Girls Night Out - Jealous again.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Like Tree1Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-12-2011, 05:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
MrK
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,819
Default Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Although I've got some history of being burned while previous girlfriends/wife were on GNO's, Including a short-lived post partum clubbing party spree my current wife went out on a long time ago, I'm actually good with my wife going out. Movies with friends. Lunch. Coffee. Shopping. She even goes away on weekends with friends once or twice a year. Just this past Saturday night, she went out with a group of friends: wine in one of their kitchens before a movie, late dinner afterwards. Home by 11:30. No problem.

However, there are these "innocent" nights out, and there are these:

Nightclubs - My pet peeve. It's what brought me here originally. I have done enough research on this and other forums to know that a clubbing wife/girlfriend is bad. I don't even want to debate that here. These are meat markets. PERIOD. The girls are looking to flirt with and party (or worse) with the boys. You DO have a right to stop it. It's not just innocent fun. Even in the RARE instance where the intent is fully innocent, a "drunken mistake" can easily happen and regularly does. These places are called meat markets for a reason and they exist for people to hook-up. So, if you're really burning to ream me for my controlling behavior and jealousy, there's this:

Parties, concerts, sporting event tailgates, karaoke bars... - Anywhere there's drinking, partying, and groups of men hitting on groups of women. If a woman (my wife) who has some (albeit minor) history of partying with the boys when there's a party around, suddenly gets invited to "an event" by a few school moms I don't really know. An event that will consist of tailgating in the parking lot and a party that continues once they go inside. They drink (she was sick the entire next day). They meet people. Party with them. And when my wife got home, the old "coming home from the meat markets at 2:30" vibe started hitting me immediately. She was secretive and vague about what was supposed to have been a big night for her (she goes to lunch with a friend and will talk to me about it for an hour). And while talking about it with her the next day (she HAD TO talk our daughter) there was an obvious lie thrown in and details remained vague.

It has been quite a few years since the clubbing spree, and this was an individual instance (a friend just happened to have an extra ticket), so I'm not gearing up for a "you can't go out" battle. She'd never been out with these gals, and when the party started, she may have discovered she was in the middle of exactly what she was doing during that long ago party spree and freaked about how she was going to explain it to me (the event was a big deal, so she knew she was going to have to tell us about it). It may have been an inappropriate party but maybe she wasn't ready for it. I don't know.

But what happens if she tells me this group is going to (I'm making this up) one of their cousin's polo team's final game and end of year bash, and they want to know if she can come-with? It's a big deal. Hundreds of people. Lots of drinking and partying...

I am OK forbidding her from going clubbing. She lost clubbing rights a few years ago. But how can I tell her she can't go to concerts and or other parties/events with these gals? How controlling is it to prevent her from going to that concert she wants to go to? Or the big annual steeplechase about an hours drive away is happening and it was PURE LUCK that they were able to score tickets. Great opportunity. Or the girls want to go to the big annual college football game because they all went to the same local school. Complete with full tailgate party in the parking lot before hand. Lot's of booze, people, men looking for action...

I am sure partying with the boys was a big part of last weekend's festivities (the big event, not the movie). Is it always? Can a group of girls who have shown a proclivity to drink and attract men be trusted at these? Isn't it all but GUARANTEED that flirting and partying with strange men will be on the agenda? Just part of what they do when they go out? Even IF the intentions are wholesome, is it even possible for the gals to continue to do this without making some inappropriate, if temporary, new male friends/acquaintances that the husband will never hear about?

I need to know. We men are confused. We can't even imagine being somewhere that gangs of women would want to screw us and we would do anything but acquiesce. How can we handle it? Is it even a bad thing that they do this?
MrK is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-12-2011, 05:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Hey, you may not like my answer.... but here goes.

In 15 years with my wife, I've had three incidents of jealousy, and they always revolve around the "meat markets". All three incidents were used against me, in my wife's recent request for a separation.

