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Lack of affection

1K views 8 replies 9 participants last post by  mjalex 
#1 ·
I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 8 we have a little one who is 2. Is it normal for us to go days even weeks without kissing hugging or touching eachother? We only have sex if i initate it and i feel so distant that i rarely do, maybe once a month. Are others peoples marriage tne same way:frown2:
 
#2 ·
I'd like to give you advice on this, but I don't have much to give.....just know that you aren't alone in this. My wife is the same way...except she goes months without hugging, kissing, or having sex with me. What is your husband's personality type? Some people just aren't turned on by affection...my wife's love language is Acts of Service. The only way I can reach her is to do little things around the house for her, and sometimes this isn't even enough. Has he always been this way?
 
#3 ·
Mine was for awhile. But, my W and I did kiss every day. Hug. Sex was once a week maybe twice. I thought I was doing all the right things. Providing for all financially. Good dad. My W will tell anyone on these two counts I do very well. As for intimacy and deep understanding of each other. Well, not so much from me. Why, because I was providing and a good dad. Right? Wrong! The entire 3rd part of the marriage(intimacy) I was bungling big time.

So, what happened? One day I stumbled on some site that had forums with infidelity. Like TAM. There was a recurring theme in many of the sad stories of infidelity. Neglect, roommates, no connection, etc. A large light bulb went off in my head. I was screwing up a very large part of my marriage. I was enlightened. I did a complete 180 and worked to make the marriage come full circle!! Why? Because my faithful W of 21 years stayed the course. Prayed that I would be intimate, attentive, romantic and the H she always wanted and stood fast waiting on her prayer to be answered. My W deserved nothing less than my full undivided attention!!!! It has been bliss ever since.



So, you need to talk to your H and explain were there is lacking in the marriage. What you would like to see change. Your H may not realize what he is doing or not doing. He might even think the same of you and wondering what is going on. Communicate!
 
#5 ·
No, I can't really relate but I can imagine it is devastating to you and your spouse to lose that intimacy and core nurturing for the other. I have learned to not wait until my marriage is broken in order to maintain and care for it. If you are feelings disconnected....it is because you aren't tending to your partner anymore. Kiss him, tell him you are proud of him, listen to his worries and cares, cuddle, shower together, hug him, tell him you love him, get a babysitter and go out together, initiate sex....don't wait for the other person to fix things....they might be as perplexed as you are. Sometimes it takes one person to turn the tide of intimacy. It takes intimacy to build intimacy so if you want change you have to ignore those feelings of not feeling connected in order to get connected.
I understand that with a toddler you must be exhausted, yet remember the best thing you can do for a child is give your toddler two parents who love, invest and show kindness to the other. You can change this...you just have to feel motivated for change....and it begins with you.
 
#7 ·
You are probably in a situation where the conversation would go like this...

Why don't we have sex more often?
Well, we are never kissing or hugging.
I don't hug or kiss because we don't have sex.
Well, I don't have sex because we don't hug or kiss.
etc, etc, etc...

Who knows where and why it started???

I suggest you yourself start clean. Initiate, hug, kiss, cuddle. Expect rejection in the early stages (no one changes overnight). Don't stop for at least a month. If there hasn't been a change then you can address it outright with him that you've made the efforts and he hasn't.
 
#9 ·
I'm sorry to hear of your situation! :( If you wish to make a change, reflect on the dynamic of your relationship at the current moment. Do you talk to each other often? Is the physical aspect lacking, or the emotional as well?

A strong emotional bond can easily result in the need or desire for a stronger physical bond. I'd recommend finding merely 10 minutes a day to chat with your significant other about anything under the sun. Rant about your day, make jokes, attempt to enjoy each other's company, and first and foremost, reinvigorate a friendship. After a bit of time doing this, talk with your partner and see if he is willing to take it one step further and initiate an even deeper bond with more contact, dates, etc. I hope this helps!
 
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