Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

How to tell her I dont want to be with her

2K views 18 replies 11 participants last post by  Marduk 
#1 ·
Hey

The title says it all

We are in our mid 30s, we are mature students and been together for nearly 3yrs now.

I realise now and see the major differences

I just dont know how to tell her I dont love her anymore. Ive never broken up with anyone my ex's have always broken up with me and I know that pain.

We share a student house separate rooms n all I just dont know how to tell her.. I know its gonna hurt her and I know being with her and not loving her is equally wrong. I'm a coward.

Please please please advise me on how I can do this and let her find her man.

Pls help

Thank you
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#2 ·
I think honesty is the way to go. I think you just need to tell her the truth rather than string her along, better now than later if this is what you want she deserves to know.
 
  • Like
Reactions: jld
#5 ·
Nobody likes breaking up with someone :(. It really does suck :(. You just have to be honest. There's no easy way to do it, unfortunately. At least not within the bounds of integrity.
 
  • Like
Reactions: jld
#6 ·
Honest and open. The sooner, the better.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kristisha
#7 ·
Agree with others. With the exception of my x wife I have ended all my other realtionships. Some went well and some didn't. But being forward and honest will, at some level, be appreciated. I know you want a way to let her down easy. But these things aren't easy. You just have to do it and realize that lying to her hurts her worse than letting her go

Good luck
 
#8 ·
I need to stay in the house until we finish but I know it will only make life harder for me, such a coward n selfish I am. But its better if I move out isn't it?

Honesty is the best policy I agree and to remain intergrity also but I know that pain I really do and I will feel it too dont know I just dont know how to word it and explain.

I wish there was a way I could do this without hurting her, she has very few friends too. She is strong though a fighter probably more emotionally then I .

I am also putting my emotions on her what I mean is that because I know the pain I know it will break her heart and to do that anyone sucks. But I need to because I know she ain't the one for me I wish I could do it without her feeling pain.

Then I dont know how much of these feelings are mine VS hers.

I'm a fool
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#9 ·
I think it would be easier on both of you if you could move out.

Nobody enjoys rejection. But almost everyone is glad, later on, that it happened. It frees both of them up to be with more suitable companions.
 
#10 ·
Do it for quickly, cleanly, and be honest about why. Don't leave her with unanswered questions to haunt her.

Let her have some dignity, and if you can leave her better than you found her, do that.

And then get the hell out of her life. Don't draw it out.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#14 ·
What do you mean by "Let her have some dignity, and if you can leave her better than you found her, do that. "??

"So who did you meet?" hand on heart nobody I just realise its not her. Our lives and paths are totally different and will not merge it seems, I have tried and so has she but still etc...

Thanks guys you lot have helped me , few years ago when I split with finace and again now.
 
#12 ·
Best thing to do is tell the truth and immediately....face to face.
Be kind but honest and tell her it isn't her it's you....since that's the truth. Easier to tell the truth than to lie.
Better for her to move on along to a better relationship.
Being dumped really sucks - but certainly better than being lead on that everything is fine when it isn't.

Marduk gave you an EXCELLENT answer!
 
#17 ·
Do you think she'd going to be completely blind-sided?

I really think you should move out. Take it from me (because I'm currently living it), living in the same house as someone you're no longer in a relationship with, especially when it was not your choice, is hellish. You need to move out for her, and I'd probably find another place/make a plan before you even tell her. Or at least give her a date you'll be out by.

I don't think anyone here can give you the exact words to say since we don't know either of you. But, I agree with the very clean break. Don't leave any room for "maybes" if you don't feel like there's ever a chance. Don't tell her you still love her and will always love her. You can begin by telling her you realize what you're about to say may break her heart and that's the last thing you want her to feel, but you have to think about yourself, too, and go from there.
 
#18 ·
That advice is priceless, really hit me deep

I think she will be blind sided for a while, after all the nature of us all is to think about ourselves.

You know since I made the post last night you guys have given me confidence that I must do it sooner rather then later. It needs to be done.

I like the way you said also do not give her false pretence that one day it may work, no just make a clean break.

Thank you so much I am indebited to you all
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top