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Help! My Wife Doesn't Respect Me

13K views 85 replies 19 participants last post by  arabian 
#1 ·
I really could do with some advice.

One main issue for me is the fact my wife shows me absolutely no respect. I am a very hard working man, and I always put her first. I constantly do nice romantic things for her, and treat her with the respect I would any other person. With me, it's a completely different story. When she upsets me she gets angry at the fact I am upset, and then comes the huge amount of rage, screaming, crying, shouting, and telling me to f*** off constantly. Even after arguments that last for half an hour she still refuses to apologise, and then finally when she does, she seems to think that's fine. The problem is for me, the apology doesn't mean anything because next week she will curse at me, scream, yell, and throw one of her tamper tantrums yet again.

I'm not really sure where to turn here? Unfortunately over the last 3 years I have had a lot of health problems with depression and anxiety, which have been a strain. I feel as though because I have had health issues she thinks I am weak, and treats me that way. I wish I could feel fine all of the time, I really do, but anyone who has experienced these things will know how debilitating it is. I could go on and on about our relationships and other issues I have, however I think it's probably best I give you a typical scenario of what happens, this happened last night and has carried on through to today.

Last night she commented on an old photo of me, and basically put me down because she said I looked a lot older, and had less hair. Now yes, this is true and I can accept that - but ladies, imagine me picking up the same photo and saying "You've aged and you've put quite a lot of weight on haven't you?" — she can't seem to gage why that upset me. So once this had happened, she got angry again because I was upset, and she refused to acknowledge the fact I was, she just got into a huge rage over everything. This morning she said sorry again, and then when she got to work I basically told her we have to do something about this anger issue she has had as long as I can remember, and also the lack of respect. She also hardly EVER comes on to me sexually, we have a good sex life but I always have to instigate or to basically moan about it for something to be done. She says she is just like that and doesn't think about being the first person to make the move, but I don't believe that. Is she not attracted to me, I know it's hard to tell given we are all different but it shatters my confidence and I think part of the reason I am a bit at rock bottom is because my own woman doesn't make me feel like I am wanted, respected, and attractive.

Just to give you an idea of the kind of conversations we have here are our messages from today, I am quite angry in places here but it's just frustration, please let me know what you think...


ME:
I think we need to go and get some professional help, I'm sorry but I can't deal with the childish tempter tantrums and the huge amount of anger anymore, they make me act in the same way back because I don't know what to do, I feel scared, and frustrations sets in at the fact I can't get any of my points across. I'm not going to put up with being spoken to that way, it's feels like a form of wanting power and control over me and it leaves me feeling depressed, upset, and hugely disrespected. I am a man and I deserve to be treated like one, not shouted and screamed at like some kind of animal. When you fail to acknowledge the fact I am upset it makes me feel as though I'm not cared about. I'm sure that kind of behaviour may have worked when you were younger with your parents but it's just not acceptable in a marriage. I appreciate your sorry but when this keeps on happening and has for a very long time, something needs to be done about it, I can't live my life this way it's making me ill. I know you get upset and I understand that but it's the full blown rage, failure to acknowledge any wrong doing, the yelling at me, talking down to me, and the telling me to **** off which is just too much, I don't think you realise how bad it is, can we do something about it together? It needs sorting out, are you willing to go to heather to talk about it? I need a happy calm life I can't live in fear of doing something wrong, and be made to feel disrespected and tiny constantly because I'm not falling in line with expectations, it's making me sick.

WIFE:
I'm sorry don't know what else to say

ME:
So you expect me to respect you, but you won’t respect me in return? It’s no wonder you show no interest to be honest, I’m too much of a soft touch and a walk over for you, I’m easy right? And that’s not attractive is it. Sometimes I don’t know who you think you are to be honest, put up with this **** for too long
Maybe you want out and are too chicken **** to say it, and that’s why you couldn’t care less about my feelings.

WIFE:
You just decided I'm a bad person so what's the point in me trying to convince you otherwise. I'm a control freak who enjoys upsetting you

ME:
Wow

WIFE:
See you say it again 'I don't care' what would you know. Upsetting me at work are you trying your hardest to break me into pieces. I'm fed up of having to reassure and justify myself all the time. I'm am who I am you are who you are. We know that after 10 yrs why we have to keep going over and over. Yes I'm sorry I upset you but you chose to take what I was saying the wrong way too.

