn't make any difference, he says he enjoys snooker and that's his reason for going. I understand he needs time out and do give him that but to me it feels as if he takes advantage and is only interested in pleasing himself and being selfish. I am not a person who drinks as I suffer with migraines and alcohol and loud music does trigger migraines for me. I have a daughter who is in her last year of school as well. When I have refused to let him go it usually ends up with him being angry at me and refusing to talk to me anyway for the entire night or depending on his mood he will argue and fight with me to get his way (the one time he threatened to smash my daughters cellphone if I didn't give him the keys) , I don't like my daughter to see the fighting so I try to avoid the confrontation. I'm at a point now in my marriage where I don't want to continue in the marriage anymore, I'm tired of putting up with his behavior and feel the only way I would found happiness is to be on my own because I am on my own anyway. I have spoken to him and told him if this continues I will have to move out as soon as I can found a job (I was retrenched in Nov last year) and his response is that he will have to respect whatever I decide. It seems to me that he isn't interested in the marriage and yet he says he loves me. I found it confusing, to me loving someone means you want to make them happy and if your actions are making them unhappy you would want to change your ways. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it.
I am married for 12 years. I have a husband who is constantly going out to the pub. Sometimes he will go on a Saturday afternoon for about 4 hours to the pub , come back home for a few hours to do what needs to be done and then go back to the pub for a few more hours. During the week he is going out as much as 2 to 3 times during the week nights and getting home about 1'o clock in the morning. He also goes fishing on a Sunday usually for the whole morning. I have spoken to him many times about the amount of time he spends out at the pubs but it doesn't make any difference, he says he enjoys snooker and that's his reason for going. I understand he needs time out and do give him that but to me it feels as if he takes advantage and is only interested in pleasing himself and being selfish. I am not a person who drinks as I suffer with migraines and alcohol and loud music does trigger migraines for me. I have a daughter who is in her last year of school as well. When I have refused to let him go it usually ends up with him being angry at me and refusing to talk to me anyway for the entire night or depending on his mood he will argue and fight with me to get his way (the one time he threatened to smash my daughters cellphone if I didn't give him the keys) , I don't like my daughter to see the fighting so I try to avoid the confrontation. I'm at a point now in my marriage where I don't want to continue in the marriage anymore, I'm tired of putting up with his behavior and feel the only way I would found happiness is to be on my own because I am on my own anyway. I have spoken to him and told him if this continues I will have to move out as soon as I can found a job (I was retrenched in Nov last year) and his response is that he will have to respect whatever I decide. It seems to me that he isn't interested in the marriage and yet he says he loves me. I found it confusing, to me loving someone means you want to make them happy and if your actions are making them unhappy you would want to change your ways. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it.