Apologies again for another thread---I guess the problem with forums is you can only give people a tiny slice of a glimpse into what your situation is and I'm hoping to shed light on a little more of it. The feedback here has been fantastic.
Well anyway, I've been married to my wife for 8 years and, I think the #1 problem we have is that I tend to lecture my wife. A lot. On a lot of issues. It's probably my worst flaw, and to be quite honest I don't know why she has put up with me all this time. I've lectured her about the driving thing, about not having a job, about working on hobbies with me, about building up her own hobbies, about sex even (I really need to stop this!).
I mean when you add it all up, I am almost certain a counselor would identify this as a sort of verbal abuse. I never swear, or even raise my voice (except on rare occasions). But, I'm certain what I've been doing hurts her, and I haven't stopped doing it.
Well I'm going to. I wish I did understand why I have always felt such a strong need to. Because I've caused so much damage I sometimes think I should run away because I don't think she sees me the same way anymore. I've asked her what it would take to heal this and I think the truth is I just need to quit with the lecturing. Permanently...
As others keenly observed in my other threads, I have huge shoes to fill. Imagine being Einstein's son. It's kinda like that (I'm not einstein's son, but my dad is pretty much like him in his own field, just not a household word like einstein). So, I probably feel like I'm not good enough, like I could never be good enough, like my job could never be good enough and maybe even that my wife could never be good enough. Which tells me, leaving my wife would not solve my problems. I'd probably do this to anybody. And, I'd probably not be able to attract a woman who is "at the level" I think I deserve, because, like I explained in other threads, I'm unpleasant in a number of ways to most normal people. I don't think I'm necessarily physically unattractive, but pasty, nerdy, thick glasses, and I do the stern lecturing thing.Plus I'm boring as hell and have very few interests. Get me talking about those interests and I'm no longer boring, but to most people, probably YAWN. Hahahaha.
Anyway, it's probably good I'm getting this out there...thanks for any and all feedback.
Well anyway, I've been married to my wife for 8 years and, I think the #1 problem we have is that I tend to lecture my wife. A lot. On a lot of issues. It's probably my worst flaw, and to be quite honest I don't know why she has put up with me all this time. I've lectured her about the driving thing, about not having a job, about working on hobbies with me, about building up her own hobbies, about sex even (I really need to stop this!).
I mean when you add it all up, I am almost certain a counselor would identify this as a sort of verbal abuse. I never swear, or even raise my voice (except on rare occasions). But, I'm certain what I've been doing hurts her, and I haven't stopped doing it.
Well I'm going to. I wish I did understand why I have always felt such a strong need to. Because I've caused so much damage I sometimes think I should run away because I don't think she sees me the same way anymore. I've asked her what it would take to heal this and I think the truth is I just need to quit with the lecturing. Permanently...
As others keenly observed in my other threads, I have huge shoes to fill. Imagine being Einstein's son. It's kinda like that (I'm not einstein's son, but my dad is pretty much like him in his own field, just not a household word like einstein). So, I probably feel like I'm not good enough, like I could never be good enough, like my job could never be good enough and maybe even that my wife could never be good enough. Which tells me, leaving my wife would not solve my problems. I'd probably do this to anybody. And, I'd probably not be able to attract a woman who is "at the level" I think I deserve, because, like I explained in other threads, I'm unpleasant in a number of ways to most normal people. I don't think I'm necessarily physically unattractive, but pasty, nerdy, thick glasses, and I do the stern lecturing thing.Plus I'm boring as hell and have very few interests. Get me talking about those interests and I'm no longer boring, but to most people, probably YAWN. Hahahaha.
Anyway, it's probably good I'm getting this out there...thanks for any and all feedback.