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Should I be concerned??

8K views 85 replies 23 participants last post by  Thor 
#1 ·
Hello everyone I'm new to this so please bear with me. I've been struggling with a relationship that my wife has with one of my ex friends. Let me break it ALL down.
I became friends with a guy that I work with and we started to hangout outside of work. We shared a lot of the same interests but is quite a bit younger than me, but my wife and I were both friends with him. Over time our friendship started to fade when I started to realize he was a very selfish individual and would never "return the favor" so to speak. I would confide in my wife about my issues with him and she encouraged me to talk to him about it. So I did.... His response was basically "don't call me anymore". My wife didn't seem phased by his response at all and brushed it off and continued to be friends with him. Well, she maintained her friendship with him without making it common knowledge. His name would only come up if I were to ask about it. She knows I'm upset about the fact that she didn't stick up for me and right him off as he did me. I can't help but think there is something more. He bought her a birthday gift this year and she just recently bought him a gift for a recent achievement. Of course, I only know about her gift to him because I stumbled across it. We just celebrated our 8th anniversary. When we exchanged gifts she mentioned that my gift was over her usual budget. BUT, her gift to him was twice as much as my anniversary gift.

Does all this rambling make sense to everyone? Am I just over reacting or am I upset for a good reason?
 
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#5 ·
So he does "return the favor" so to speak. Not to you anyway but to your wife.

The fact that she maintained the friendship after he ended the friendship is wrong. In fact she set you up to discuss your problems with him. Then he tells you to go pound sand. Now the two of them are left with their friendship. Interesting how that worked out. Now she's buying gifts for him much more expensive than the gifts that she buys for you.

What are your ages? How long have you been married? What is the guys age? Do you guys have any kids? What does your wife look like? Does she work? How often are the two of you intimate?

If I had to make a call just based on your one post, I would say she's banging him. Don't talk to her about this come here for more advice.
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#6 ·
Thanks for asking me to be more specific. I express myself way better talking than typing.
I'm 40 years old and my wife is 36; he is 27. We've been together for 13 years and married for 8 of them. We have two boys ages 7 & 5. She is for the most part a stay at home mom but has a cleaning business on the side to earn extra money. Well, it's more of a job now because she has 15 clients with him being one of them. I expressed my concern about her cleaning his house, staying friends, etc but I don't seem to be getting through to her. Everytime I bring it up she gets upset with me. I also am the dad/husband that works out of town.
 
#18 ·
Actually it's going to suck...it's going to end just like every other thread that has a spouse spending more time with someone other then their spouse whom works out of town.:(

Facing the painful truth is the hardest thing to get past, then confronting and making life changing dicisions.

C40 if you do have the stomach to spy on your wife and confront her we here at TAM can help you do both.:)
 
#10 ·
Ya it explains a lot...your old lady has a crush on a alpha male!!!

It goes down one of two ways...your old lady respect the protection you offer in protecting the marriage and joins you in no longer contacts this POS.

or

She lables you as controlling so she can continue to get her panties wet over the phuck up who chases married chicks.

My advise is inform your old lady that you will not control her and she has a choice to except the protection you have to offer in keeping this marriage healthy or end this marriage so she can do as she pleases with who ever she pleases.

It's her choice...at the end of the day it will not end well and ending the marriage will be under very different terms then ending it now.

Sorry bro but the one thing you do have control over is getting hurt now or getting hurt latter.....I suggest getting hurt now before you raise some other mans kid!!!!

BTW when you put it like this she will want to save the marriage, but hide her emotional affair by going "underground" then it's even more of a thrill for them.

It's called cake eating....so watch out this kind of shyt is addicting...she will tell you one thing and then do another thing.

Educate your self about affairs...read the books mentioned on this forum.
 
#11 ·
#12 ·
Dude your old lady needs to drop that client ...like now,,,today you tell her that she has a choice to save this family and she needs to make it NOW!

At the end of the day business is business...you old lady just crossed the line by stay friends with a client.

Does this @ss wipe even pay her for her cleaning? What if this guy can't pay his bill this month?

# 1 your old lady is miking business with friendship....BAD business on her part

#2 she is wet for this phuck stick and is now going over to his house.


What kind of wife hangs out with a guy her husband has unfriended?

You are seroiusly screwed if you don't let her know her current choices will destroy this family!

And have the ball to back it up by asking her to leave the home and will not tolerate her lack of respect for her husband.
 