ME:
You don’t respect me, it’s not a simple you’ve upset me. It’s a complete lack of respect.

WIFE:
I'll never be good enough for you. I'm no good for anyone. You just hate me like everyone else. Thanks for making me cry at work. Leave me alone


For my own sanity and health, I really have to do something about this now. I love this woman, don't get me wrong but when she turns into this other person it just makes me feel tiny, and it does affect me in a big way. We've both had our issues, however as you will tell from above i am willing to confront my demons and work on myself, I don't live in denial like she does and pretend it's all ok. It's obviously not okay, and I don't want to leave I want to be happy, but I don't know what to do or how to act now. Can anyone give me any advice at all?

I feel like everything has gone against me over the past few years, not in any kind of feel sorry for myself way but just having to deal with everything. Could this relationship be making me sick without realising it? I love this woman but she makes me feel like a shadow of myself.

Thanks for listening!
 
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#2 ·
ME:
I think we need to go and get some professional help, I'm sorry but I can't deal with the childish tempter tantrums and the huge amount of anger anymore, they make me act in the same way back because I don't know what to do, I feel scared, and frustrations sets in at the fact I can't get any of my points across. I'm not going to put up with being spoken to that way, it's feels like a form of wanting power and control over me and it leaves me feeling depressed, upset, and hugely disrespected. I am a man and I deserve to be treated like one, not shouted and screamed at like some kind of animal. When you fail to acknowledge the fact I am upset it makes me feel as though I'm not cared about. I'm sure that kind of behaviour may have worked when you were younger with your parents but it's just not acceptable in a marriage. I appreciate your sorry but when this keeps on happening and has for a very long time, something needs to be done about it, I can't live my life this way it's making me ill. I know you get upset and I understand that but it's the full blown rage, failure to acknowledge any wrong doing, the yelling at me, talking down to me, and the telling me to **** off which is just too much, I don't think you realise how bad it is, can we do something about it together? It needs sorting out, are you willing to go to heather to talk about it? I need a happy calm life I can't live in fear of doing something wrong, and be made to feel disrespected and tiny constantly because I'm not falling in line with expectations, it's making me sick.

WIFE:
I'm sorry don't know what else to say How about, "Yes, I'm willing to go talk to Heather about this and start to solve this problem together."

ME:
So you expect me to respect you, but you won’t respect me in return? It’s no wonder you show no interest to be honest, I’m too much of a soft touch and a walk over for you, I’m easy right? And that’s not attractive is it. Sometimes I don’t know who you think you are to be honest, put up with this **** for too long
Maybe you want out and are too chicken **** to say it, and that’s why you couldn’t care less about my feelings.
I indicated what I think her response SHOULD have been in your talk. Also bolded where I think you went off the rails a little bit. She didn't say she expects you to respect her but she won't respect you. I mean, she kinda showed it by dismissing everything you said, and your request to get help, but if you'd responded with a simple, "What I'd like you to say is that you'll get help with me," the conversation may have not turned into so much of a pity party. Your wife is being immature....oh woe is me, everyone hates me, I might as well eat worms.....

These are not words of a woman who thinks highly of herself. They are the words of someone who knows she is wrong, but is afraid to address it and get help for herself.

You may need to issue an ultimatum.
 
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#3 ·
It sounds like each of you is looking for leadership and understanding from the other, instead of trying to provide it for the other. To me it looks like a marriage of two emotional submissives.

I am surprised you have a sex life at all, much less a good one.

If I did not respect my husband, I would not be married to him, much less having sex with him. If he were needy and whiny, and asking me to fix things, instead of looking at himself first, and how he could improve our relationship, I would not feel respect for him.

I bet your wife feels like she has been pretty patient with you.

If I were you, I would start practicing Active Listening in a big way. Look past her tone, and focus on her underlying message: she does not feel understood and appreciated. Active Listening should help her feel understood. If she feels understood, she is more likely to be open to trying to understand you, without immediately feeling defeated and blamed, and becoming defensive.

I would skip ultimatums, threats, punishments, etc. I would just go with inspiring her respect, first through working on yourself, and secondly, approaching her with empathy, not demands.
 
#6 ·
If he did not show me any respect, we would not be married. :)

He practices active listening with me frequently, and just empathy in general. It is what makes me feel loved and understood. All that makes me want to give back to him. This interplay makes for a harmonious, loving marriage. :)

Ah, I think you are going to get two general types of responses here. Most will be telling you that you are justified in your anger and need to set boundaries and show her who is boss. You will be encouraged to use "consequences" to establish and maintain control.

