heartbroken424

I'm in a complicated situation right now and I honestly don't know to bring it to light.

I don't use facebook but my wife does. A friend of mine and her's on there sent me a screen shot of her facebook page earlier.

The problem comes in I don't know to bring this up to her. My friend asked me not to get him anymore involved so it rules out showing her the screen shot he took and this was what was one there

My wife
i keep hoping a specific person will text me, but it doesn't look like thats gonna happen. (hint: the number is on my profile)

My wife
maybe people do pay attention

co worker the person doesn't know what he is missing

another co worker Thats right!! does that comment mean that he did??!! Let me know in the morning!! =)



I tried to make a profile myself on there but her profile is on private so I can't see it at all. If I added her as a friend she could delete the comments before I seen them.

I thought about making a fake profile however my wife has said before that she doesn't add random people.

We had actually talked earlier today because I had suspicions things weren't good between us and she said that I'm "stuck with her" however the post she made today on facebook seems to hint at otherwise.

basically my question is how can I bring this up to her? If there's nothing to worry about I don't want to cause a huge fight but at the same time if this is real I don't want to put anymore time into this marriage than I already have. get out before I get hurt more.

--------
I thought about doing something like this and saying facebook must have messed up when I try to go back and show it to her and it's on private. Combining the screen shot with what I got when I looked for her page. Of course some of it is blacked out by me for the purpose of posting this. I dunno might be a stupid idea.

facebook

mikey11

hhhhmmmm.....

maybe your friend could give you his password so you can go on and look at her profile?

or make a fake facebook account and tell her you knew her in high school and she might add you....but that is getting very sneaky and naughty....lol

sounds like she is taking you for granite....she wants you there to fall back on incase she cant find anything else....sounds like shes out fishing though....

Rob774

Perhaps i'm just old school, but to me, it doesn't matter how i got the proof, the point is i have it, so she has to explain herself.

Or you could install a keylogger on your pc, if she uses your home pc as her FB tool when she is on. That's pretty damn bold to be doing this right out in the open, and for her friends to give it their "rubber stamp" of approval. Connect the dots man, who ever it is, has her phone number as well. Get her phone, and match guy contacts names vs FB friends guys contacts. And that should give you your answer - assuming she erases texts from this guy.

Sanity

Sit down with her and show her this information. It does not matter how you got it but you got it.

Ask her to be honest and give her two options, either MC AND the EA and/or the PA stop or divorce.

She might deny it out of shame or just because she is pathological liar. Either way it needs to be exposed not so much for her, but so your marriage can either heal or dissolve.

Good luck my friend.

mikey11

i would not show her your cards yet....wait till you can get more concrete/better evidence....

2xloser

I would text her the following message when I was in the same room as her:

"Apparently *I* am not the person you were openly on Facebook hoping would text you.
I sure know what I am missing - your loyalty.
Let's talk, immediately."

And when she challenges, lies, denies, or minimizes it, I would DEMAND she go right to her Facebook page, log in, and show you her account, her private messages, all of it. And her email. And her cellphone, openly, her sent and received text messages. Get a record from the phone company of her texting history.

If she won't show you ALL of the above, you have your answer.

It doesn't matter how you have what you have. You have it. YOU are not causing problems here -- she has. There IS something to worry about. She can put those fears to rest only by showing you there's nothing to hide.

heartbroken424

I talked to my friend again a little while ago to see if she said anything else. Apparently she deleted the posts at some point this morning. Fortunately I still have the screen shot.

I'm not a confrontational person so I really want a way that's not going to cause a big argument and get this solved one way or another. I have a bad temper and aware of it so whenever a situation comes up I always have to sit back for a little bit and try to figure out a way to discuss it in a calm fashion.

I was talking to her earlier and let her know I don't believe her when she says things are good between us. She actually text me about it this morning first because I was the one who brought up a problem between us yesterday to begin with prior to knowing about the posts.