#14 ·
Chick dig confident guys...letting her go just might save the marriage.

I bet showing up at her boyfriends with a couple of kids and all her crap just might make her boyfriend think twice in what he is in for.

Let her go and help her back, once the bofriend sees you are no longer her problme , but she is now his problem...you just might see your old lady crawling back to you.
 
#16 ·
I know this sound way over the top, but i have been here long enough to know how this turns out once you start digging and investigating whats really going.

I bet the books show she only has 14 clients when you do the math.

I bet her cell has one number that sticks out more then any other number.
 
#17 ·
As far as sex goes they (cheaters) do one of two things....they screw your brains out so you won't notice them phucking around behind your back or no sex what so ever, with excuse after excuse so they don't cheat on their new affair partner by having sex with ....their "own spouse"!!!!!

Were do you fall in to these two senerios?
 
#21 ·
Whatever you do. Do NOT ask her about cheating!
Im the original author of the standard evidence post. It contains the wisdom of dozens who came here before you, not just my info.

Again. Behavioral changes?
Dressing better.
Guards phone. Secretive.
Unexplained time.

Do low level stuff first.

You have a possible predator. Not enough info atm tho.
 
#24 ·
The POS is a predator!!!!

Case in point;
Befriends marriage.
Manipulates husband.
Unfriends husband.
Stays friends with wife.
Excepts friendship with wife.
Excepts gift from wife.


This phucker is making all the right moves and the wife is falling right into place.

Trust me.. my old lady had no problem finding guys that phuck married chicks.
This POS digs this shyt ..but when it becomes his problem this POS will drop you old lady like a hot potateo. Especialy when it comes along with kids.
 
#23 ·
Just so you know ...weightlifter is our surveillance guy.:D

Gus is in our IT guy.:smthumbup:

Seriously....we don't phuck around here;)

Me...I'm just "the guy" ...swears a lot and prevents poor guys from apologizing *to* their cheating wives sleeping with OM(other men).:mad:
 
#25 ·
Maybe I should get a little more detailed into the back story. We haven't been getting along the greatest for the last while on a different issue. Back in February she told me that she wanted to try seperating to see if our relationship is worth saving. She told me this over the phone while I was at work. It started out that we were seperating, then through conversations it turned out into I was going to stay in the basement. She said she needed space to think about our marriage. Funny enough (like mentioned in the Standard Evidence post) she said "I love you with all my heart but I'm not sure if I'm still in love with you". I gave her the space she requested and kept my distance in the basement. Only for the very next day she was leaving to go out and said to me, "We can at least give eachother a hug". It lead me to believe that she was confused as to what she wanted. I only spent two nights in the basement before I was able to sleep in our own bed again and about 6 days of being home that we had sex. On my end I changed over night like a huge light bulb went off in my head and my approach to our marriage IMMEDIATELY changed. All the things she didn't appreciate I stopped. For three months we didn't argue and it looked like we were getting our marriage back on track.

This guy she is still friends with bothered me but I accepted it. All up to the part where I found out she was buying him a gift for his achievement. I asked her about it and she said that my fallout with him doesn't have anything to do with her and she shouldn't have to lose a friend over it.............
 
#31 ·
Here is what I just read....

" if your patient and don't mind sharing me I will be nice and think about using you as plan B if this guy doesn't work out"


Phuck that!

If it was me she would surely lose a husband over this.

Dude you just got played. The old "we are just friends" bull crap....been there done that and it doesn't work out well for us.

Again it is her choice to except the protection you have to offer by not tolerating the 'friendship" which is not marraige friendly to going on being friends with this guy while you move on to a women who appreciates the protection you have to offer in affair proofing the marriage.

Dude this is not going to end well...trust me.

HAVE YOU EVEN LOOKED INTO HOW FAR THE RABBIT HAS GONE DOWN THIS HOLE????????????

I bet they text every night before she goes to sleep and every day she wakes up.

Sir, you are seriously phucked!
 
#27 ·
What were the supposed "issues" you were having?

Are they legitimate problems or are they grievances she plucked from thin air?

You moved into the basement because she wanted to date this other guy. Problems in marriage is a retroactive excuse she can use if/when she is caught.

"I told you to stop leaving your dirty laundry on the bathroom floor. You kept doing it so I fell in love with Bobby. So it's all YOUR fault!"
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