The other response, usually in the minority here on TAM, will be along the lines of what I told you: Inspire her trust and respect by improving your character and showing her empathy.

Best of luck with whichever approach you choose. :)
 
#5 ·
OP you start your thread with "I could use some advice ..." and when JLD tries to give you just that, you respond aggressively. Do you not see that in itself as a problem ?

JLD is trying to tell you to look past the perceived disrespect and see what else might be staring you in the face. Remember you can never ask for respect. True respect is always earned.

For example, you can threaten a kid to respect their elders but in the end it always has to be earned.

Is it even remotely possible that there is more to this than simply my wife doesn't respect me ? JLD has given you very good advice on the active listening bit.

Start by actively listening to her advice!
 
#7 ·
Well said, manfromlamancha. :)
 
#11 ·
I always put her first.
So sad. Another XY chromosome human is castrated and assumes beta status.

I had to stop reading here.

The end is near.
 
#13 ·
I really could do with some advice.

One main issue for me is the fact my wife shows me absolutely no respect. I am a very hard working man, and I always put her first. I constantly do nice romantic things for her, and treat her with the respect I would any other person. With me, it's a completely different story. When she upsets me she gets angry at the fact I am upset, and then comes the huge amount of rage, screaming, crying, shouting, and telling me to f*** off constantly. Even after arguments that last for half an hour she still refuses to apologise, and then finally when she does, she seems to think that's fine. The problem is for me, the apology doesn't mean anything because next week she will curse at me, scream, yell, and throw one of her tamper tantrums yet again.

I'm not really sure where to turn here? Unfortunately over the last 3 years I have had a lot of health problems with depression and anxiety, which have been a strain. I feel as though because I have had health issues she thinks I am weak, and treats me that way. I wish I could feel fine all of the time, I really do, but anyone who has experienced these things will know how debilitating it is. I could go on and on about our relationships and other issues I have, however I think it's probably best I give you a typical scenario of what happens, this happened last night and has carried on through to today.

Last night she commented on an old photo of me, and basically put me down because she said I looked a lot older, and had less hair. Now yes, this is true and I can accept that - but ladies, imagine me picking up the same photo and saying "You've aged and you've put quite a lot of weight on haven't you?" — she can't seem to gage why that upset me. So once this had happened, she got angry again because I was upset, and she refused to acknowledge the fact I was, she just got into a huge rage over everything. This morning she said sorry again, and then when she got to work I basically told her we have to do something about this anger issue she has had as long as I can remember, and also the lack of respect. She also hardly EVER comes on to me sexually, we have a good sex life but I always have to instigate or to basically moan about it for something to be done. She says she is just like that and doesn't think about being the first person to make the move, but I don't believe that. Is she not attracted to me, I know it's hard to tell given we are all different but it shatters my confidence and I think part of the reason I am a bit at rock bottom is because my own woman doesn't make me feel like I am wanted, respected, and attractive.

Just to give you an idea of the kind of conversations we have here are our messages from today, I am quite angry in places here but it's just frustration, please let me know what you think...


ME:
I think we need to go and get some professional help, I'm sorry but I can't deal with the childish tempter tantrums and the huge amount of anger anymore, they make me act in the same way back because I don't know what to do, I feel scared, and frustrations sets in at the fact I can't get any of my points across. I'm not going to put up with being spoken to that way, it's feels like a form of wanting power and control over me and it leaves me feeling depressed, upset, and hugely disrespected. I am a man and I deserve to be treated like one, not shouted and screamed at like some kind of animal. When you fail to acknowledge the fact I am upset it makes me feel as though I'm not cared about. I'm sure that kind of behaviour may have worked when you were younger with your parents but it's just not acceptable in a marriage. I appreciate your sorry but when this keeps on happening and has for a very long time, something needs to be done about it, I can't live my life this way it's making me ill. I know you get upset and I understand that but it's the full blown rage, failure to acknowledge any wrong doing, the yelling at me, talking down to me, and the telling me to **** off which is just too much, I don't think you realise how bad it is, can we do something about it together? It needs sorting out, are you willing to go to heather to talk about it? I need a happy calm life I can't live in fear of doing something wrong, and be made to feel disrespected and tiny constantly because I'm not falling in line with expectations, it's making me sick.

