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second marriages

8K views 78 replies 22 participants last post by  dkphap13 
#1 ·
wanting to hear about those who are in their second marriage. What are your general feelings, do you feel that things just didn't work out with your first spouse but you wish they had, but you have met another great partner regardless? Or do you feel that your second marriage was meant to be all along and wish you had met them first, like it was meant to be? Does the distinction of those 2 sentiments make sense? Wanting to hear some stories :)
 
#2 ·
My first wife was the true love and lust of my life. When she betrayed me I was crushed beyond belief. I lost my world.

Since I knew I would never love again like that I sought a 'friendship' love. Someone who I just meshed with seamlessly. So far it has worked very well. She's a snuggler addict and I like that. We hold hands constantly and call each other "Shoe" as we feel like a couple of old shoes. Just had our 13th anniversary.
 
#8 ·
Not answering this for myself.. but for my Father.. I have witnessed what a marriage is like when 2 people bulk heads in a # of areas.. much conflict, fighting and unhappiness... this was my parents. The love of his life was NOT MY MOTHER... she never even loved him -but always told me he was a Good man...

Not sure how he missed so many red flags with her.. being young, horny & assuming she wanted a similar lifestyle... well at least I was born... They'd both say that was the only good thing that came out of it..

Then he married my step Mom.. he knew her as long as my Mother.. they all grew up together.. -which was a tangled mess because she was married to HIS FRIEND.. lucky my dad didn't get killed.. but for these 2... it just seemed meant to be.. Everything clicked.. I do not recall any bad blood, fighting between them...they didn't engage in silent treatments, they enjoyed the same friends, lots of laughing, bantering, they love to travel, go camping...it just flowed.. my father was always very happy & joyful with her... to this day.. where he is, she is.. and vice versa..

I think about this from time to time.. I really hope to God she does't die before my father.. as he would probably die of a broken heart shorty after.. wouldn't be surprised if the same happened to her !..

Sometimes #2 really is "the one"...
 
#11 ·
My first wife was a mistake - she pulled the bait and switch on me, and it was an unhappy, mostly sexless marriage. I left when I could no longer delude myself into thinking it could get better. I'm glad it didn't work out.

My second wife is one of those rare, truly compatible people in all ways. I wish I'd met her first and never met my ex at all. She is my ideal match, one where the honeymoon phase has never ended.
 
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#23 · (Edited)
I'm on my second marriage and it's leaps and bounds better then my first. I would say that I wish I'd met him sooner but then I might not have my two boys. And since he's 19 years older and I was 31 when we met I don't know how well it would've worked if I was much younger. He is the great love of my life.

I feel bad for people with a one and done mentality. I get that it's self preservation but life is about risk, and without risk there is limited reward. You deny yourself a chance at real happiness. And how nice to let the partner in your life know that they'll never be as good as the one before them. Then half the people who do this complain about baggage in others.

I wouldn't either refuse to work or half arse every job just because the I had just first job that I really liked fired me.
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#24 ·
I'm on my second marriage and it's leaps and bounds better then my first. I would say that I wish I'd met him sooner but then I might not have my two boys. And since he's 19 years older and I was 31 when we met I don't know how well it would've worked if I was much younger. He is the great love of my life.

I feel bad for people with a one and done mentality. I get that it's self preservation but life is about risk, and without risk there is limited reward. You deny yourself a chance at real happiness. And how nice to let the partner in your life know that they'll never be as good as the one before them. Then half the people who do this complain about baggage in others.

I wouldn't either refuse to work or half arse every job I had just first job that I really liked fired me.
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I agree with you that life is about risk. But after my first marriage I need to have some reason to take that risk again. I just don't have one. The most common question I have been asked since my divorce 4 years ago is would I marry again. My answer has always been if I found a good reason to. Just haven't found it yet. Add that to the hurdles I would have that didn't come with the last marriage and it seems, at least from here, an insurmountable feat.

My friends say when I meet the right one all these concerns and doubts won't matter. I Think not. Where fear creeps in is that I once married because of and for emotions...... I didn't think and got screwed for it. So now I overthink everything. Definitely about self perseveration but also about the well being for my girls. I don't want them exposed to someone who would use us.

