Girls Night Out - Jealous again.
Although I've got some history of being burned while previous girlfriends/wife were on GNO's, Including a short-lived post partum clubbing party spree my current wife went out on a long time ago, I'm actually good with my wife going out. Movies with friends. Lunch. Coffee. Shopping. She even goes away on weekends with friends once or twice a year. Just this past Saturday night, she went out with a group of friends: wine in one of their kitchens before a movie, late dinner afterwards. Home by 11:30. No problem.
However, there are these "innocent" nights out, and there are these:
Nightclubs - My pet peeve. It's what brought me here originally. I have done enough research on this and other forums to know that a clubbing wife/girlfriend is bad. I don't even want to debate that here. These are meat markets. PERIOD. The girls are looking to flirt with and party (or worse) with the boys. You DO have a right to stop it. It's not just innocent fun. Even in the RARE instance where the intent is fully innocent, a "drunken mistake" can easily happen and regularly does. These places are called meat markets for a reason and they exist for people to hook-up. So, if you're really burning to ream me for my controlling behavior and jealousy, there's this:
Parties, concerts, sporting event tailgates, karaoke bars... - Anywhere there's drinking, partying, and groups of men hitting on groups of women. If a woman (my wife) who has some (albeit minor) history of partying with the boys when there's a party around, suddenly gets invited to "an event" by a few school moms I don't really know. An event that will consist of tailgating in the parking lot and a party that continues once they go inside. They drink (she was sick the entire next day). They meet people. Party with them. And when my wife got home, the old "coming home from the meat markets at 2:30" vibe started hitting me immediately. She was secretive and vague about what was supposed to have been a big night for her (she goes to lunch with a friend and will talk to me about it for an hour). And while talking about it with her the next day (she HAD TO talk our daughter) there was an obvious lie thrown in and details remained vague.
It has been quite a few years since the clubbing spree, and this was an individual instance (a friend just happened to have an extra ticket), so I'm not gearing up for a "you can't go out" battle. She'd never been out with these gals, and when the party started, she may have discovered she was in the middle of exactly what she was doing during that long ago party spree and freaked about how she was going to explain it to me (the event was a big deal, so she knew she was going to have to tell us about it). It may have been an inappropriate party but maybe she wasn't ready for it. I don't know.
But what happens if she tells me this group is going to (I'm making this up) one of their cousin's polo team's final game and end of year bash, and they want to know if she can come-with? It's a big deal. Hundreds of people. Lots of drinking and partying...
I am OK forbidding her from going clubbing. She lost clubbing rights a few years ago. But how can I tell her she can't go to concerts and or other parties/events with these gals? How controlling is it to prevent her from going to that concert she wants to go to? Or the big annual steeplechase about an hours drive away is happening and it was PURE LUCK that they were able to score tickets. Great opportunity. Or the girls want to go to the big annual college football game because they all went to the same local school. Complete with full tailgate party in the parking lot before hand. Lot's of booze, people, men looking for action...
I am sure partying with the boys was a big part of last weekend's festivities (the big event, not the movie). Is it always? Can a group of girls who have shown a proclivity to drink and attract men be trusted at these? Isn't it all but GUARANTEED that flirting and partying with strange men will be on the agenda? Just part of what they do when they go out? Even IF the intentions are wholesome, is it even possible for the gals to continue to do this without making some inappropriate, if temporary, new male friends/acquaintances that the husband will never hear about?
I need to know. We men are confused. We can't even imagine being somewhere that gangs of women would want to screw us and we would do anything but acquiesce. How can we handle it? Is it even a bad thing that they do this?