Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

Husband lieing about smoking and other things

694 views 2 replies 3 participants last post by  Amorous 
#1 ·
Hi im new here hello everyone, this is quite a long story so i apologise.
Me and my husband have been together 15 years we were high school sweet hearts as they call it and out of those 15 years we have been married for 7 years.
When we were both younger we both smoked however we i quit and supposdly my hubby well not yet hubby boyfriend, but obviously i knew he hadnt.
We then moved into my parents house got married had kids and neither of us smoked.
My husband was stressed with his job and living at my parents and having babies we have a beautiful boy an girl.
However he managed to move jobs and we got a house of our own, and i thought things were looking up.
My husband didnt/doesnt appear as i thought it would as he had a new job new house and he seemed even more misrable. He started to walk our dog and have a cheeky ***, this has been happening for months but ive just not said anything, however a week ago i wasnt feeling well and my hubby came in from walking the dog stinking of smokes, so i decided to investigate, as i hate smoking after over a few years i have many relatives pass to smoking related illnesses and it isnt a pretty sight.
So i found the packet of **** and lighter and proceeded to ask him, he tried to deny it but i have known for ages deep down but didnt want to rock the boat. He lied of course, but told me he smokes when he is stressed, however we have our house and his new job. but i was beyond furious as we had had a brilliant day so why did he feel the need to smoke especially since he knows i am so against it and he himself has apparantly been against it.
There are other problems not just this that have come to light before now, like him looking at porn and not being bothered with me because he rather do that, he has lied time and time again but he says hes finding new moves or tips for us to do, but i thought our sex life was great. but he seems just to generally unhappy, a few years back he was getting the mick taken out of him because hed only had sex with me and not a load of other girls but what goes on in the bedroom they dont know our sex life is amazing. Anyways after that i told him if he isnt happy and thinks he can so better then i would let him be free to do that if he is happy.
Ive never been put first before his family hes never stuck up for me hes just not bothered.
This time it has really hit me hard as i think he isnt happy, i got him an e cigarette he says it is helping but whether he is lying i dont know.
i just think that in general he could bewith someone who actually looks good and is what he wants than rather stay with me out of guilt and what other people will think of him.
i havent been able to eat or think straight as there is loads of things going through my head, i keep having mini panic attack.
I just really dont know what to do.
its killing me, all the times we have gone places as a family and he has been in a fowl mood taking it out on everyone even our kids. its just because he is craving a pathetic ***, so for the last year or so when i think we have been having a good time making good memories with our children hes not been happy.
i feel sick just thinking about it, feels like we have been living a lie.
Now i have found him out hes saying we should go here and there and do this and that all happy but i cannot be happy thinking that he is not happy. For example he actually wanted to take the kids to the beach, yeh he was constantly puffing on his ecig all the whilst we were there, so i asked him you said you smoked when stressed so why you doing it now.
i feel empty useless and dont know how i feel about anything anymore, its like he has lived a double life, since we moved in, he has never been in, constantly finding somewhere to be rather than be around me. He told me that he missed my kisses because he wouldnt come near me incase i figured out that he smoked, but if one can give up a kiss from someone he loves because of a habit then what does he really feel about me ? . i feel lost and really alone,its not just one thing its everything, i just want to scream .
 
See less See more
#3 ·
It happened to me too, except he was using an electronic cigarette with a sweet aroma so the few times I smelled it I couldn't identify it. I was pregnant the first time I smelled it, walked in on him a few months later... I had mentioned to him before that I didn't agree with electronic cigarettes either, they are not regulated and who knows what they put in them, he said he agreed yet there he was using it in our home, not far from our newborn, I was very hurt.

I don't have many friends or relatives I can confide in, the couple I approached dismissed me saying it was no big deal.

Lost of trust is certainly something to mourn, I am sorry you are feeling this way, been there... Kind of still am so I can't give you useful advice. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone or overreacting. It's been a bit over a year since the incident.

Is there any chance he might have ADHD or some sort of anxiety issue? Quite a few of hubby's relatives have this sort of problem and I am happy to say he has agreed to seek help if his insurance covers it, if not my plan is to at least get a diagnose to see what we are dealing with.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top