That's one thing that really makes me mad. These co workers don't know anything about me and for them to be giving her approval of these things they might as well go the extra mile and say "here would you like to use my bed?"

2xloser

Focus solely on HER and on YOU & your marriage, and how communication happens between you. Not her co-workers, it won't help with anything and they're not to blame of something is wrong between the two of you.

Fix the two of you, and the co-workers will be a non-factor.

The discussion between you & your wife that NEEDS to happen does not need to be confrontational from the outset, but it does need to happen. The insecurity, the doubt, the fear, and the uncertainty will not go away on its own. And she will not come out and volunteer it for you.

heartbroken424

I'm actually planning on one way or another addressing this with her this afternoon because the likelyhood of this just being no one important is slim to none especially with the co workers saying things like that. It's kind of irritating to me that she keeps claiming there is nothing wrong and even in her last text she said

I've done nothing to make you doubt me and now your agitated at me

mikey11

you are security for her....sounds like she wants to look elsewhere and keep you on the back burner so she can always come back if she wants to....

KJ5000

The moral high ground we have always given women is soooo undeserved. It was often thought that ladies had better self control and a better moral compass then us 'only thinking with our privates" neanderthals.

Now that they don't need us financially, women more and more seem to be engaginging the same kind of crappy behavior that men always have.

No worse than a lot of men with this kind of behavior but no better.
Ok, I'm climbing off of the soap box now.

Confront her with the info and don't let her pull the old "you've invaded my privacy!" BS!
If nothing else has happened there is still a big possibility of working things out.
If she stonewalls or gets defensive....
You'll have you answer.

heartbroken424

What I think I'm going to do is since she uses a laptop sitting on the couch and I'm usually nearby with her is just say I seen the comments on there yesterday and have been thinking about what I want to say rather than dragging my friend into it when he was just trying to give me a heads up about it.

I do agree though I read an article some time ago that more and more women are cheating on their spouses. It went on to say that while men are thought to be the dogs women are getting worse about it than men. Not saying it's all true but I do agree with some of it.

heartbroken424

I had the talk with her. I'm not convinced yet but I still have to get more evidence I think. She said she was confused on why her co workers wrote those things. Said the comment was wanting a guy she works with that brings some kind of Italian food down from another state every weekend to pick her up something. She said she was supposed to have talked to him earlier that day but he had left early. I said well when you say a specific person how was this person supposed to know you were referring to him or you couldn't wait till the next day to ask him. She said she didn't know. So yah need more evidence to really prove that she is thinking of cheating and if I'm really lucky nearly getting caught will have brought her back into the fold but I'm going to be looking more closely. I flat out told her either she's in this marriage 100% or she just needs to get out. She never did get defensive or anything really. Most defensive thing she said was it sounds like I don't trust her. Which I stopped her on that right away and told her not to even bother trying to bring trust into this because if she can't tell how those comments sounded then there is a serious problem. She said again that I am stuck with her and that she had been thinking of going and getting my name tattooed on her forearm.

2xloser

Dude I think you're still letting her drive... even though it may all be about just re-defining boundaries appropriately.

Simple fact is, you *don't* trust her. So, make her show you everything. If she's got nothing to hide, you're on your way. This could be much ado about nothing. Terrific, let her show you and prove it, because you need her to. Let her remove your doubts... some guy brings her food? Not appropriate, but maybe innocent. Or maybe not. Have her call the guy in your presence maybe, talk to him yourself, let everyone that needs to know you're on alert. Including her. Have her show you all her texts. Her facebook messages. Emails. She called your bluff; you folded. Talk is good; actions are better. Because everything we see here suggests that when there's something wrong in your gut, you're almost always right. Plenty of us wish we'd paid attention to that gut feeling when we could have. if it's all 'nothing', then that would be good to find out so that you can start sleeping better and working on your relationship.

turnera

Get a keylogger on her laptop tomorrow!