So my new approach is... let her go! I say this because if cheating is in her heart, there isn't a thing you're gonna do about it. Of course, the chances are greater that she makes a mistake in that environment. If you make any attempt to stop her, she will HATE you, and RESENT you. I find GNO, to be a nerve among women.

What YOU need to do, is start having guys night out. I'm not suggesting you cheat, but it may be a good time to test your marriage. Let her go. If she loves you, she's not doing anything wrong.
If her partying bothers you, I would have a peaceful, non confrontational talk with her. I would explain that her presence in those meat markets bother you, but you trust her. Experience tells me, the more you try to stop them, the more they want to go.

If I had to do all over again, I'd tell my wife to have a good time, but not to drink past the point of knowing what's she's doing. But I would also tell her to have enough drinks to come home, and get bed blasted by me!
Tell your wife to have fun, and you'll see her when she gets home.

Sorry, I've learned the hard way.
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 06:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 9,196
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Hell ya its a bad thing they go out with out there husbands..to a envirorment that is subseptable to geting hit on, kissed, and drugged only to wake up with there pants on the floor, looking like a fool with the pants on the floor,wondering "what the hell".

Why would anyone tolorate there SO to be exposed to this atmosphere? Clubbing is ment for single folks. Granted married folks should go and enjoy the clubs as long as the to it together.

These places are sexualy charged and throw in the booze and bamb, you chick is coming home the next day saying "I didn't mean it to happen, it just happened, it was a misstake".

The mistake was putting them selve in an envirorment that exposes them to just the small possiblity of being taken advandage of by guys sole purpose of being there is to find women.

It not about control it about not tolorating our wifes behavior. They have a free choice in the dicisions they make, just like you have the free choice to make your dicision when they make the wrong one.

I've excepted my chicks GNO for years and now that she see the new man infront of her, a man that knows for a fact that he diserves good things and will not be around to except anything less the. A confident man that is sure that he can find happiness else where. The point is I diserve good things and if my wife make the free choice to not make me happy then I can make the free choice to find someone that will.

We have found that its way better to make each other happy then to risk a dumb dicision for a short time of happiness when its way better to bring each other along enjoy the evening togther with friends and continue in a non resented relationship.

Yes its easy when your W understands that clubbing with out you is a deal breaker. Its when they don't see it and you have to show them the consequences of what you won't tolorate.

And yes I am controlling, I am controlling my happiness so go ahead and go out , I will not hange around, trust me on that. I refuse to be unhappy. I refuse to resent someone that would rather have a GNO instead of getting hit on,flirted with, a drink bought for them, danced with, and kissed by thier own husband, some one that doesn't have to drug there drink to have sex.... there best friend.
the guy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 06:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

I've done the whole GNO thing and while my husband didn't stop me it did piss him off. I paid for it later as he resented me for it. Overall I think it's a bad thing for married women to go out drinking where there are lots of men around. I just think if the roles were reversed would I want my husband out drinking where there were lots of women. Hell no!

I have no idea what you should do but you have my sympathy. That's a tough spot to be in. It's like damned if you do and damned if you don't.
magnoliagal is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 06:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Undertheradar I still think what you did was right. You should have stopped it and you did. Your wife's activities got out of hand.
magnoliagal is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 08:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by magnoliagal View Post
Undertheradar I still think what you did was right. You should have stopped it and you did. Your wife's activities got out of hand.
My wife has me thinking otherwise.
You know how screwed up I am at the moment
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 08:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 364
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Girls Night Out means going out with the girls, not hanging out with strange men or using GNO as an excuse to hang out with strange men.
BigToe is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 10:42 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canadian - eh
Posts: 2,114
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigToe View Post
Girls Night Out means going out with the girls, not hanging out with strange men or using GNO as an excuse to hang out with strange men.
GNO - means hanging with my girlfriends at supper and drinks, coffee shop, each other's houses, craft show. H and I mutually decided we don't hang in bars without each other. My friends are all married moms like me - 10 is a late night for us. There's nothing for me at bars anymore.
Posted via Mobile Device
golfergirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 09:12 AM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 797
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

I would question why your wife still feels the need to get blasted to the point that she's hung over the next day. Kind of immature if you ask me.