WIFE:
I'm sorry don't know what else to say

ME:
So you expect me to respect you, but you won’t respect me in return? It’s no wonder you show no interest to be honest, I’m too much of a soft touch and a walk over for you, I’m easy right? And that’s not attractive is it. Sometimes I don’t know who you think you are to be honest, put up with this **** for too long
Maybe you want out and are too chicken **** to say it, and that’s why you couldn’t care less about my feelings.

WIFE:
You just decided I'm a bad person so what's the point in me trying to convince you otherwise. I'm a control freak who enjoys upsetting you

ME:
Wow

WIFE:
See you say it again 'I don't care' what would you know. Upsetting me at work are you trying your hardest to break me into pieces. I'm fed up of having to reassure and justify myself all the time. I'm am who I am you are who you are. We know that after 10 yrs why we have to keep going over and over. Yes I'm sorry I upset you but you chose to take what I was saying the wrong way too.

ME:
You don’t respect me, it’s not a simple you’ve upset me. It’s a complete lack of respect.

WIFE:
I'll never be good enough for you. I'm no good for anyone. You just hate me like everyone else. Thanks for making me cry at work. Leave me alone


For my own sanity and health, I really have to do something about this now. I love this woman, don't get me wrong but when she turns into this other person it just makes me feel tiny, and it does affect me in a big way. We've both had our issues, however as you will tell from above i am willing to confront my demons and work on myself, I don't live in denial like she does and pretend it's all ok. It's obviously not okay, and I don't want to leave I want to be happy, but I don't know what to do or how to act now. Can anyone give me any advice at all?

I feel like everything has gone against me over the past few years, not in any kind of feel sorry for myself way but just having to deal with everything. Could this relationship be making me sick without realising it? I love this woman but she makes me feel like a shadow of myself.

Thanks for listening!
When you try to discuss how your DW's behavior is affecting you, she assumes the victim posture. Active listening will not remedy this abuse. OP, you are 100% correct, you need IC to figure this out.
 
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#24 ·
Active listening is a method of non-violent communication meant to de-escalate tension and defuse anger. It requires remaining calm, patient, and sincerely interested in understanding the other person. If done properly, it should not only resolve conflict, but earn the listener a great deal of respect and trust from his partner.

3 simple ideas for practicing active listening:

1. Repeat her words back to her. "You think that I think you are a bad person. You feel like there is no point in trying to convince me otherwise."

2. Paraphrase her words back to her, reflecting the feeling. "You feel like I don't listen to you, but instead just blame you. I act like you are a control freak, and that you are the problem in our marriage, instead of taking responsibility for what I have contributed to our problems."

3. Ask an open-ended question. "I think you feel defeated, like I am always blaming you for the problems in our marriage. That has eroded your trust in me. How can I re-earn your trust?"

You must go into active listening with an open mind. You do not have to agree with anything she says, but you owe it to yourself to try to see where she is coming from. We can all learn from honest criticism, even when it hurts our pride. Especially when it hurts our pride.

Two things to avoid:

1. Becoming defensive. "I do everything any woman could want. You are the problem in this marriage!"

2. Explaining. "I have anxiety issues that prevent me from being able to hear you first, because I am so consumed with getting my own needs met."

When she is upset, she cannot hear it. She cannot process it. Wait until she is calmer and feels understood by you. Then you will be able to explain, and have your words and intent received in the spirit you mean them.

Active listening is empathy in action. It is seeking first to understand, and then to be understood. And it would surely diffuse some of the resentment that has built up in your relationship.
 
#18 ·
OP I must say that I am impressed with your turnaround approach on tackling this - active listening is a powerful technique that doesn't necessarily mean you drive or lead the conversation but take from what is being said.

I wish you luck and success.
 
#19 ·
Thanks, but unfortunately as I am not a councillor I don't really have any experience in this. I think I understand what active listening is, but how does that remedy anything?

Luckily for me, I put my foot down (whether that is right or wrong) and my wife has agreed to come to see a councillor to sort this out. We can't just ignore it, however it manifests.
 
#20 ·
Take a look again at the sections I bolded. This is not a woman who is misunderstood, this is someone foisting abuse because she can. I agree with JLD that you are enabling this abuse. The entire purpose of IC is for you to recognize how you are contributing to this behavior and set proper boundaries with your DW. We deal with abuse not with appeasement but with firm boundaries. Your DW is free to be who she wants to be, and you are free to decide if you want her as a partner.

