I really could do with some advice.
One main issue for me is the fact my wife shows me absolutely no respect. I am a very hard working man, and I always put her first. I constantly do nice romantic things for her, and treat her with the respect I would any other person. With me, it's a completely different story. When she upsets me she gets angry at the fact I am upset, and then comes the huge amount of rage, screaming, crying, shouting, and telling me to f*** off constantly. Even after arguments that last for half an hour she still refuses to apologise, and then finally when she does, she seems to think that's fine. The problem is for me, the apology doesn't mean anything because next week she will curse at me, scream, yell, and throw one of her tamper tantrums yet again.
I'm not really sure where to turn here? Unfortunately over the last 3 years I have had a lot of health problems with depression and anxiety, which have been a strain. I feel as though because I have had health issues she thinks I am weak, and treats me that way. I wish I could feel fine all of the time, I really do, but anyone who has experienced these things will know how debilitating it is. I could go on and on about our relationships and other issues I have, however I think it's probably best I give you a typical scenario of what happens, this happened last night and has carried on through to today.
Last night she commented on an old photo of me, and basically put me down because she said I looked a lot older, and had less hair. Now yes, this is true and I can accept that - but ladies, imagine me picking up the same photo and saying "You've aged and you've put quite a lot of weight on haven't you?" — she can't seem to gage why that upset me. So once this had happened, she got angry again because I was upset, and she refused to acknowledge the fact I was, she just got into a huge rage over everything. This morning she said sorry again, and then when she got to work I basically told her we have to do something about this anger issue she has had as long as I can remember, and also the lack of respect. She also hardly EVER comes on to me sexually, we have a good sex life but I always have to instigate or to basically moan about it for something to be done. She says she is just like that and doesn't think about being the first person to make the move, but I don't believe that. Is she not attracted to me, I know it's hard to tell given we are all different but it shatters my confidence and I think part of the reason I am a bit at rock bottom is because my own woman doesn't make me feel like I am wanted, respected, and attractive.
Just to give you an idea of the kind of conversations we have here are our messages from today, I am quite angry in places here but it's just frustration, please let me know what you think...
ME:
I think we need to go and get some professional help, I'm sorry but I can't deal with the childish tempter tantrums and the huge amount of anger anymore, they make me act in the same way back because I don't know what to do, I feel scared, and frustrations sets in at the fact I can't get any of my points across. I'm not going to put up with being spoken to that way, it's feels like a form of wanting power and control over me and it leaves me feeling depressed, upset, and hugely disrespected. I am a man and I deserve to be treated like one, not shouted and screamed at like some kind of animal. When you fail to acknowledge the fact I am upset it makes me feel as though I'm not cared about. I'm sure that kind of behaviour may have worked when you were younger with your parents but it's just not acceptable in a marriage. I appreciate your sorry but when this keeps on happening and has for a very long time, something needs to be done about it, I can't live my life this way it's making me ill. I know you get upset and I understand that but it's the full blown rage, failure to acknowledge any wrong doing, the yelling at me, talking down to me, and the telling me to **** off which is just too much, I don't think you realise how bad it is, can we do something about it together? It needs sorting out, are you willing to go to heather to talk about it? I need a happy calm life I can't live in fear of doing something wrong, and be made to feel disrespected and tiny constantly because I'm not falling in line with expectations, it's making me sick.
WIFE:
I'm sorry don't know what else to say
ME:
So you expect me to respect you, but you won’t respect me in return? It’s no wonder you show no interest to be honest, I’m too much of a soft touch and a walk over for you, I’m easy right? And that’s not attractive is it. Sometimes I don’t know who you think you are to be honest, put up with this **** for too long
Maybe you want out and are too chicken **** to say it, and that’s why you couldn’t care less about my feelings.
WIFE:
You just decided I'm a bad person so what's the point in me trying to convince you otherwise. I'm a control freak who enjoys upsetting you
ME:
Wow
WIFE:
See you say it again 'I don't care' what would you know. Upsetting me at work are you trying your hardest to break me into pieces. I'm fed up of having to reassure and justify myself all the time. I'm am who I am you are who you are. We know that after 10 yrs why we have to keep going over and over. Yes I'm sorry I upset you but you chose to take what I was saying the wrong way too.
ME:
You don’t respect me, it’s not a simple you’ve upset me. It’s a complete lack of respect.
WIFE:
I'll never be good enough for you. I'm no good for anyone. You just hate me like everyone else. Thanks for making me cry at work. Leave me alone
For my own sanity and health, I really have to do something about this now. I love this woman, don't get me wrong but when she turns into this other person it just makes me feel tiny, and it does affect me in a big way. We've both had our issues, however as you will tell from above i am willing to confront my demons and work on myself, I don't live in denial like she does and pretend it's all ok. It's obviously not okay, and I don't want to leave I want to be happy, but I don't know what to do or how to act now. Can anyone give me any advice at all?
I feel like everything has gone against me over the past few years, not in any kind of feel sorry for myself way but just having to deal with everything. Could this relationship be making me sick without realising it? I love this woman but she makes me feel like a shadow of myself.
