Not my ex. My KID.
"Quick" back story (you can look up my old posts if you desire
I have a 17 and a half year old child that I raised since the age of 2, adopted him around age 5. I got him when I married his dad. His dad and I split when he was 13, he and his other 3 siblings came with me and then all heck broke loose. He became involved with drugs and alcohol, was lying, stealing from me, sneaking out, disrespecting me, "puffed up" at me once, was destructive, lazy, disgusting, never picked up after himself, not doing great in school, etc. At one point (age 14) he snuck out and he and his buddies stole a car, flipped it, and he broke his back, requiring two surgeries and docs said it was a miracle he didn't paralyze himself. His father was ZERO help the minute we split. He pays child support usually and pretends like his kids don't exist for the most part. At age 15, I sent him to his dad's for the summer (both of them kicking and screaming) and within 2 weeks, his dad sent him to stay with his bio mom. (Unknown to me at the time.) Once I found out he was there, I said he could just stay. Then followed a rather peaceful and wonderful 1.5 years where I concentrated on my two good kids (the oldest one I had raised was grown and gone.)
Around the end of January, my child contacted me and wanted to come back and live with me. His bio mom had allowed him to do whatever he wanted, so he did. She drank with him and smoked weed with him and he failed several classes when he even bothered to show up to school. I still haven't figured out how he has managed to avoid being arrested.
Anyway, with much deliberation and thought, and with promises that he wanted to finish school instead of drop out and get his GED, AND with my house RULES FIRMLY established, I agreed to let him come back. He KNEW that if he screwed up, he was out again (I tried to tell his dad that he had to take him if it didn't work out......he never agreed, saying he would "call me back" and that was the last I heard from him.)
I fought to get him in school because they didn't want to accept him. But they did because *I* went and raised cane. Folks here on TAM helped me through all that and I am so grateful for all the support I had.
Fast forward to now. The kid HAS done better as far as cleaning up after himself in the home, and to my knowledge has not stolen from me, nor done drugs (he has drank away from the house.) He does have a tendancy of "helping himself" to things that do not belong to him, and that's how the stealing started before. He has also lied to me about school. He said things were going well, but is failing two classes. School is out this week. He got himself suspended by taking his vaper cigarette to school (I told him not to) and he was grounded during the duration of that. I didn't get overly upset about it, just told him he was grounded and I wasn't buying him another one. I did let him use my extra, because I didn't want him picking real cigarettes back up (mine is a basic simple one......not the fancy "mod" he had that I originally bought him.)
But he decided that he was done with being grounded this weekend and took off with friends on Saturday. Didn't come home until well after midnight, and only after he conned his brother into coming to pick him up (he has no car, no license.) I was asleep at the time, with doors locked.
So I am understandably upset by this. But I was dealing......I took my extra vaper back, picked up all my electronics he had access to (they are with me at work) and told him that he no longer had access to anything extra. He then sent me a series of disrespectful text messages telling me what I should be doing, and how I am overreacting, etc. Sunday morning it came to a head.....he started in on me about how I shouldn't be talking to my other son in an angry manner. I tried to walk outside, he followed me, "you are just gonna walk away from me?" (YES.) And it turned into a pissing match that ended in him screaming "f you" at me and slamming the door. I admit that I lost my cool, but that is why I was trying to walk away.
I completely regret allowing this slime (yes, I said it) back into my peaceful home. My entire weekend was ruined for me and my other children because of this ungrateful jerk. I want him out. But at only 17 and a half, I am legally required to keep him. His father is worthless and will not take him. I told him he can stay until hes 18, and then hes out. I feel like I have to lock my belongings down again (i lived like that before) and basically I am a prisoner in my own home. I do not feel happy there. I have no joy in the home that I work and pay for. This brat has no license, no job, no real motivation to do well in school, and is basically leeching off of me and "thinks hes grown."
And I'm completely alone. I have support.....people that love me and back me.....but I am alone in the parental decision making. And it sucks.
I guess I"m just venting. This is going to be a long 6 months.