So maybe someday I will have this flash of must make this happen. It's just hard to imagine from where I sit now :|

I am definitely pro marriage just not sure it is for me is all
 
#28 ·
When you meet someone that knocks you back with love and connection, you start to question your conviction. You find yourself desiring that high of the long-term, the feelings of security, closeness, vulnerability, hope and joy for someone else. Those feelings can soften the hardest hearts. They can also drive you away, if you are not ready.

I didn't think I would get married a second time. I just didn't think it was in the cards. I was resigned to making friends as best I could and dating a few women on as long-term a basis as possible.

My plan just all fell apart when I met and talked with my second wife. Sucks to be me. You just never know.

Edit: That doesn't mean I didn't dream of a great marriage and that lifestyle. I did, but was in realist mode and knew it was unlikely.
 
#34 · (Edited)
Most women that marry again, lets not beat about the bush, do it for financial stability and not to be alone. Anything else is BS, and only a fool will buy into it..especially if these women come with kids, drama, and nothing tangible besides sex to offer.
This is a gross generalization. I remarried and certainly didn't do it for financial security. I have my own money and a lucrative career.

Almost all of my female friends are successful career women or business owners and over half of them are remarried. None for money...all because they met guys who they wanted to spend their lives with. One of my best friends is a doctor and she helps to support her husband who's an artist and earns considerably less money than she does.

That being said, there's a lot of women who get married, stop working and spend their lives...both before and after marriage...being financial drains to gullible men...it happens. And it happens to women too. One of my friends pays alimony to her ex and will for quite a long time because she allowed him to be lazy and only work part-time during their marriage.

Bottom line, you either do what I did and marry someone with the same level of success and financial assets that you have....or you protect yourself financially. This applies to 1st marriages but is particularly true of 2nd marriages when you walk in with pre-established assets.

-Never support another adult. If someone refuses to be financially self-sufficient after you marry them, divorce them immediately before you end up with years of alimony payments.
-Have financial intimacy with your partner before you marry them. Know their spending habits, their financial morality, their credit rating, their asset/debt load and their long-term financial goals. If those things are not compatible with you, walk away.
-Get a pre-nup or allocate money to accounts that cannot be touched by your spouse. Make sure that your kids' assets are protected in accounts that cannot be touched by your spouse.

I have discovered a lot about myself since my divorce. I've had time to recognize my true feelings. I suppose I discovered that being single suits me. It's like trying a new food and thinking, "hey, this is good." that's how I am about not being in a relationship. After I was single a while, I noticed I liked it rather well. I enjoy the peace and doing my own thing.
I don't think there's anything wrong with staying single after divorce. Its actually initially what I planned to do. Although I enjoy the company, I certainly didn't need a man for anything. And I wasn't interested in casual sex...the thought of having sex with men I didn't have any loyalty to or care about long-term was just a gross idea. I also really like having private time to do what I want without anyone wanting something from me. So I planned to be happily single and just enjoy life with my kids, friends and family. I totally get your position and can understand the appeal of it.

Then by pure luck, I met my now husband. He is simply put, the most amazing person I've met. He's an amazing dad and is brilliant, hilarious, gorgeous, successful, sexy, loyal and kind....and I was just blown away....still am, every single day. I'm really grateful that I met him before all the lovely, smart women he works with figured out that he was divorcing.

I think being single can be fun, satisfying and a great life but if you meet the right person, it all goes out the window. Sometimes you just know what you know.
 
#35 ·
Ironically that's how I would describe all the women I have dated and had relationships with including the current one. It just isn't stated in such a way. It's more of this attitude that the post 35 year old crowd has. It's not necessarily that they loved their x partner more it was they gave so much to the first marriage they are unwilling to give that much again in a new relationship. I guess they feel that putting someone else first is something they did and don't want to do ever again.

So much as a I hate The premise of you do for me I Do for you that is exactly how I see it now. Would love to find someone who feels the same way and will give and take
I have no doubt that you can find someone like that.
 
#38 ·
Note: I was lucky to get away with alimony (just), but am paying child support (offset amount). Many men are not educated on the family law system, and are shocked to find out the hard way.
Being educated about family law is not gender specific. Anyone going into marriage needs to be familiar with the rules in their State.