Thanks for listening!
One main issue for me is the fact my wife shows me absolutely no respect. I am a very hard working man, and I always put her first. I constantly do nice romantic things for her, and treat her with the respect I would any other person. With me, it's a completely different story. When she upsets me she gets angry at the fact I am upset, and then comes the huge amount of rage, screaming, crying, shouting, and telling me to f*** off constantly. Even after arguments that last for half an hour she still refuses to apologise, and then finally when she does, she seems to think that's fine. The problem is for me, the apology doesn't mean anything because next week she will curse at me, scream, yell, and throw one of her tamper tantrums yet again.
I'm not really sure where to turn here? Unfortunately over the last 3 years I have had a lot of health problems with depression and anxiety, which have been a strain. I feel as though because I have had health issues she thinks I am weak, and treats me that way. I wish I could feel fine all of the time, I really do, but anyone who has experienced these things will know how debilitating it is. I could go on and on about our relationships and other issues I have, however I think it's probably best I give you a typical scenario of what happens, this happened last night and has carried on through to today.
Last night she commented on an old photo of me, and basically put me down because she said I looked a lot older, and had less hair. Now yes, this is true and I can accept that - but ladies, imagine me picking up the same photo and saying "You've aged and you've put quite a lot of weight on haven't you?" — she can't seem to gage why that upset me. So once this had happened, she got angry again because I was upset, and she refused to acknowledge the fact I was, she just got into a huge rage over everything. This morning she said sorry again, and then when she got to work I basically told her we have to do something about this anger issue she has had as long as I can remember, and also the lack of respect. She also hardly EVER comes on to me sexually, we have a good sex life but I always have to instigate or to basically moan about it for something to be done. She says she is just like that and doesn't think about being the first person to make the move, but I don't believe that. Is she not attracted to me, I know it's hard to tell given we are all different but it shatters my confidence and I think part of the reason I am a bit at rock bottom is because my own woman doesn't make me feel like I am wanted, respected, and attractive.
Just to give you an idea of the kind of conversations we have here are our messages from today, I am quite angry in places here but it's just frustration, please let me know what you think...
ME:
I think we need to go and get some professional help, I'm sorry but I can't deal with the childish tempter tantrums and the huge amount of anger anymore, they make me act in the same way back because I don't know what to do, I feel scared, and frustrations sets in at the fact I can't get any of my points across. I'm not going to put up with being spoken to that way, it's feels like a form of wanting power and control over me and it leaves me feeling depressed, upset, and hugely disrespected. I am a man and I deserve to be treated like one, not shouted and screamed at like some kind of animal. When you fail to acknowledge the fact I am upset it makes me feel as though I'm not cared about. I'm sure that kind of behaviour may have worked when you were younger with your parents but it's just not acceptable in a marriage. I appreciate your sorry but when this keeps on happening and has for a very long time, something needs to be done about it, I can't live my life this way it's making me ill. I know you get upset and I understand that but it's the full blown rage, failure to acknowledge any wrong doing, the yelling at me, talking down to me, and the telling me to **** off which is just too much, I don't think you realise how bad it is, can we do something about it together? It needs sorting out, are you willing to go to heather to talk about it? I need a happy calm life I can't live in fear of doing something wrong, and be made to feel disrespected and tiny constantly because I'm not falling in line with expectations, it's making me sick.
WIFE:
I'm sorry don't know what else to say
ME:
So you expect me to respect you, but you won’t respect me in return? It’s no wonder you show no interest to be honest, I’m too much of a soft touch and a walk over for you, I’m easy right? And that’s not attractive is it. Sometimes I don’t know who you think you are to be honest, put up with this **** for too long
Maybe you want out and are too chicken **** to say it, and that’s why you couldn’t care less about my feelings.
WIFE:
You just decided I'm a bad person so what's the point in me trying to convince you otherwise. I'm a control freak who enjoys upsetting you
ME:
Wow
WIFE:
See you say it again 'I don't care' what would you know. Upsetting me at work are you trying your hardest to break me into pieces. I'm fed up of having to reassure and justify myself all the time. I'm am who I am you are who you are. We know that after 10 yrs why we have to keep going over and over. Yes I'm sorry I upset you but you chose to take what I was saying the wrong way too.
ME:
You don’t respect me, it’s not a simple you’ve upset me. It’s a complete lack of respect.
WIFE:
I'll never be good enough for you. I'm no good for anyone. You just hate me like everyone else. Thanks for making me cry at work. Leave me alone
For my own sanity and health, I really have to do something about this now. I love this woman, don't get me wrong but when she turns into this other person it just makes me feel tiny, and it does affect me in a big way. We've both had our issues, however as you will tell from above i am willing to confront my demons and work on myself, I don't live in denial like she does and pretend it's all ok. It's obviously not okay, and I don't want to leave I want to be happy, but I don't know what to do or how to act now. Can anyone give me any advice at all?
I feel like everything has gone against me over the past few years, not in any kind of feel sorry for myself way but just having to deal with everything. Could this relationship be making me sick without realising it? I love this woman but she makes me feel like a shadow of myself.
Thanks for listening!