General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I have been married for 4 years (together for 6). And one of the reasons I fell in love with my husband is because he had high morals about infidelity.
About 3 months ago, I found out he was talking to other women behind my back. One woman is particular, he was talking to on average about 10 times a day, for about 30-60 minutes each call. (This does not include the numerous texting going back and forth.) Before I found out about this, I trusted my husband 100%. Now I question just about every thing he says. So my question is this:
Can a spouse be trusted 100% after a betrayal?
If trust can be regained 100%, how long did it take?
H had the one night stand in april - im better now in terms of trust, and here comes the BUT:-
but i certainly pull a fuse when i see any close contact and im with him.
i dont think for me personally 100 % trust wil ever be achieved.
If trust can be regained 100%, how long did it take?[/QUOTE]
This is a question I ask every day after my husband cheated on my and I found out 2 1/2 months ago. I want to trust him, but I don't yet. I do think its possible but I also think its going to take quite a bit of time and he'll definately have to show me he is worthy of my trust. If I didn't think it was possible to trust again I would not have taken him back.
My wife cheated on me three years ago. She just admitted this to me last month. When we try to talk about it, she gets defensive, and blames me?? She even gets hurtful towards my feelings?? I don't know how long it will take for her to earn my trust back?? Sometimes I feel that she doesn't care!! We are trying counseling, but she hates it. I feel good about it beacause I have someone on my side. Then when she starts to blame me, the counseler slows her down and explains why she is feeling what she is feeling. But as far as trust, 100%, I dont know if ever.
ive been through that,,, honestly I can't trust my husband 100% after the incident. He's into chatting and texting with someone and after I caught him, I can't trust him. The situation boost my insecurities and I always have doubts on him.... But for now, I want to change, I can feel his sincerity and I want to give the trust he wanted for so long. I just pray to God that he will heal my wounded heart and take away my anguish....because I know that being insecure is not healthy in a relationship...
good question, it is a situation that will never be the same. I don't think you can ever completely trust your partner again after an EA/PA This is just what both of you will have to understand. Reassurance every day and understanding of your partners feelings on the subject is key....in time we all might believe our new history of reassurance.....I think it is something that will be a lot of work, communication, transparancy and a total effort to not be in any kind of situation to put any doubt on the trust is a good start.......I'm trying to work it out myself whether it's possible
I dont think it can ever get back to 100% IMHO, once the trust is broken its a tough road to rebuild and who knows how long it might take to build it back up.
Blind trust is a bad idea if you are thinking along the lines of 'cheating would crush me like a bug but my spouse will definately not cheat'. There is always a chance of that in life. If this is the kind of trust you're talking about then you shouldn't have been feeling like that in the first place.
When and if it does happen, it greatly depends on how both of the people involved think, what were the consequences, what the other person was looking for outside the marriage. If the spouse that has been cheated on understands what caused that behaviour and what to do so that the other person doesn't need to go outside the marriage again, and the cheating partner knows that it was a 'mistake' and wants to work on the marriage and never cheat again..Then trust should be established again. It might take a while, but usually it's better than before, because you set some 'rules' without even wanting to, both manifested their needs and as long as they both provide they should both be happy, and you've already passed such a difficult time together. If you want, the best mindset is a 'clean slate'. As in 'he cheated, we're starting over, but now i know what would make him grow apart, so i'll avoid putting myself in that possition'.
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- When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another. -
Survey: Trust after betrayal.