By the way, alimony laws are changing. There are many states passing bills to severely term and put cap limits on alimony. Personally, it can't happen fast enough...adults should be required to be financially self-sufficient. No person should have to pay another able-bodied adult person anything other than equalization after divorce...its nonsense and encourages laziness.

Emotionally however, there are people that come out of the divorce process so damaged that there's no doubt that they should stay single. They basically have let their ex change who they are and make them so cynical and bitter about the opposite gender that they are better off just sticking to sex with random people who have no expectations for anything better.

Personally, there's no way I was going to let my ex-husband do that to me. I was always a happy, positive person and I left my marriage even happier and more optimistic about my future. I don't think all men are like my ex...in fact, I know they aren't.

There's no doubt you have to be very picky about the company you keep. I chose to be around people with similar values to me. But to assume that all members of the opposite sex are motivated by greed just because you made the choice to marry someone like that is unfortunate. Its a tragedy when someone lets their ex-spouse win in that way.
 
#40 ·
Bingo Bingo....you do realize though that you might have just upset a lot of women who currently benefit from this, and have made a professional out of it?

The laws are changing as you say, but as long as you continue to have feminists dominate family law, the progress remains at a snail pace.

It's because of the "able-bodied" comment you made here, that I keep saying in some posts, that some adults are like teenagers living off their parents..it's clear that laziness coupled with lack of work ethic and silly excuses is why some people want to stay at home, as opposed to the delusional I want to watch my kids (even when they are of school age).

I am definitely NOT like your ex :grin2:0:)

Being educated about family law is not gender specific. Anyone going into marriage needs to be familiar with the rules in their State.

By the way, alimony laws are changing. There are many states passing bills to severely term and put cap limits on alimony. Personally, it can't happen fast enough...adults should be required to be financially self-sufficient. No person should have to pay another able-bodied adult person anything other than equalization after divorce...its nonsense and encourages laziness.

Emotionally however, there are people that come out of the divorce process so damaged that there's no doubt that they should stay single. They basically have let their ex change who they are and make them so cynical and bitter about the opposite gender that they are better off just sticking to sex with random people who have no expectations for anything better.

Personally, there's no way I was going to let my ex-husband do that to me. I was always a happy, positive person and I left my marriage even happier and more optimistic about my future. I don't think all men are like my ex...in fact, I know they aren't.

There's no doubt you have to be very picky about the company you keep. I chose to be around people with similar values to me. But to assume that all members of the opposite sex are motivated by greed just because you made the choice to marry someone like that is unfortunate. Its a tragedy when someone lets their ex-spouse win in that way.
 
#42 · (Edited)
The laws are changing as you say, but as long as you continue to have feminists dominate family law, the progress remains at a snail pace.
lol...I'm a feminist. My mom was a feminist, my sisters are feminists, my daughters are feminists, my friends are feminists...and guess what, every single woman that I associate with takes pride in being educated, having a job and being financially independent and self-sufficient. In my circle, being dependent on a man isn't something to brag about....quite the opposite.

And in both of my marriages, I believed I have the same responsibility to contribute to the household finances and take care of the financial needs of my children as my partners did/do.

There are as many male judges contributing to the antiquated status quo on alimony laws as their are women. Please don't attribute this nonsense to feminists. Believing in equal rights for women has ZERO to do with the idea of endlessly financially supporting an able-bodied ex-spouse.

Bingo Bingo....you do realize though that you might have just upset a lot of women who currently benefit from this, and have made a professional out of it?
People are insulted by what they identify with. I'm simply stating a fact....alimony laws are changing and they're changing because they're unfair to working people who bust their butts everyday earning a living. Supporting an able-bodied adult during a marriage is ill-advised, in my opinion, but its an individual choice . Supporting them long-term after divorce is absolutely unfair and wrong...and the laws are starting to reflect that.

It's because of the "able-bodied" comment you made here, that I keep saying in some posts, that some adults are like teenagers living off their parents..it's clear that laziness coupled with lack of work ethic and silly excuses is why some people want to stay at home, as opposed to the delusional I want to watch my kids (even when they are of school age).
I don't assume to know why adult people choose to be dependent on others for long periods of time. I just know that I can't relate. I spent a lot of time and money educating myself and I enjoy earning a living. More importantly, I have children and as a mother, it is my parental responsibility to ensure I can take care of them financially on my own in the event of a major life event. My mother raised me to take pride in my own accomplishments...not to live off of someone else's.

