chillymorn

today is my wifes b-day.

this morn after my shower I gave her a big hug and kiss and then gave her a hundred dollar bill. I told her that I was sorry for not putting more effort into getting her something thoughtfull for her b-day.She said cash is always good and seemed happy and excited to get her nails done and then spend the rest on something she wants.

In the past when I have put effort into picking something that was thoughtfull for her she often seems disapointed.

I really wasn't being lazy I just have been really busy and did not have a chance to go shopping for her.

I coach my 2 boys baseball teams and boy and cub scouts.
plus I had 2 vehicals go down and spent 2 vacation day fixing cars last week. ( starting to get to old to crawl under cars and turn wrenches) but it dose save me quite a bit of money.

so my question is would this be acceptable or should I have tried to get her something.

some how I kinda of feel guilty for not putting forth more effort.

unbelievable

You should have put more thought, time and effort into it. If she's like most wives, she already has your money.

TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

Ummm ..... Well ..... Don't be too shocked if you get the same $100 bill back on Sunday (Father's Day) then.

The $ inside a birthday card which had a few nice, mushy lines written from you might have added a more personal touch. Since it's her birthday all day, you can still pick up a card.

Did you help the kids get her anything yet? Or plan something for her? Dinner with a birthday cake?

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TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

Good one!!!

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rikithemonk

Have some flowers delivered to her work. Women love that.

Hicks

It's very important that you make your wife feel loved and special. This may not mean a gift, but certainly takes effort on your part.

Enchantment

And her birthday isn't over yet, so you still have time to figure out what you could do! For me, I like anything that looks like he put some effort in to it - like one time he made his own silly card, propped it on my pillow and surrounded it with Hershey's kisses, then he and the kids brought home a cake and silly party hats and took over making dinner. That was better than any material thing (like jewelry) that he could have given me, because it showed he had been thinking of me.

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DrWife

IDK if it's just me but I think men are generally terrible at picking gifts. I would way rather have a hundred dollar bill to do my own thing with than getting some flowers or chocolate from my H. But I can only speak for my own personal preferences.

chillymorn

Thats the impression I got from her excited reaction.

I'll ask her tonight when I'm giving her a birthday massage/ foot rub. and anything else she might like to enjoy.

I still might stop and get her a birthday cake to have after dinner tonight.

thanks for all the feed back.

nader

It's just you. I have been knocking it out of the park lately, with her last birthday and Mother's Day. The hardest thing for me is figuring out how to top myself.

Waiting4RightTyme

I'd have loved getting the money, too ... that way I could buy what I need/want rather than him spending money on something I didn't really need. Getting her a cake and giving her a massage are great thought gifts, too.

Mom6547

It disappoints me that my husband regularly does this. For ME it is in the get over it department since things are good, I don't let it add to any bad feelings basket.

But honest to god, you want my opinion? Gimme a break. Didn't have time is an excuse. Hello? 1800flowers? Amazon.com?

On those occasions that I have received nothign for Christmas with a "didn't have time" I ask ... could it be that you waited until Christmas Eve, when you were expected to dinner at your parent's house, that you even began to think of it?

You shouldn't have tried. You should have gotten her something. If you had handed me a hundred dollar bill, I'd have handed back. What good is it to give me money that is half mine anyway?

chillymorn

You are 100% correct !!!!!!

thanks for the honest wake up call.


on a side note I guess I feel some resentment that my needs are not being met so I don't feel like putting forth the effort.

I know that it is wrong to harbor resentment but hard not to.

In my mind I don't feel like meeting her emotional needs if she don't have any desire to meet my sexuall needs.

that sentance looks bad when written out like that but that is the plain truth.

I'm not talking about frequency or spicific sex act I'm talking about lack of showing any desire.

it get old always having to coax someone into wanting to make love.you start to feel like why bother if she don't desire me then never mind.

as far of excuses go your right not having time is a poor excuse but so is always being to tired and never showing desire or intinating any sex.

I guess we have come to a point in our marriage where we just accept it. sad but true.

I know the advice will be to ramp up the romance and all that happy horse sh-- but I been there done that with little to no return so why bother.

just another groundhog day!

Halien

Not all of us are so bad at the gift department. My wife was once a fashion model for a short time, so you can imagine how picky she is in clothes. Buying a dress is an all day affair unless I do it for her. She's brutally honest, but has never wanted to return a gift I gave when its clothing. Plenty of other items were returned, though. The one dress that she did return, she repurchased a couple of weeks later and told me to keep my mouth shut.

But no matter how busy we are, we can do something to let a woman know that we think of her often. I did the $100 bill thing once, and she gave it back to me later when she asked me to pick up milk on the way home from work. I got the hint.

My office is near a Target. I've had bluetooth conference calls with colleagues in India and China while buying decorations for a dinner surprise. Sadly, once they realized what I was up to, I get all kinds of 'helpful' suggestions, mostly in the lingerie realm. But if you think about it, when it gets really busy, just the time you took to post this thread can add a few chosen words to a card that you write on an online order form for flowers, pajamas, personalized M&Ms, and even bakeries in some cities.

Enchantment

Hi chillymorn ~
I don't know your particular story, but I do know that as a woman and a wife, I would not be attracted to a man who had an attitude such as above.

I would suggest that instead of "ramping up the romance and all of that happy horsesh!t" that you instead take a look inside yourself and see what you can do to improve YOU - and do it just for yourself. There's the infamous sticky over in the Men's Clubhouse that should be read, and there are a number of threads from men who started on a journey of gaining back their own self-respect and happiness and that could offer support and guidance. It is something you should seriously consider doing.

Do it for yourself - don't wait for your wife to come around to make you happy or to change. The only person you truly have any hope of changing is ... yourself. God speed.

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