"Quick" back story (you can look up my old posts if you desire
I have a 17 and a half year old child that I raised since the age of 2, adopted him around age 5. I got him when I married his dad. His dad and I split when he was 13, he and his other 3 siblings came with me and then all heck broke loose. He became involved with drugs and alcohol, was lying, stealing from me, sneaking out, disrespecting me, "puffed up" at me once, was destructive, lazy, disgusting, never picked up after himself, not doing great in school, etc. At one point (age 14) he snuck out and he and his buddies stole a car, flipped it, and he broke his back, requiring two surgeries and docs said it was a miracle he didn't paralyze himself. His father was ZERO help the minute we split. He pays child support usually and pretends like his kids don't exist for the most part. At age 15, I sent him to his dad's for the summer (both of them kicking and screaming) and within 2 weeks, his dad sent him to stay with his bio mom. (Unknown to me at the time.) Once I found out he was there, I said he could just stay. Then followed a rather peaceful and wonderful 1.5 years where I concentrated on my two good kids (the oldest one I had raised was grown and gone.)
Around the end of January, my child contacted me and wanted to come back and live with me. His bio mom had allowed him to do whatever he wanted, so he did. She drank with him and smoked weed with him and he failed several classes when he even bothered to show up to school. I still haven't figured out how he has managed to avoid being arrested.
Anyway, with much deliberation and thought, and with promises that he wanted to finish school instead of drop out and get his GED, AND with my house RULES FIRMLY established, I agreed to let him come back. He KNEW that if he screwed up, he was out again (I tried to tell his dad that he had to take him if it didn't work out......he never agreed, saying he would "call me back" and that was the last I heard from him.)
I fought to get him in school because they didn't want to accept him. But they did because *I* went and raised cane. Folks here on TAM helped me through all that and I am so grateful for all the support I had.
Fast forward to now. The kid HAS done better as far as cleaning up after himself in the home, and to my knowledge has not stolen from me, nor done drugs (he has drank away from the house.) He does have a tendancy of "helping himself" to things that do not belong to him, and that's how the stealing started before. He has also lied to me about school. He said things were going well, but is failing two classes. School is out this week. He got himself suspended by taking his vaper cigarette to school (I told him not to) and he was grounded during the duration of that. I didn't get overly upset about it, just told him he was grounded and I wasn't buying him another one. I did let him use my extra, because I didn't want him picking real cigarettes back up (mine is a basic simple one......not the fancy "mod" he had that I originally bought him.)
But he decided that he was done with being grounded this weekend and took off with friends on Saturday. Didn't come home until well after midnight, and only after he conned his brother into coming to pick him up (he has no car, no license.) I was asleep at the time, with doors locked.
So I am understandably upset by this. But I was dealing......I took my extra vaper back, picked up all my electronics he had access to (they are with me at work) and told him that he no longer had access to anything extra. He then sent me a series of disrespectful text messages telling me what I should be doing, and how I am overreacting, etc. Sunday morning it came to a head.....he started in on me about how I shouldn't be talking to my other son in an angry manner. I tried to walk outside, he followed me, "you are just gonna walk away from me?" (YES.) And it turned into a pissing match that ended in him screaming "f you" at me and slamming the door. I admit that I lost my cool, but that is why I was trying to walk away.
I completely regret allowing this slime (yes, I said it) back into my peaceful home. My entire weekend was ruined for me and my other children because of this ungrateful jerk. I want him out. But at only 17 and a half, I am legally required to keep him. His father is worthless and will not take him. I told him he can stay until hes 18, and then hes out. I feel like I have to lock my belongings down again (i lived like that before) and basically I am a prisoner in my own home. I do not feel happy there. I have no joy in the home that I work and pay for. This brat has no license, no job, no real motivation to do well in school, and is basically leeching off of me and "thinks hes grown."
And I'm completely alone. I have support.....people that love me and back me.....but I am alone in the parental decision making. And it sucks.
I guess I"m just venting. This is going to be a long 6 months.