Everyone has the right to make their own choices but after divorce, supporting an ex-spouse shouldn't be a life sentence. The marriage contract and the agreements made inside of it should be dissolved. It puts the onus of risk on the non-working spouse which is exactly where it should be.

I am definitely NOT like your ex
Sorry, I shouldn't bash my ex. He wasn't a completely bad person and I certainly was a pretty crappy wife the last years of our marriage, I was very checked out. He just wasn't for me...we were completely incompatible.

The only thing that I can say was 100% his fault was our acrimonious divorce but its over and I don't wish him any ill-will.
 
#45 ·
Wolf, mate...we need to sit down for a drink or two lol. Either that or let me fly over there and shake some sense into you!! :D

Does your partner (if she's living with you she's not just a gf) know you feel this way? She moved in to share a home with you, she moved her child into your home. That's a huge adjustment for both of them - especially the child. She's taken a huge leap of faith and put her trust in you.

From a woman's point of view, hubby asked me to move in with him in November 2011. I agreed and was ecstatic. However, as we talked more it became clearer that our ideas of what this meant for our relationship were different. Our end game was the same...but we viewed the path to marriage slightly differently. I was crushed, I cried for days. I ended up saying no, and staying in my home. I said I wanted to wait until our ideas became more aligned. I have never regretted that decision. Over the next few months we talked several times and we reached a point where we realised that our vision for our relationship was now indeed on the same path, so with lots of excitement - especially from the little person - I moved in. That was ooh...early 2012?? We were married in July 2013.

My point is, I would NEVER have moved in with him, if he felt the way you do about both our relationship and marriage. Remember that I am his second (and will be his last, lol) wife. If your partner isn't aware of your feelings, you're doing her a huge disservice...she needs and deserves to know mate. If you're not going to marry her, you need to tell her.

What would make you feel more protected? Would a prenup help? Are you so scared of marriage because you fear you'll lose your assets or is it a paralysing fear of being so terribly hurt again? That raw, gut wrenching hurt that changes who you are. I suspect it is the latter...

I don't know what to suggest, counselling might help but they'll essentially charge you a lot of money to tell you the same thing as me - sometimes you just have to have faith...No one can guarantee that you won't be hurt again. Any more than they can guarantee that you won't hurt a woman either. As a second wife, I love and adore my hubby. I know some of what he went through with his first wife, and I am sensitive to some of those things for him. I would never betray him, or hurt him. I'm sure your girl feels the same about you.

You're such a good guy, you should be married...whether to your current ladylove or someone else I don't know. But I have to wonder, if you're still so unsure about marrying her, after the length of time you've been together - perhaps she's not the one...
 
#50 ·
Ohh she definetly knows. We discussed before she ever moved in about long term and marriage. I told her I don't know where I stand on that, still don't. Told her I am looking for a reason to trust in someone again. She knows I'm pro marriage just unsure if marriage works for me.

Since she moved in she hasn't done much to bind us closer. We have large gaps of communication. Not even close to the same page in terms of volume or what is shared. That has improved some as I have pointed it out to her...repeatedly, but yet not anywhere near where I would need it to be to be married .

We also aren't the same page about the kids. She is content to do her thing with hers and let me do the same thing with mine. I described this to a friend who said it sounds like we live as roommates and I can't disagree on that...the lack of communication and divide seems to be more a roommate with benefits situation.

Now all this said I am not unhappy. Don't misunderstand me. We get along great, never argue, have much in common. This is a very comfortable relationship and she obviously feels happy with it as well. We don't talk about marriage and don't know if or when that might ever come up. Think we are both content where we are at but if I found out she had a change of heart about seeing marriage as a necessity the yes we are going to have an issue that will likely end the relationship. I'm not there yet.

