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Just One Day And I Miss Her...

2K views 24 replies 9 participants last post by  turnera 
#1 ·
My wife is in Puerto Rico to pay her final respects to her grandparents. I can't stop thinking about how much I want her here with me. Something within me has changed and I think it has to do with the therapy and homework assignments I've done related to my DBT, but...I want her home.

I'm changing I think. And I'm "thinking" differently too. I'm pausing and questioning myself. Many of you know what I've done to betray my wife. I've made a promise to her and I am living it...and for the first time in my life...All I can think about is wanting my partner at my side.

Some of you may not understand why I'm posting this, but this is our first time apart since D-Day back in December. I know she has concerns. I have done my level best to alleviate/mitigate said concerns...but they're still going to be there, that much I know. When I saw her off at the airport, we kissed and told each other goodbye but not without a "While the cat's away, the mice will play?" question from her...to which I replied with a gentle kiss and smile...

"Not this time baby. I'm going to miss you terribly. Come home to me just as soon as you can darlin."

While wiping the tears from my eyes.

I feel differently this time and I'm not sure it is a result of the DBT therapy I'm in, but that is the only answer I can come up with because I'm thinking about "stuff" differently. I'm processing "things" differently...and all I want is her back home.

I wish I could hold her right now, look into her eyes, take her hand and put it to my chest, and tell her..."I belong to you and this heart beats for you." cuz that is how I feel...right now.

Peace my friends...:)
 
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#3 ·
She'll be in PR for one week Ele. What I'm feeling and thinking right now is completely foreign to me. I'm being honest. I'm not frightened...but what I'm feeling is different and I'm not sure how I got here. I will say this though...Being here on TAM keeps me accountable and it keeps "it" right in front of me to tell me every day that I need to do what is right.

And maybe that's why it is different this time? I don't know...But I'm OK with it. :)
 
#8 ·
I genuinely wish you two all the best.

You know what is impressive is that you have done what many people (both genders) refuse to do and that is take ownership and responsibility for your mistakes. Never thought I would say this but there would be many people that could learn a lot from your story, the cheating husband who took ownership, is doing the hard yards and is now seeing the results.

Oh and my guess as to why you feel so differently now is that you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Even writing your story here although anon means you are standing up and taking responsibility, that takes a strong person.
 
#9 ·
I genuinely wish you two all the best....
Oh and my guess as to why you feel so differently now is that you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Even writing your story here although anon means you are standing up and taking responsibility, that takes a strong person.
I am working on being that person Holland, and again I thank you. :)
 
#10 ·
Something within me has changed

I'm changing I think. And I'm "thinking" differently too.

I feel differently this time and ...

I'm thinking about "stuff" differently. I'm processing "things" differently...QUOTE]

Way to go! I didn't have much hope for you when you first showed up here on TAM, but glad you're an exception.

I'm acquainted with a guy who, like you, is seeing the light and it's proof it can be done. I don't think many succeed, but it looks like you have a good start. It's a sort of rebirth isn't it? I notice a common denominator is "change", "feeling different". Keep up the good work.
 
#11 ·
I'm glad you're making strides.

I hope it sticks. As my sister said to me about my own failed reconciliation, "anyone can act a certain way for any length of time, and even feel a certain way.....doesn't meant it sticks." Not trying to be negative, but I've been your wife and now I'm a completely torn apart version of her after he decided the reconciliation wasn't for him after all.
 
#12 ·
Thanks guys. Yes, I'm well into my 5 month of therapy and 5th week of DBT group and doing my assignments as prescribed. I've said it before...If she has the capacity to forgive me and stay commited to me after what I've done, then I most certainly can own what I've done to her and commit to working on my issues. I am doing just that very thing.

I plan on growing old with this woman and leading a very fulfilling and loving marriage with her.
 
#17 ·
So glad to see you two making strides, Mountain Man! I'm praying that things between you two will be getting so much better! I've got absolute faith in you!
 
#19 ·
And THAT is the million dollar question my friend....

By working on "me", I am demonstrating to her that I am putting in the effort to repair the damage I've done, yes? However, I have attempted to engage her in how she feels about my indiscretions. even to the point of saying "Lay it out and go nuclear darlin...I need to hear it."

She was honest (and this is learned behavior long before we met)....she "sweeps". Even when I tried to hold her gently and tell her that she can tell me...she still "sweeps". She has done this with previous relationships as well. I need to work on me so I can be the first man in her life whom she can finally feel comfortable enough with to finally open up to.

Does that make sense? I hope so...but I've had a bit of cabernet right now...*grin*
 
#22 ·
I'm changing I think. And I'm "thinking" differently too. I'm pausing and questioning myself. I feel differently this time and I'm not sure it is a result of the DBT therapy I'm in, but that is the only answer I can come up with because I'm thinking about "stuff" differently. I'm processing "things" differently...
Congrats MR!

You're becoming "self aware" and starting to find yourself.

It feels good, eh? :)
 
#25 ·
If she sees the changes in you, she might realize the benefit of good forums. On another note, are you guys having at least a biweekly or monthly 'state of the marriage' meeting? Where you get to safely discuss how you feel things are going, discuss any issues, resolve or change things? That communication is the #1 way to a good marriage.
 
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