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Do you ever second guess the future of your relationship??

1K views 5 replies 4 participants last post by  Amorous 
#1 ·
Do you ever second guess the future of your relationship?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years - he's 57 and I'm 29.

Most of the time I see myself marrying him and spending the rest of my life with him. While other times I find everything he does to be annoying and I can't even begin to fathom being with him for eternity.

He's a very anal Type-A person and I'm definitely a Type-B. So a lot of the time his need to always have a itinerary, his OCD and his lack of spontaneity annoys me to the max.

Also, being that he's the more dominant Type-A person, he gets his way with everything and everything is usually done on his terms. I dont really put up a fight on much of anything unless it really means a lot to me, otherwise I kind of just let it go and let him have his way.

Since he's a lot older than me, we have different types of friends. His friends all have great careers and tons of money - mine don't. So we see his friends more than mine, because my friends cant afford to go out to dinner or do random activities every weekend. So we usually spend weekends with his friends, which I typically dread, because they're kind of boring to me and they tend to always talk about the crazy times they shared in the 90s/early 2000s and its kinda off-putting.

On the other side of things, when I'm happy, I'm extremely happy. I've dated so many guys (all around my age) and I could never get them to commit, they were all childish, I've been cheated on several times.

My boyfriend is the complete opposite. He's very family oriented and tells me he loves me everyday. He spoils me and he just knows how to make me feel special. My family loves him and I think his family likes me a lot.

When things are good, they are good. But it's always the little nuisances that stick out.

When we get out of our normal routine, we have an amazing time.

What should I do?? Any advice?? Is this feeling normal??
 
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#2 ·
How do you feel about the age difference? Do you plan to have children?
 
#3 ·
The age difference doesnt bother me so much.

We talked about having kids at one point and it was a hard NO from him. I accept that I wont have kids, and I'm fine with that, but the fact that there wasn't even a chance for discussing the possibility of it kind of bothered me. The discussion was just flat out no, because he's old and has kids.

I think with me I like the idea of having kids, but realistically it wouldnt be a good idea. I'm very focused on my career and I like to travel. So having a kid would be a bad idea.
 
#5 ·
If you are happy with the relationship - and it does not sound like you entirely are - then do what feels right. Every relationship has some nuisances and issues, but good ones take those in stride and focus on the positives.

However, as a 60 y.o. man with a 33 y.o. FWB, it occurs to me that if it were to become a serious relationship, in 10 to 20 years I may be decrepit and she'll still be in her prime. How will that work? (Her ex-husband - deceased - was 30 years older than her - she greatly prefers older men.) That does not bode well for a good relationship dynamic, and it would be hard to lose someone because of the age difference that late in life, IMO.

The greater the age difference, the greater the challenges that eventually arise, IMO. It takes a great deal of effort, love, and ability to cope the greater the difference, especially as the older partner passes into retirement and possible physical decline.
 
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