You mention counseling and I wasn't sure if you meant individual or couples but I have been to individual. Spent 6 months in therapy after my divorce trying to process it. Toward the end we did discuss the future and I laid out my concern about trusting another woman and all of that...her response was the same as my friends "when you meet the right one none of your doubts will matter" lol. So you're correct I could have saved a lot of money but this was an EAP program through work and was free advice anyway >:)
 
#51 · (Edited)
My first marriage started off great, even all the way through the somewhat tumultuous childbearing years. Then that's when my bi-polar XW caught corporate climbing fever within her DP department. A rather educated woman with a masters degree in DP, she was hired in a support role for a major South Texas utility firm. She hated her women bosses and being told by them what to do, so she started a fast friendship with the corporate VP over that section. He was in his mid-60's and she was just barely in her 30's.

Long story short, through sleeping with him, she got advanced over all of her bosses, but soon lost her moxy in reaching her "Peter Principle" level of incompetence along with the over- emotional way that she treated subordinates. Layoff time came around and she was among the very first to go along with her boss who took voluntary retirement!

This was my very first foray into being an unwilling victim of deception and adultery. But even so, I was still so very ill-equipped for what lay ahead of me in marriage number two! The deception that I found there from my RSXW, largely made that from my initial marriage seem like a passage from "Rebecca From Sunnybrook Farm!"

Now that I'm single yet again, but still desirous of finding that one very special woman to offer the completeness that I have always hoped for, I am having many trepidations in even beginning to trust a woman ever again, greatly to the point that I will often spurn date opportunities with them; largely coming to the often stark realization that perhaps I am not, or was ever meant to be marriage material!

That in some unique way, that my very own personal actions or inactions within the scope of those failed marital unions were somehow more than contributory to them, and quite possibly to any of my potential marriages overall demise!

Keeping in mind and knowing full well that upon letting my heart retrust in embracing a third marriage or relationship; that just another recurrent bout of infidelity, leading to yet another painful marital failure
would be lying there in wait somewhere just around the corner!
 
#53 ·
I think that if you are happy by yourself, you have a better chance of being happy with a partner. Note I don't think any man is an island, but I don't believe that everyone *needs* a partner. Some people here have stated they are happier on their own. No doubt they have friends and/or family who fill any need for human contact. Maybe one day someone special enough will change their mind, but if not, they're not wasting their life in a relationship that isn't worth the effort.
 
#56 · (Edited)
I never had much of a family .. no siblings.. one parent in another state, the other -we just weren't close.. just as some enjoy being single.. others Love to be with another.. it's not that I need it , or would settle for someone who annoyed me (none of us should do that!!)... I wouldn't die.

It's just that I greatly enjoy having a lover, a best friend by my side to share my everything with, movies, going out to eat, to wake up to, to cook for, all of it... this fulfills me... (when it's RIGHT)..

I also love a full house.. This too brings me happiness... my Husband doesn't mind it either.. the other day.. he gets up for work, eating breakfast...he notices the shoes.. says "those one's don't belong to us, wonder who spent the night?".... . our house is like Grand central station to our kids / their friends.. ..

I will miss this someday....
 
#54 ·
Back to # of marriages... a friend of mine...her greatest happiness was with #3 ...and it was #3 for him too...

We've only known them for about 6 yrs now.. but she's shared with me about all her marriages ...and a little of his.. and how they got it right this time around..

1st time married too young, they both made mistakes... 2nd time, after too many uncommitted types...she wanted a family man type to settle down (they had 3 kids) ...she said the chemistry was never really there...which took it's toll ......Now with #3... they've had some struggles.. but they overcame them.. its good to see..
 
#55 ·
My mother was a SAHM. I don't understand why it is looked upon as less than anything else. It's a life choice and in my mind a way that needs to be respected. It used to be a point of pride for a woman to find a man who was good enough to take care of her and provide a life that was a joy to her. She educated herself with books beyond anything formal. She knew as much or more than her husband in many cases, due in direct part to reading. She was all things he was not and complemented him in the best of marriages.

We hear of so many marriage back then that were disastrous, but they really weren't all like that. It's sad that more folks don't come forward with stories of how good it was, so that there is a contrast, just as in real life. No, women did not have the choices of today and that was wrong. When they got married, they were sort of expected to quit working since they were expected to start a family. That was considered a full-time job and they figured there really was not enough hours in the day for them to raise children properly and work. Those who do so and work today, have my respect. It isn't easy.

