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WOW.... The Marriage has Changed

1K views 4 replies 4 participants last post by  IamSomebody 
#1 · (Edited)
I have been lonely in my marriage for several years. Most of the time when I have a "We need to talk" discussion I get little to no response which ends up with me feeling even more validated about how I am feeling. Then he tries a little and goes back to the same life style.

I have been together with my husband for 10 years and married for 4. I feel like I am suffocating in loneliness. This is already bad but I have always paid for all of the home related bills and food expenses for 5. I am more often then not going on vacation alone with my kids and going to sporting events with my kids alone without my partner.

I love him but I feel like I CANNOT keep living this way. It is torture to live day to day seeing someone I cannot connect with. I fake enjoying sex because I feel it is not important to me because the emotional connection is just not healthy.

I recently had another of our discussions and his response (which has been every time we have this discussion) was I don't know how to change it, I think it cannot be fixed. This time I asked him for separation papers and explained I felt maybe it would give us a chance to breath and decide if we want to move forward. He explained to me he does not think separation works.

I asked him directly if he feels he wants a divorce and he stated to me that he doesn't think it can be fixed so I asked him for a yes or no answer not a round about answer and he said divorce. I calmly said ok and wrote up the divorce papers that weekend.

That Monday I asked him to move out and to sign the papers as he had two days to think on this. He said he doesn't know how to fix us. I told him I needed him to be engaged and come home and do a family day with me and my boys once a week, maybe date night.

I then found out that he transferred our new homes property that we are building right down the road and his other property to his mother prior to any of this. I was shocked and incredibly hurt.

I waited until my boys went to their dad's this Friday to discuss the fact that not only do we have a divide already that what he did made me feel like we are absolutely not a we but are very separate.

I care for our home and family and he works on the new home for himself. I told him no matter what I will not be moving into that house. This house is in my name and the idea he would do this never discussing it once with me makes me feel like our marriage is nothing but a piece of paper. I am so hurt and confused.

I explained to him that I want nothing to do with this house and it had made me rethink on us altogether.

I need honest advice. This is hard. I love him, I am not sure he loves me and I am already doing it all alone. I asked him 3 weeks ago to change my brake light on my car. He never agreed but three days later his friend asked him to fix his truck (which took 4 hours by the way) and he dropped everything and went. I am at the bottom of his priority list. PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINION.....
 
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#2 ·
I have been lonely in my marriage for several years. Most of the time when I have a "We need to talk" discussion I get little to no response which ends up with me feeling even more validated about how I am feeling. Then he tries a little and goes back to the same life style.

I have been together with my husband for 10 years and married for 4. I feel like I am suffocating in loneliness. This is already bad but I have always paid for all of the home related bills and food expenses for 5. I am more often then not going on vacation alone with my kids and going to sporting events with my kids alone without my partner.

I love him but I feel like I CANNOT keep living this way. It is torture to live day to day seeing someone I cannot connect with. I fake enjoying sex because I feel it is not important to me because the emotional connection is just not healthy.

I recently had another of our discussions and his response (which has been every time we have this discussion) was I don't know how to change it, I think it cannot be fixed. This time I asked him for separation papers and explained I felt maybe it would give us a chance to breath and decide if we want to move forward. He explained to me he does not think separation works. I asked him directly if he feels he wants a divorce and he stated to me that he doesn't think it can be fixed so I asked him for a yes or no answer not a round about answer and he said divorce. I calmly said ok and wrote up the divorce papers that weekend.

That Monday I asked him to move out and to sign the papers as he had two days to think on this. He said he doesn't know how to fix us. I told him I needed him to be engaged and come home and do a family day with me and my boys once a week, maybe date night. I then found out that he transferred our new homes property that we are building right down the road and his other property to his mother prior to any of this. I was shocked and incredibly hurt. I waited until my boys went to their dad's this Friday to discuss the fact that not only do we have a divide already that what he did made me feel like we are absolutely not a we but are very separate.

I care for our home and family and he works on the new home for himself. I told him no matter what I will not be moving into that house. This house is in my name and the idea he would do this never discussing it once with me makes me feel like our marriage is nothing but a piece of paper. I am so hurt and confused. I explained to him that I want nothing to do with this house and it had made me rethink on us altogether.

I need honest advice. This is hard. I love him, I am not sure he loves me and I am already doing it all alone. I asked him 3 weeks ago to change my brake light on my car. He never agreed but three days later his friend asked him to fix his truck (which took 4 hours by the way) and he dropped everything and went. I am at the bottom of his priority list. PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINION.....
 
#3 ·
With love, hope is a powerful accompanying emotion. You are hoping that he will change, when you should be looking at his pattern and accepting the fact of who he is. You cannot change him into someone else that you could love, rather look at it from this standpoint, could you stay in love with the person he is instead?

You should accept him as he is, and only accept changes when he can provide it for a long period of time. This is a common mistake people in relationships make.
 
#4 ·
What have you done to change the dynamic in your relationship?

From your post, it sounds like you have tried the same method -repeatedly.

Are the children your husbands? I only ask because you say -"My Kids" and "Their Dads"

Does your husband work? Why are you supporting a family of five?
 
#5 ·
If these properties were purchased during your marriage, they are marital property. Regardless of when they were bought, one partner can NOT arbitrarily remove one owner's name and replace it with another.

Get to a divorce attorney NOW. Unless you are a divorce attorney you are not equipped to handle this on your own. Even a divorce attorney would not handle this on his/her own.

You husband has committed theft and fraud and distribution of marital property. Judges do NOT like this. Your attorney can advise you on this.

Also, from the time separation or divorce papers are filed until the divorce is final, no changes can be made until the divorce is finalized unless written approval is granted by the court.

IamSomebody
 
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