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Have You Ever Felt An "Attraction" To Someone/People On TAM?

7K views 74 replies 37 participants last post by  speeedbump 
#1 · (Edited)
Is it normal to feel "attracted" to someone/people on TAM?

If so, why?
 
#9 ·
:iagree:

With only 31 posts, there can't have been too much interaction with any one particular TAMer unless Alice has been doing some serious lurking for awhile.

Having said that, OP your question is a "dangerous" one for this reason: are you fishing for a particular response from a particular person? In other words, are you hoping this particular poster will see your post, recognize himself as the person you are referring to, and then reach out to you privately via PM?

Because if that's the case, then yes, I think it's dangerous.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#11 ·
I think the OPs comments speaks to a common issue with the virtual world.

Its similar to FB in that everyone posts about what a great life they have and the rest of us average Joes living with all of our own issues can get caught up in why is everyone's else life so good compared to mine. My wife has a tendency to get caught up in that. She has a great life by any definition but to hear her talk she feels like a failure that has missed out on all the fun in life.

I think OLD falls prey to this in that people look at profiles create this image in their minds then talk over email or txt and it isn't until you meet IRL that anything real can be assessed. By then the fantasy created doesn't live up to the real person sitting across from you.

But to address the OP question: Yes it has happened. No its not healthy unless your both looking to connect IRL. The fantasy we create in our minds rarely lives up to reality and the other person is totally unaware this is happening. It can resemble stalking. Although flattering it could be uncomfortable.
 
#12 ·
No.

There's a reason I have private messaging disabled.

I look at everyone on TAM as a kind of teacher.

In my distant past, had romantic notions for electronic people. It took my attention from the here & now.

Even if I feel a kind of understanding with other members, at the end of the day I don't know any of them.
 
#16 ·
I disagree that the thread is a bad idea.

The OP has a legitimate question. She was reaching out and like many others before her I believe her thoughts questions or ideas deserves some attention. Even if only to dissuade them from going down that path.

I'm sure that others before her and after have been attracted to the extreemly intelligent, sensitive, witty, intuitive, stunninngly georgous people that post here on TAM.

I mean who wouldn't like us...we really are just that great. How could they resist. :)

Maybe I'm niave but talking about it isn't bad. Encouraging it not so much.
 
#18 ·
I think is a common phenomenon in all internet communities.

It must be a particular problem on TAM, because a lot of people who come here are in troubled marriages or have been cheated on. People who come here are probably in a phase of their lives where they feel the need for validation and love more strongly then normal. So yes I think it probably does happen.

It's important to be mindful and realise when you are falling into that trap.

I've been a part of online communities for many years and I've seen the negatives and the positives of them. I've seen people develop huge crushes on other members and then be hurt when those crushes are not returned. I've formed strong friendships with others that I still value to this day. I've also seen con men pray on the vulnerable and was once targeted myself.

What I've learned is that most people are genuine, nice people, but at the same time you never ever really know someone when you meet them online and it's easy to build a fantasy around a person.
 
#29 ·
There are a handful of personalities here that I feel - through their posts, a lifestyle... had I/we known them in real life .... (along with their spouse).... we would get along WELL..... I think they'd fit in wonderfully with our group of friends... have a cup of Java, oh & a beer for the guys .. and shoot the breeze...
... . then there are others ....

I've met 1 TAMer in real life ...I'd say she represented herself AS SHE IS ... if anything.. even sweeter than I would have expected... we had a great time.

Yrs ago now ...I laughed so hard.... there was a female poster who had a very PASSIVE husband (she is gone now)...we had some back & forths over another issue....

She shares with me about this 1 male poster...(long gone also)....that his posts leave her feeling like "a dripping puddle on the floor.. she just melts"...I mean everything he represented is what she WANTED in her husband..

I must admit.. He was admirable -but he also ticked me off plenty of times.. but that was fun too... Knowing her character /background ....ultra conservative... I just took what she said as "speaking out loud".. we all do it among friends... I didn't think anything more of it.. ...

Yet it was telling how one's contributions can AFFECT another on the other side of a computer screen.
 
#30 ·
Attraction with TAM members is a ligit topic even though it was posted by a banned user.

I know of at least one EA between two members who got banned a couple of years ago because of it. Another member was targeted by a troll and cultivated an EA in someone who had thought it could never happen to them.

Attraction is a real danger and boundaries are needed here as much as everywhere else.

This topic was considered in this thread from last year:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/192866-tam-crushes.html
 
#33 ·
I find a lot of people on TAM attractive.

The internet barrier is a good boundary but Mrs. Conan and I had to learn to establish great boundaries early on.

I meet loads of wonderful people in ministry and dangerous attractions can form quickly.

We have learned to keep strong boundaries that have allowed us to develop very deep friendships with people.

Meeting TAMMers irl would be cool. I would love to have a beer or coffee and shoot the wind for a couple hours. :)
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#38 ·
Mrs LaMancha gave me the hardest time ever for crushing on Wonder Woman and Carole King at the same time - because she said neither of them could be real! (Wonder Woman too strong and Carole King too musically talented to be true)
 
#57 · (Edited)
Nope, I don't think that's normal. I think I've liked and respected some people's opinions, but I still don't know them, so how could I feel attracted to them? It's like reading an article and falling for the author. I find it a bit absurd.

Edited to add: and upon reading the rest of the thread, I stick by with my assumption, she/he is not normal, lol
 
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