Arb, I felt really sad when I read your post. I hear you. I really do. Did you ever think that you might learn to deal with those things you consider a road block to your being a married man? I don't know what they are. The other thing I was thinking was that maybe it's just your perception along with not meeting the right woman? Seems to me you were in a world that included folks with money and enjoyed it. You don't have that kind of money and are therefore not included as a member of that "society". Do you think you could ever be satisfied with a woman from an equal level? Do you think maybe you were spoiled by that world(not your ex)?

Anyway, marriage isn't in the cards for everyone. I know there are many here where I live that just don't even bother dating. At some age, they just make friends with folks of their own gender and mainly hang out with them. They see no point in taking any attempts at a relationship seriously. Don't know if that is everywhere.

It sucks to have desires for something that can be so rewarding and not be able to achieve them. It feels like the world is patronizing and blaming.
 
#58 ·
My mother was a SAHM. I don't understand why it is looked upon as less than anything else. It's a life choice and in my mind a way that needs to be respected. It used to be a point of pride for a woman to find a man who was good enough to take care of her and provide a life that was a joy to her. She educated herself with books beyond anything formal. She knew as much or more than her husband in many cases, due in direct part to reading. She was all things he was not and complemented him in the best of marriages.

We hear of so many marriage back then that were disastrous, but they really weren't all like that. It's sad that more folks don't come forward with stories of how good it was, so that there is a contrast, just as in real life. No, women did not have the choices of today and that was wrong. When they got married, they were sort of expected to quit working since they were expected to start a family. That was considered a full-time job and they figured there really was not enough hours in the day for them to raise children properly and work. Those who do so and work today, have my respect. It isn't easy.

Arb, I felt really sad when I read your post. I hear you. I really do. Did you ever think that you might learn to deal with those things you consider a road block to your being a married man? I don't know what they are. The other thing I was thinking was that maybe it's just your perception along with not meeting the right woman? Seems to me you were in a world that included folks with money and enjoyed it. You don't have that kind of money and are therefore not included as a member of that "society". Do you think you could ever be satisfied with a woman from an equal level? Do you think maybe you were spoiled by that world(not your ex)?

Anyway, marriage isn't in the cards for everyone. I know there are many here where I live that just don't even bother dating. At some age, they just make friends with folks of their own gender and mainly hang out with them. They see no point in taking any attempts at a relationship seriously. Don't know if that is everywhere.

It sucks to have desires for something that can be so rewarding and not be able to achieve them. It feels like the world is patronizing and blaming.
I think on the feminist side it's looked down on cause some of them feel SAHM isn't associate with what the cause of feminism fought for. Contrary that's exactly what oringal feminism fought for....the right to choose. If that's what a woman wants and it fits the family no one should tell them otherwise.

On guy side maybe fear they will be take advantage in court? Or previous bad experience. At one time I wish my x would have stayed home with our kids. I kinda hoped that would heal her a bit and let her relax in happiness of a loving family. Wasn't to be. She loved the guys at work and her career more than us.

I only have two friends who have stay at home wives. In My career field this can truely be an assest. It could be that they are just great moms and wives, or that they focus on their family first but whatever it is those relatioships are rock solid. If anyone asks me how a good marriage looks it's those two couples I would refer too. Those two women are very successful and the envy of many of us :wink2:
 
#64 ·
Marriage #1 - What was I thinking?! I plead temporary insanity.
Marriage #2 - Met and got hitched too soon after #1. Total rebound relationship. I eventually came to my senses and figured out what really matters to me.
Marriage #3 - Yes! This is who I was meant to be with! Everything that the other two weren't, and more.

Do I regret #1 & #2? Not entirely - it was part of the learning and growing up process that allows me to truly appreciate how special #3 is.
 
#65 ·
Marriage #1 - What was I thinking?! I plead temporary insanity.
Marriage #2 - Met and got hitched too soon after #1. Total rebound relationship. I eventually came to my senses and figured out what really matters to me.
Marriage #3 - Yes! This is who I was meant to be with! Everything that the other two weren't, and more.
Marriage #3 - Give it time.

I don't see the necessity of marriage at this stage of my life. I can't think of a good reason to remarry. I mean what for?

