Hello Everyone.
This is a first time in my life where I am bringing my marriage issues to the world to see.
I am not sure how to start, but please be patient with me, after all it is my FIRS time.
Here we go: My wife and I been married for 15 years. We got married in out mid 20’s. I am 2 years senior. We both are highly educated and successful professionals with two children. I have Masters and she has PhD. This info not for bragging but to give you an inside on our background. It took 6 month from the time we met to the time when we got married. At the beginning I was the one who was working while she was in school. I cannot say that right from beginning everything was rosy. We had our share of fights and happiness. That said, in general life was good, we had acceptable amount of a great sex and tolerated each other very well. One thing I noticed and experienced right away was how we communicated. I cannot say it was a lack of communications, on contrary, it was fully opened and abounded. The problem was, when talking to her, it was like a game of Chess, I had to think what I was saying and calculate steeps ahead so it would not be used against me at latter time. One other thing that was bothered me at the beginning and still does is how she treats my family. She is from aristocratic family, and I am just a mutt. When meeting my family, she behaves on her best, but when we are along it is always how my relatives misbehaved or embarrassed by talking too loud or not displaying proper manners and so on… Mind you, most of my relatives are well off people, with most of them very successful professionals who finished Ivy League schools. (I am not one of them, I just finished average collage). What bothers me, is this type of degradation is still going on 15 years later on weekly bases. She knows it is bothers me a lot, and I told her on multiple occasions that when she does it to my relatives I take it personally, as a personal insult. Unlike her, I do not express negative things about her family, and believe me, they are not saint. Even before my first child was born, our sex life went south. I have a very strong sex drive, she seems does not. What I hate most about it, she uses sex as a bargaining chip. I hate when she does it with every fiber in my body. Ooo, I forget to mention to you, I do love her very much, yes, I think I do.
Earlier this year she got promoted at the job with relocation to Europe. We decided to take this opportunity. She already moved to new country, and it been 2 month us leaving separately. I am schedule to move there right after kids finish school year.
Here is a kicker. During these two month of leaving separate, I LOVED every second of it. I do not feel lonely, because I have to take care of my 2 kids, and I feel very happy. I do not miss her for the some reason. I do not miss having been nagged about some insignificant things, playing conversation Chess game, and most surprised, I am not missing having SEX with her. She is good in bed, but been constantly rejected by her made me emotionally sick, and not having her near removed rejection fear, and liberated me. Do not get me wrong I do not blame her for this at all. I am truly think this is how she is. I knew this before we got married, I just underestimate the situation, and perhaps was too madly in love with her to fully understand consequences down the road.
Now, I am contemplating an idea just not to relocate. Kids got used to not having mother around and just talking to her via Skype. Financially I can afford to live on one income without sacrifices. In a pass I was thinking to finish my marriage due to mental strain I experiencing. I was hoping to use home as my fort, where I can get tranquility and mentally relax and recharge. However for a past 15 years it is just another mental job I have to do. I am mentally and emotionally drained.
I know this is a bad idea not to go there as she expects, and been rational, I will relocate there, but I am starting seriously thinking about possibility of divorce. I do think it could be better for all of us, including kids.
P.S. I think I needed to vent my frustrations and perhaps listen to other people opinion on this matter as my mind could be clouded by constant frustrations, and my judgment might not be right in this situation.
Thank you.
This is a first time in my life where I am bringing my marriage issues to the world to see.
I am not sure how to start, but please be patient with me, after all it is my FIRS time.
Here we go: My wife and I been married for 15 years. We got married in out mid 20’s. I am 2 years senior. We both are highly educated and successful professionals with two children. I have Masters and she has PhD. This info not for bragging but to give you an inside on our background. It took 6 month from the time we met to the time when we got married. At the beginning I was the one who was working while she was in school. I cannot say that right from beginning everything was rosy. We had our share of fights and happiness. That said, in general life was good, we had acceptable amount of a great sex and tolerated each other very well. One thing I noticed and experienced right away was how we communicated. I cannot say it was a lack of communications, on contrary, it was fully opened and abounded. The problem was, when talking to her, it was like a game of Chess, I had to think what I was saying and calculate steeps ahead so it would not be used against me at latter time. One other thing that was bothered me at the beginning and still does is how she treats my family. She is from aristocratic family, and I am just a mutt. When meeting my family, she behaves on her best, but when we are along it is always how my relatives misbehaved or embarrassed by talking too loud or not displaying proper manners and so on… Mind you, most of my relatives are well off people, with most of them very successful professionals who finished Ivy League schools. (I am not one of them, I just finished average collage). What bothers me, is this type of degradation is still going on 15 years later on weekly bases. She knows it is bothers me a lot, and I told her on multiple occasions that when she does it to my relatives I take it personally, as a personal insult. Unlike her, I do not express negative things about her family, and believe me, they are not saint. Even before my first child was born, our sex life went south. I have a very strong sex drive, she seems does not. What I hate most about it, she uses sex as a bargaining chip. I hate when she does it with every fiber in my body. Ooo, I forget to mention to you, I do love her very much, yes, I think I do.
Earlier this year she got promoted at the job with relocation to Europe. We decided to take this opportunity. She already moved to new country, and it been 2 month us leaving separately. I am schedule to move there right after kids finish school year.
Here is a kicker. During these two month of leaving separate, I LOVED every second of it. I do not feel lonely, because I have to take care of my 2 kids, and I feel very happy. I do not miss her for the some reason. I do not miss having been nagged about some insignificant things, playing conversation Chess game, and most surprised, I am not missing having SEX with her. She is good in bed, but been constantly rejected by her made me emotionally sick, and not having her near removed rejection fear, and liberated me. Do not get me wrong I do not blame her for this at all. I am truly think this is how she is. I knew this before we got married, I just underestimate the situation, and perhaps was too madly in love with her to fully understand consequences down the road.
Now, I am contemplating an idea just not to relocate. Kids got used to not having mother around and just talking to her via Skype. Financially I can afford to live on one income without sacrifices. In a pass I was thinking to finish my marriage due to mental strain I experiencing. I was hoping to use home as my fort, where I can get tranquility and mentally relax and recharge. However for a past 15 years it is just another mental job I have to do. I am mentally and emotionally drained.
I know this is a bad idea not to go there as she expects, and been rational, I will relocate there, but I am starting seriously thinking about possibility of divorce. I do think it could be better for all of us, including kids.
P.S. I think I needed to vent my frustrations and perhaps listen to other people opinion on this matter as my mind could be clouded by constant frustrations, and my judgment might not be right in this situation.
Thank you.