Surrender attempts at control ... accept you cannot change your DW's behavior, only your own.
 
#23 ·
So I've made a huge mistake and married someone who won't change then? I mean the change isn't about becoming a different person, it's just about treating me well that's all.

I'm the kind of person who likes to try and fix something, but I guess now all I can do is look to split up, lose half of everything I ever earned and have given up for this woman, and start a new life on my own? Completely confused with all of this stuff.
 
#21 ·
It seems as though it might not be that simple now. After she agreed to see the councillor, I said....

ME:
Well I think we can both agree that we’re not communicating properly. I am making you feel victimised, and you’re making me feel disrespected, so we need some help with it right?

and I just got this in reply...

WIFE:
Yep
 
#25 ·
I think you just started some active listening. :)
 
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#22 ·
Seeing an experienced counsellor is not a bad thing - good step to take! The active listening may help you translate what you perceive to be disrespect into other issues that she is trying to communicate and almost certainly, badly. She probably has other issues like communication skills, empathy with your feelings etc and may appear more disrespectful than she wanted.

We are all just struggling with similar issues so there are not that many experts here. Some have a better understanding than others - I think JLD is one. Very compassionate person from what I see. And more right about things than wrong (JLD you can mail me my cheque later :smile2:)
 
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#27 ·
You would also do well to read the book in my signature.
 
#28 ·
JLD — Thank you for your advice. I took it and repeated the question back to her, and here is how it's unfolded...

ME:
You think that I think you are a bad person. You feel like there is no point in trying to convince me otherwise?

WIFE:
It's not that I think there's no point I just don't get why you think bad in the first place

What do I say now?
 
#31 ·
How about an open-ended question. "Honey, I am sorry I make you feel like I think you are a bad person. That is not what I want you to think. What are the things I say or do that make it seem like I think you are a bad person? Help me understand, please, so I can stop."
 
#37 ·
After being unavailable when I called at work yet again. Gets me worrying, yes I know it's a really bad thing on my behalf but I mean when we have issues like this, it's not unheard of thinking there could be someone else right? Anyway after 40 minutes waiting, she texted....

WIFE:
Just what I have said to you before. When you bring up money it makes me feel inadequate, when you call me a control freak and say I like upsetting you and putting you down and just when you don't believe what I say. I know we all need some reassurance from time to time but I want you to believe in me and us and sometimes you question the same things again and again.
 
#40 ·
It sounds like your anxiety is the root of the problem. If you can face your fears head on, ideally with your counselor, you should start to be able to build some self-confidence. Then you will not be so dependent on your wife emotionally, which should be a big relief for her.
 
#41 ·
I think I would respond like this:

"Wife, I think I have been projecting my own fears and sense of inadequacy onto you. I need to address my fears in counseling instead of always expecting you to shore me up somehow."

"I want to make a commitment to working on myself instead of blaming you, which is what I usually tend to do when I am anxious. I hope you can be patient with me as I learn new, healthier ways of dealing with my fears."

Ah, have you done much reading on how to develop inner strength?
 
#46 ·
Keep talking to us. Just keep talking. You sound like someone who needs to express himself, so do it here.
 
#48 ·
I think you're missing the point. You can label the link emotional turmoil, but the article is about mid-life crisis specifically, and nothing there relates to me. Have you ever heard of anyone who goes through a midlife crisis haunted by the following questions...

• Why are we here
• Is death the end
• Are there other dimensions to this life other than the physical one
• Are there good and evil forces at play which can influence peoples emotions and feelings, hence why awful things happen?

I'm a problem solver at heart, and I am creative. I cannot solve any of these things, and that is what causes the anxiety. I've experienced some very strange things over the last 3/4 years that have changed my life. I realised I wasn't a good person for most of my life, I was driven by money, greed, and other things that are not good. I have made a huge effort to change myself, and I have changed. I have started helping others, I have stopped concentrating on the above, but it's the last 2/3 years where problems have come in. I don't know what these are, you ask a doctor he tells you it's XYZ from his little book, you ask someone spiritual they tell you it's to do with your spirit, you ask someone religious they tell you it's to do with God, sin, and repent. So if you ask me if this is a midlife crisis, it certainly isn't. If anything, I've been living a lie for most of my life, and it's the shocking reality of finally waking up, pondering on the questions of life, and the fact I can't find concrete answers that's messing me up. Throw in anxiety, stress, and depression to boot and you've a deadly ****tail which eliminates the possibility of thinking clearly, and puts me in emotional turmoil.

