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How willing are you to particapite in activities you dont like for other people?

1K views 5 replies 5 participants last post by  thread the needle 
#1 ·
Would you participate in something you did not particularly care for if someone else you cared about wanted to do it WITH YOU?

Which of these people would you do that for?

A. Spouse
B. Close family member
C. Distant family member under some circumstances
D. Close friend
E. Acquaintance
F. Your child
G. A related child in your family
H. A friend's child
I. AN elderly family member
J. An elderly stranger that was lonely
K. A neighbor that you had a good relationship with

Which of these would you have the most enthusiasm with doing an activity you didn't especially care for?

If it is not your spouse, do you think that is the right mindset?

What is your motive behind doing perhaps uninteresting activities with those you are willing do them with?

Are your motives different if it's with your spouse compared to others?

Have you ever thought about these questions before?

Are these questions helpful to your relationship at all to consider them?

Why or why not?

Have you become more willing or less willing as you have aged?

Do you feel good about your answers and decisions about this subject?

Do you think any different than you did before answering?

If so, in what way do you think differently?

Has the thinking that took place thinking about these questions enlighten in any way?

If so, in what way?
 
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#2 ·
I'll try anything once for my spouse. If I hate it and it's really really important to them I'll do it again a few times, but if it becomes a regular thing I'm not so sure. It depends on what it is and why I hate it.

If it's just boring, I'll do it for them. If I hate it because it makes me ill afterwards (I have migraines, and being in a hot, humid environment is a trigger), I'd really rather not. My husband doesn't often ask me to do things that would make me ill, though.

Pretty much all of my family live abroad and I don't have kids so I'm not sure there.

I don't form friendships easily, but my close friends are people I would do anything for. The only thing that comes before my handful of close friends is my spouse, and the answers I gave for my spouse apply to them as well.

With casual friends if they asked me to do something boring with them because it was super important to their future (e.g. "I'm running a show tonight and I know you hate art house stuff but the ticket guy let me down, PLEASE HELP!") I would say yes. If they just wanted to socialise doing something boring, I'd be less inclined to say yes.

I don't know my neighbours very well, which is sad now that I think about it. If they asked me to do something I would probably do it if I had time/the ability to do so, just as a way to get to know them better.

I hadn't really thought about this kind of thing before seeing the questions. I edited a few times answering them as my thoughts got clearer. I'm pretty solid in terms of my values and priorities, but I do feel bad about hardly knowing my neighbours at all!
 
#6 ·
No I was very generous when I was younger, got very selfish in my mid thirties, early forties and trashed my marriage and relationship with my teen daughter which I have rebuilt by getting back to making them and others a priority. It has been good for my marriage, relationships and soul.

Of course I don't want it out of balance the other way either. I am curious what others do or if they think about these decisions and what the motives are behind them.
 
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