Hey all, I'm feeling a little hopeless.
My wife and I have been married almost three years. We argue a lot. I do believe we love each other, but we have a "crazy cycle" that starts easily and seems to have no end. I mean, we are able to get into big dumb fights over silly things that carry on too long, until eventually we end up saying hurtful things.
But it always feels like we’re recovering from the last fight. Sometimes while we’re recovering, a new one will start. Lately, it’s been VERY draining to both of us. The last few days we haven’t even spoken much. What little we have, hasn’t been that good. It’s felt like we’ve reached a new level of bitterness towards each other… a new level of not even wanting to try.
The level of defensiveness we both display is ridiculous. We can easily get into a fight over misunderstood body language and facial expressions. It’s hard for either one of us to say anything without the other person taking it wrong and turning it into a fight.
For the most part, our fights have all been pretty civil. No physical stuff. We’re not being too derogatory or anything. It’s just… good old fashioned bitterness. Good old fashioned defensiveness, criticism and stonewalling.
I believe in marriage, and don’t ever want to divorce. I don’t plan on it either, but we’ve both expressed at times that we feel hopeless in this. That we don’t see things getting better. To make matters more complicated, she’s pregnant now. We know we’re only going to be giving this kid a roller-coaster life if things don’t change.
Any thoughts?
My wife and I have been married almost three years. We argue a lot. I do believe we love each other, but we have a "crazy cycle" that starts easily and seems to have no end. I mean, we are able to get into big dumb fights over silly things that carry on too long, until eventually we end up saying hurtful things.
But it always feels like we’re recovering from the last fight. Sometimes while we’re recovering, a new one will start. Lately, it’s been VERY draining to both of us. The last few days we haven’t even spoken much. What little we have, hasn’t been that good. It’s felt like we’ve reached a new level of bitterness towards each other… a new level of not even wanting to try.
The level of defensiveness we both display is ridiculous. We can easily get into a fight over misunderstood body language and facial expressions. It’s hard for either one of us to say anything without the other person taking it wrong and turning it into a fight.
For the most part, our fights have all been pretty civil. No physical stuff. We’re not being too derogatory or anything. It’s just… good old fashioned bitterness. Good old fashioned defensiveness, criticism and stonewalling.
I believe in marriage, and don’t ever want to divorce. I don’t plan on it either, but we’ve both expressed at times that we feel hopeless in this. That we don’t see things getting better. To make matters more complicated, she’s pregnant now. We know we’re only going to be giving this kid a roller-coaster life if things don’t change.
Any thoughts?