You see people have distraction in life, they have careers, they have kids, they have a false sense of self without truly learning and developing internally. I work on my own, so I have a lot of thinking time, and not much distraction, I'm artistic so I am naturally up and down, and it's only when you stop and think about all these things that it becomes a problem. Most peoples minds are focused on what's for tea tonight, some reality program, or facebook. For me it's different, it's harder, but it's real.
 
#49 ·
The existential questions are a part of your path.

Path to the Soul

You are right that some people never struggle with the existential questions. Their lives are filled with busy endeavors that are important to them, just as the big questions are important to you.

Let me ask a question: What happened in your life that prompted you to make the decision to change course?
 
#50 ·
I had a week of the most severe depression you could imagine (literally hours upon end staring into space in my room) and crying, and feeling torture and pain and then I felt the most unexplainable feeling I ever have in my entire life, a complete connection to everything, a bliss. That horrific pain lifted as if it was a cloak around me being taken off.

After that some strange spiritual things started to happen in the house, and I started to realise that the way I was going in life was wrong. I was greedy, i cheated, lied, deceived, all for my own disgusting selfish gain. I lived for materialism, I used my success and wealth as a false stool for confidence, and then one day everything just clicked, I felt completely different and I decided I needed to change my life somehow.

I'm still at the 'how do I change my life' point, but since then I've done good things, and I am trying to be the best person I can be and not get lost in the horrible path I was previously...

That's how it all began...
 
#52 ·
How old is your wife and how long have you been married? Do you have any children and what ages are they if you have them?

I am 57 years old, 35 years married (1st time marriage for the both of us), career woman, and elected to be without children. I learned early on our marriage not to shout, scream, and raise my voice to my young husband. (He was 24 years old and I was 22 when we married.) He detest that type of behavior.

On the other hand, my mother did what yours is doing. I had to consciously undo what my mother modeled for me. My way of doing this is to lower my voice and octave down and tell my husband that I need to speak to him as I am very upset. His response is to allow me to speak and he will respond back. We do not shout nor scream at each other. This strategy works for us as we are both A types and neither of us will win an argument.
 
#54 ·
OP, how about you focus on being the best version of yourself for YOU and quit being so sensitive. Sounds like you dont respect yourself and are a bit touchy. So what if she says you have lost hair and put on weight? You cry about that? How about getting some exercise and being the best you can with what you have. Do what you want to do, ignore her criticisms and move on with your day. It is the man's job to make the problems seem smaller, not blow them out of proportion.

And dont keep TALKING about your issues with her. If she has things she wants to share, listen with love but do not bring your problems to her in that way. Be a man.
 
#60 ·
I think that's a little bit harsh. You wouldn't tell someone who had just broken so many bones in there body to be a man, I'm at probably the lowest part of my life, the lowest I have felt in a very long time, and if I could just "BE A MAN" and snap out of it, I would, but it's not that simple. I feel weak and ill most days, and maybe that's because I have changed and I can't continue as I have previously, I don't know, but that's the truth.

I've battled with anxiety now for a couple of years, and I battle with paranoia as well that my wife may be cheating. It could all be in my head, or my gut instinct could be right. It's got pretty ugly and bad, and I've been kept away from her work now for many years having only met her colleagues she's worked with for 8 years once at my wedding. It's a taboo subject and if i ask anything i get attacked because she thinks I am getting paranoid, which is fair enough. Not quite sure what to do to be honest, even the IC doesn't seem to work for me.
 
#55 ·
When she starts on one of her rampages, leave the house, that's what I would do if I were you and if continues and she won't get help then I would think about leaving permanently. I doubt this will improve because she doesn't think she has a problem. She blames your problems on you. You need to stand up for yourself and don't take her abuse.
 
#56 ·
I do not know that I would take the stance that she is abusing him, I would say quit talking about it and take action.

The 'she said this so i said this so what do i say now?' stuff needs to end. She has to be getting sick of constantly having to talk in circles.

How about dont say anything?

Just go along with your day, be busy, happy, confident, start doing your own thing-- find a passion-- and having fun and if you deserve respect you will get it, and if she sees an attractive MAN living in her house, one of these days she will want to go along with you.
 
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