I'm financially secure
I've already had my kids
I can have a meaningful committed relationship without a marriage license if that's what I want.
I doubt I will have a desire to co habitat again.
I don't wish for anyone to be dependent on me.
I agree with most of what you wrote - except- Co habitation is entirely possible without being married.

The risk benefit of being married makes it completely not worth it.

There's really nothing to gain and everything to lose. It's like saying you're going to rummage around in a fireplace full of hot ashes looking for some buried treasure that might be there but probably isn't. You're very likely to get burned and come away with nothing.
 
#68 · (Edited)
I'm my wife's 2nd. She walked away from her serial cheating ex. She left her house, HER cattle, the band equipment SHE paid for. She made more than him. She was done and walked away with her clothes and truck.

We met a month or two before her divorce was finalized in court. We are opposites in a lot of ways....together we make a complete person. I'm 6'5" 43yrs. Parole officer and very laid back do not get mad quickly, big ole teddy bear/romantic.

She is 5'4" 47 and is goal minded/get it done now, radio sales, quick temper. We complete each others thoughts, not just sentences.

She said she would go through all the heart ache with ex and 5 mis carries to get back to me. She said she never knew what love was or what a marriage could be until me.

At first she did not want to get married again. We married about 6 no after her divorce. That was 18 yrs ago! Marriage justs keep getting better.
 
#70 ·
I'm my wife's 2nd. She walked away from her serial cheating ex. She left her house, HER cattle, the band equipment SHE paid for. She made more than him. She was done and walked away with her clothes and truck.

We met a month or two before her divorce was finalized in court.
At first she did not want to get married again. We married about 6 no after her divorce. That was 18 yrs ago! Marriage busts keep getting better.
Here's a great example of why marriages fail. People don't give it nearly enough time. Your wife went through a terrible marriage. She wisely says she'll never get married again after going through what was most likely the most traumatic, and emotionally/financially damaging experience she ever had.

According to your timeline, she married you 7-8 months after you met.

You hardly know a person after that amount of time, and here the two of you are making what is supposed to be (yet another) lifelong commitment. She thought she knew her now exhusband when they married as well. And look what happened there.

I know, it seems to have worked out fine for the two of you this time around, and that's great. But it's the exception, not the rule.
 
#75 ·
This is my second marriage and I do wish I had met him first. However, I don't know how that would have turned out...with the way things are between us right now. I just know that like most people, I did not want to ever be divorced, it was very difficult, and I think if I had to make the choice I would choose never getting married to anyone over getting divorced even once.

That doesn't mean I don't love being married...this time, I really do love it. I also respect everyone's choices and decisions, even their decision to divorce one or more times, or never married.
 
#78 ·
I agree. Many would be ashamed at how the movement they started has been turned by some to oppress others. Maybe this is the way things eventually go....things started by courageous people eventually get pushed and perverse into what it was never intended. From what I read about feminism the goal was equality and never about oppression of men or women. But some extremists take it that far.
The issue for me and most feminists isn't about oppression of choice...its about recognizing that choices have consequences and often ones that don't just affect the person making the choice.

I have nothing against SAHPs...either male or female. One of my closest friends just made the choice to stay home for a certain number of years with her baby. However, she planned for it in the event that there is a life change. She is highly educated, she has her own money, and she has plenty of resources in the event something happens with her marriage. She could literally go back to work any time she needs to...she's a smart woman making smart choices.

She would never put her child in the position of suffering for her choices.

The reality of the divorce rate isn't a myth...and its something people should prepare for. The higher earning spouse should know the laws so that they're educated about what happens when their no/low earning partner makes the choice to divorce them. And non-working spouses should have a backup plan so that their kids don't suffer because they had no education or financial power.

Having choices doesn't absolve you of the responsibility of those choices. The poverty rate for divorced women and - more importantly - their poor children, who had no choice, is extremely real.

I have a great deal of disdain for people who willfully stick their heads in the sand and don't protect their children...then leave it up to hard-working taxpayers to bear the burden of their foolish choices.

If the Lord is at the center of your marriage it will thrive!
That would be news to my atheist in-laws who've been married for 56 years and seem very happy and loving to anyone who sees them.
 
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