General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My wife went out with the girls and as she said it was only to get away and have a laugh with the girls. However i caught her out. She has been flirting with other guys and ended up online chatting to someone on facebook, telling them how lonely she was . When i confronted her over all this. She told me she wanted to seperate. Now we are seperated. Women married with small children who need to go out on GNO are looking for attention and flirting isn't innocent.. I certainly won't forget GNO.
JAG, unfortunately I think your wife would have connected with someone else whether she had a GNO or not. If someone is open to cheating, the opportunities are numerous. You can flirt with someone in a coffee shop or wine bar just as easily as a night club. In fact, since you can actually talk to someone in those venues, it might be even easier.
Committed partners respect the feelings of the other.
If someone is merely trying to prove "they're more important" than the other partner, the couple has bigger problems that they likely don't even realize.
As is usually the case, the best solution at an impasse is for him to arrange "guy's night out" on the same night.
If you don't trust your wife to not accidentally boink some stranger at a club why should you trust her in the supermarket? Some of those box boys are pretty buff.....and what if she 'just' goes down on one of other gals she goes out with?
Seriously either you trust your wife or you don't. Either she has a modicum of rational responsibility rolling around in her head or she doesn't. If she's gonna come home with a new tattoo and no panties, well that's just gonna happen, isn't it?
My best friends husband hates it when she goes out but he doesn't get that she needs it like air. She's a social butterfly. If he goes out with the guys she could care less. She wants him to go and fully supports it so that backfires for him.
But their marriage is not that great so take that into consideration. My husband and I are already making bets on how long that relationship lasts. Till the kids are grown? Till she makes enough money to leave him? They are at the 10 year mark now. Youngest kid is 4.
If married women want the energy then take their H and if H doesn't want to enjoy the energy with them then someone else will. So guys take your chicks out and treat them like a women instead of a wife.
Yes there are shades of gray, but the blackest of the gray is the fact that ones wife want a GNO more then a MCNO=married coulpes night out! That is were the problem lies....at some point MrK's wife is having more fun with out him then with him.
My friend would love it if her husband came with her. He has refused time and time again. He is a stupid man. She's young, hot and just wants to have fun. She doesn't care who comes with her she just wants to be with people.
Thats a shame M- if your friends H only knew what I know now he may have a change of heart.
Only time will tell for them, but as meesed up as it sound your friends H also has to do the "work" to keep a healthy marriage.
And the same goes for married folk who want to go out clubbing with out there spouse.
What a perfect world it would be if both spouses did the hard "work" in eliminating resentment by avoiding unhealthy behaviors.
My humble opinion is that trust, respect and honesty are needed, not control. I don't understand why it's thought she will get wild going out. She's grown folk, surely she knows how to handle herself by now? Unless it's so rarely that she goes out that she completely lets loose when she does?
I've been out on 2 GNO recently which I haven't done in a while. Despite my marriage going through issues, there was still no flirting on my part. The first night, a friend and I were heading to a cabaret show but ended up sitting at a bar wrapped in conversation together instead. She's single, I haven't been to a bar where singles hang in years. Yes, we were approached by nearly every man that walked in but I didn't enjoy the attention and didn't reciprocate. We stayed because we enjoyed the intimacy of the bar, good wine and service, and music being played.
The most recent GNO started at friend's house for dinner, then movie, then they suggested we go for a quick drink at a club. Again, I haven't been to a club in years. We found a seat, shared a drink and conversation, reflected on being young and clubbing, talked about how it feels to be our age and comfortable in ourselves. We listened to the crappy music, we giggled at the youngsters and left sober and successfully unflirted with. Granted, we're not doing body shots and dancing on platforms.
GNO at clubs and bars can actually be about girl's getting together. If it's otherwise, then yes, something needs to be looked at. I don't know what the answer is for you. If you hold on too tight, she might rebel anyway.
Why is it controlling to protect your happiness, and in addition requesting that your spouse stay away from a comprimising situation. (constantly telling bar flies your not interested)
My stance is not the GNO, its the enviorment they choose to have them.
Why is it controlling to protect your happiness, and in addition requesting that your spouse stay away from a comprimising situation. (constantly telling bar flies your not interested)
My stance is not the GNO, its the enviorment they choose to have them.
I understand what you mean about the environment. Personally this is why I haven't been to clubs in years. I'd rather just be with my girlfriends without male attention. My friends know that I like to be home fairly early, and/or we catch up in non-single environments. The recent bar/club visits for me were not planned. I agree boundaries need to be set in a relationship to suit the couple involved. I'm not sure if happiness can be 'protected' though. Either the person in your life is going to do the right thing by you or they're not.
I can recognize some women might like to go out and dance with the girls and hear music once in a while. That doesn't need to lead to drunken bad behavior. It's up to the individual.
H- you make a good point and I want to address the "protecting happiness"
In my experience I found to easy to avoid a confrontation and I didn't want to be controlling so I was the guy that said "sure you can go have a GNO. I resented it and it did not make me happy, so now my new view is to stand up and let my wife know that i am not OK with it.
May point is many of men are so affraid to be labeled controlling when that let there spouses know what makes them unhappy.
I think we both get it but the reality is when it comes to marriage it is so easy to find resentment and be it a guys night out or a girls night out, a GNO can (if not controlled) can lead to unhealthy behaviors. Lets face it there fun...
It honeslty doesn't matter where a lady goes, men are going to look and advance on her. I've been in supermarkets in the deoderant aisle and have had a guy ask me out.
Girls like to go to clubs to dance, because there aren't any other suitable places set up nowadays to go dancing. I, myself don't enjoy going to clubs anymore, but i go for the fact alone of getting the chance to dance. You shouldn't be jealous as you already said you have Banned her from going to clubs and she hasn't gone in ages...but you are now questioning concerts...which is a venue for music and not a "meat market". Absolutely no need to be jealous. Let her go.
Ladies don't go out thinking about "all the guys that want to screw us". We go out because we want to have fun with our friends. Do you go out thinking about who you want to get with when you go out with your friends? I hope not.
It honeslty doesn't matter where a lady goes, men are going to look and advance on her. I've been in supermarkets in the deoderant aisle and have had a guy ask me out.
Girls like to go to clubs to dance, because there aren't any other suitable places set up nowadays to go dancing. I, myself don't enjoy going to clubs anymore, but i go for the fact alone of getting the chance to dance. You shouldn't be jealous as you already said you have Banned her from going to clubs and she hasn't gone in ages...but you are now questioning concerts...which is a venue for music and not a "meat market". Absolutely no need to be jealous. Let her go.
Ladies don't go out thinking about "all the guys that want to screw us". We go out because we want to have fun with our friends. Do you go out thinking about who you want to get with when you go out with your friends? I hope not.
My wife works at a Walmart. She took the job, just to get out of the house, while the kids are in school.
So far.... In eight months working, she had a 3 month EA, I'm aware of at least two stalkers that went to security seeking her name, AND a friend of mine, who persistently pursued her (not knowing it was my wife).
I can't tell you how many guys walk in there, looking for something, and end up hitting on my wife.
It drives me nuts.
