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Event in life, just more behavior!!

2K views 6 replies 6 participants last post by  ak41 
#1 ·
Hello Everyone,

I have posted before and you all have given me some wonderful advice. I have started seeing a counselor for myself. Anyways onto my question my husband and I have been in trouble with the marriage for quite some time do to lack of time, which has caused distance and issues for us.

But my question today is he took a new job last fall as a college instructor and graduation is today. Now be it for his students, but it is a big deal, it is his first one to where he also has to wear a robe and all. He has been talking about it for the last week or so. And I just was surprised that he never asked me or invited me to be there.

I don't feel I should have had to ask if I could go. I don't know this for a fact but I could just about bet he has invited other family members of his. I didn't bring it up to him because I know he would have just have thrown it on me the same way he does about when he shows up late all the time and tells me if I want to know where he was I need to ask him. But if I'm not home it's 100 questions and a complete double standard.

Anyways am I making a big deal out of nothing really? I just feel hurt. I feel like he no longer shares anything in his life with me big or small. I mean I was by his side helping him when he got this job and also when it was really hard and he didn't know if he could do it but now I feel like he doesn't want me around him, sort of like he basically saying "I'm ashamed of you" or your not welcome.

If he did invite other family I don't know what he's going to tell them, he will probably tell them "oh she didn't want to come" but eventually it will come out that he didn't invite me, I guess to me either way how does it look for him when his wife isn't there and he chose it be that way.

Sorry I'm rambling, anyways thoughts...
 
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#2 ·
He did share.........


He has been talking about it for the last week or so. ...


I think you may be taking this a little wrong. It is a big day for him in his work life, he is excited happy etc. Usually when work things happen or are going to happen, good and bad, you share them with your spouse. I really don't think the graduation is for anyone except the graduates. He isn't getting an award or recognized for anything is he? Now if he invited other family and not you, then that's a problem!
 
#3 ·
It is unusual for him not to invite you, however it may be that the teachers general don't do that as it's more about students, I don't know. I think that you should come straight out and ask him if he's invited anyone and if other teachers invite their spouses. Don't wait until after the fact because then nothing can be done about it. Here is an opportunity to be a part if his life, remind him you are there.
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#4 ·
Yeah, I think you just need to ask him out right. You can say something like: "Hey, I know that graduation is coming up. Are you allowed to have guests attend? I would like to attend to support you, if it is OK to have guests. " The worst thing you can do is assume he invited family without knowing for sure. Don't assume the worst & risk building resentment when it wasn't necessary.
 
#5 ·
I have to agree with what has already been said here, by all. You need to ask him. Maybe he just assumes you are going with him. Who knows, but you are doing you both a disservice if you just hold it in, do not communicate. I know.. I have a wife who does the same thing to me. I am paying for who knows how many things I have not done!
 
#6 ·
University professor here and 25 years of teaching. College graduation is open to anyone who wishes to attend. If you wish to attend, you could have attended and not have to be invited. My husband just drops me off in these ceremonies.

After graduation, students and their parents wish to have their pictures taken with you. If my husband attends, he'll have to wait in the sidelines for a very long time until the pictures, chit chats, and goodbyes are given. My husband prefers that I call him after the event is over so that he could pick me up.

You're making a big deal out of nothing. By the way, these ceremonies are for the students. Our spouses don't attend as it takes over two hours. I'd rather not attend myself and complete grading my exams. Next time, if you wish to attend don't wait for an invitation. Just do it if it makes you happy.
 
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