I do have GNO but not at nightclubs. We have gone to upscale wine bars, restaurants, friend's houses, movies, etc. But we don't go to pick up men! We go to bond with our women friends.

I guess I would try to get to the bottom of what she is trying to get out of these drinking binges. Is she hoping to relive her college days? Those can't be recaptured. There is nothing wrong with setting limits. If my husband started going to strip clubs, I would have a problem with that. But hanging out with his buddies, going to games, etc. that is fine.
Laurae1967 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 09:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,737
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by golfergirl View Post
GNO - means hanging with my girlfriends at supper and drinks, coffee shop, each other's houses, craft show. H and I mutually decided we don't hang in bars without each other. My friends are all married moms like me - 10 is a late night for us. There's nothing for me at bars anymore.
Posted via Mobile Device
I would not initiate a GNO at a bar. I prefer the ones at people's houses. But when invited, I have gone. And somehow managed to be a responsible adult. Call me crazy, but if you have a problem at home that makes your wife WANT to go out and scope guys, fix the problem at home.
Mom6547 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 11:45 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

I have an inner circle of friends. They're all married.
I could mention 6 women that go out to a club on GNO, and their husbands say nothing.
The guys all trust their wives, and their wives give them no reason not to trust them
I see the "next day pics" on FB, and I did notice the herd of cattlemen surveying the cattle while they danced. My friends all brag about their wives coming home to them, and not the "cattlemen"

So I guess, a lot has to do with the state of the marriage.
My wife has made me feel that she wanted out. I knew that my marriage was dangling by a thread, and the thought of her going to that environment didn't sit well with me. I let her know how I felt, and it only made it worse.
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 12:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 77
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

women go to clubs for one reason only....attention from men....which is why every single woman in a club is dressed in next to nothing....enough said

any woman that tells you otherwise is lying and is trying to justify her actions with other excuses....

Last edited by mikey11; 06-13-2011 at 01:25 PM.
mikey11 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 02:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Undertheradar's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 348
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikey11 View Post
women go to clubs for one reason only....attention from men....which is why every single woman in a club is dressed in next to nothing....enough said

any woman that tells you otherwise is lying and is trying to justify her actions with other excuses....
I have to disagree.

I have had this conversation with life long female friends. Lots of them just like to go dancing, and take in the energy.
Undertheradar is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 03:18 PM   #14 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertheradar View Post
I have to disagree.

I have had this conversation with life long female friends. Lots of them just like to go dancing, and take in the energy.
My best friend is like this. Heck she doesn't even like sex all that much. She just wants to dance and socialize. In her case her husband should let her go. He'd get laid a whole lot more if he did.

Sometimes this situation isn't black or white there are shades of gray.
magnoliagal is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 04:05 PM   #15 (permalink)
JAG
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: ireland
Posts: 29
Default Re: Girls Night Out - Jealous again.

My wife went out with the girls and as she said it was only to get away and have a laugh with the girls. However i caught her out. She has been flirting with other guys and ended up online chatting to someone on facebook, telling them how lonely she was . When i confronted her over all this. She told me she wanted to seperate. Now we are seperated. Women married with small children who need to go out on GNO are looking for attention and flirting isn't innocent.. I certainly won't forget GNO.
JAG is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
girls night out golfergirl The Ladies' Lounge 71 08-14-2011 04:02 PM
Girls Night out tg123456 General Relationship Discussion 61 06-26-2011 05:51 PM
girls night out bab123 The Ladies' Lounge 67 06-25-2011 06:04 PM
Husband jealous of girls trip jules41 General Relationship Discussion 22 06-25-2011 07:06 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:23 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.