Looking back at other more passionate relationships I have had, one of the more passionate I had I *think* the guy was really somewhat CONTROLLING, though I wonder if I am off base with that (my reason for bringing this up is because I have found myself analyzing my current situation which needs work - LD hubby - and trying to tell myself that ALL R's have issues, and some of mine in years past were a LOT worse than what I have now!).
Is this normal behavior?
*Going through someone's purse (or wallet) when they aren't present without permission
*Saying "you are mine"
*Constantly thinking other people are 'checking you out' when they aren't
*Giving you the silent treatment if you go out and do something even AFTER the other party had told you it was o.k. to go out and do it.
*Giving compliments that are somehow include something negative - "I like your hair, but quit wearing XXXXX, it makes you look like you are 90 years old."
I think back to that one passionate R and think that no matter HOW much passion was there, I am better off now in a R with a LD spouse than in one that is super passionate but has all of that kind of stuff. I haven't thought about old R's in YEARS, but with all of the problems we have had lately in a 24 year R, I find myself going back and critiquing all of the other R's I've ever had, I guess trying to see if I really don't have it as bad as I thought. Just curious about this one particular one, though..........was I crazy for putting up with all of that????
Is this normal behavior?
*Going through someone's purse (or wallet) when they aren't present without permission
*Saying "you are mine"
*Constantly thinking other people are 'checking you out' when they aren't
*Giving you the silent treatment if you go out and do something even AFTER the other party had told you it was o.k. to go out and do it.
*Giving compliments that are somehow include something negative - "I like your hair, but quit wearing XXXXX, it makes you look like you are 90 years old."
Depends on the circumstance and the way it is said. If you are being deeply intimate at the time then you are pretty well each other's but one partner doesn't own or control the other ... except in an abusive relationship.
No.
He** No!!
No. There are nice ways to tell someone that something they are wearing doesn't suit them.
No man in his right mind would ever go through a woman's purse. It's like opening the door to the Tardis, there could be 5 times the volume of the purse itself in stuff come out that will never all go back in.
Thank you all for confirming that I knew in my heart............it lasted two whole years, though it was many, many years ago. I dated a fair number of guys after him and I have to say that he was the most passionate and the one where I had THE most 'chemistry'. I still don't think I would trade passion for what I had to put up with. I felt so 'boxed in'...............when I think today about my passionless marriage, I still don't think I would trade it for something like that early relationship, even though there were major 'fireworks'.
Yeah, I wasn't too happy about the purse. I would NEVER go through his wallet or anything else. I don't know what he was looking for................but I had NO privacy with anything else, either. So glad to hear I wasn't misreading. For a while, I wondered if I was just too hard on him in my youth and inexperience with relationships (((
Also, for what it's worth, I WILL be having conversations with my daughter when she is of dating age, warning her of situations like this.......and my son, too..........I'm sure it goes both ways.
i went into my wifes purse all the time. needed her car keys to move her car. on the phone with the insurance company and knew she had a health card in her wallet. needed ten bucks to run to the store. never thought twice about it.
she would have liked me to say "you are mine" when interpreted as "you are the only woman for me" or "the only woman i would ever want"
the silent treatment after going out....well there were plenty of time she went out "be home at 9" she said...to start texting at 9 "running late" then at 10 "still here....then to show up at 11:30. not saying thats what happened in your case...but i was a bit miffed....if the silent treatment deal was the norm thats one thing...wouldnt be OK with that.
"like your hair but XXX makes you look old"......well if he was insecure and don't want you going out looking "hot"....why would he tell you something makes you look BETTER?
i agree highly passionate relationships can also come with high levels of "drama". take the good with the bad. i mean you are sitting here 20 years later thinking about it. couldn't have been all that bad.
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