Been married for 3 years. Our relationship has always been kind of rocky. We never have "small" fights, they're always huge ones where he blames me for everything that is wrong in our relationship, he says that I am the one that started the fight-all the time, and he always calls me names or threatens to leave me and "go somewhere". We have been together for a total of 7 years. I used to think our relationship was great, but when I look back on it now, I start to question why I have even stayed this long. I should also mention that he gets mad at me for the most trivial things. Like if I were to buy new underwear, well I must be cheating on him then because who needs new underwear. He also watches the gas gauge and the odometers in our vehicles and he'll ask me what I did all day or how I managed to use "so much gas". He's very manipulative and is almost an expert at gaslighting. He had managed to break me down and get me to pretty much be his slave for about 6 years. But here lately my eyes have been opened and I have started doing things on my own and becoming independent again. He HATES it. He gets mad when I don't ask him to help me with everything, even something as simple as carrying a laundry basket. He tells me "well you just want to do everything on your own anyways, you don't even need my help." Also, if any of you know what pinterest is, he has it on his phone and so do I. He's constantly pinning quotes about what a terrible person I am or how I treat him like crap, or how his life sucks. I pretend like I don't see it because I don't want to draw attention to it. He's also cussed me out in front of my mother. PLEASE help me! Any advice is welcome, I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like we are past the point of fixing this, and that we might as well call it quits.
I'm not trying to be funny, but next times he leaves tell him not to come back. Then change the locks. If he wants to continue the relationship tell him it's mandatory marriage counseling.
He is a "grown man" with a Pinterest page for passive aggressive nasty quotes about you? I'm sorry but if that were not so very sad, it would be hilarious.
He is abusive by your description and needs therapy, lots of good therapy.
I think you need to start looking at information about emotionally abusive relationships. Please do so safely and make sure you clear your browser history. Your husband may be monitoring your internet use if he is monitoring your car.
I would like to mention that we do not have kids. I am 25 and he is 31. I have a full time job, most days I will work overtime that I don't get paid for just to avoid going home. He does throw things when he is mad, usually his phone, and he is no stranger to punching holes in walls or windshields. I'm not sure why I stay, I think it has a lot to do with my dad. My dad is the type of person where if you marry someone you stay with them. We also live with my parents. We had to move in with them a while back when I got laid off from my previous job and he was unemployed.
He's angry. He's paranoid. He blames you for this mess you call a marriage.
Do you have a full time job? If so, I would suggest you extricate yourself from this loon and get a protective order too.
He cussed you out in front of YOUR MOTHER???? WTF is wrong with your mother that she would tolerate such behavior?
If you want to have an independent life, and a healthy one, you need to get away from this guy. I'm not saying divorce, but I certainly think you need your own space to think things out.
People like this can become physically violent. Has he ever hit you or threatened to hit you? Has he punched holes in walls or thrown objects?
Frankly, I'd haul a$$ outta there. This is a man who sounds dangerous and unbalanced.
fwiw, I always recommend people to NEVER get married before they're at least 25, if not 30. You aren't done maturing, you don't know what you really want yet, things are going to change, you don't have good enough coping skills (for protection OR dealing with adversity) yet because you just haven't experienced enough.
And besides, you're so young - you need to go out and HAVE FUN!
He is working full time now. But he also plays this game where he'll ask me how my day was and then if say I had a really busy day at work, he'll respond and begin to tell me how he was sooo busy at work and he'll tell me about all this stuff he accomplished and how everyone was praising him for what he did. It's almost like he's patting himself on the back for doing the job he was hired for, and he wants me to praise him for it too. I get physically ill on Fridays now, knowing that I will have to go home at the end of the day and spend the whole weekend with him, it makes my stomach churn. I hate Friday, but I love Mondays now. I have tried talking to him about the issues we have in our marriage but he gets very defensive and shifts all blame on to me while he's accusing me of blaming him for everything. I don't blame him for everything, I'm sure there are plenty of things that I have done or said over the years that I shouldn't have and I'm willing to admit that. He never wants to admit to anything. The times that he has apologized to me, it never feels sincere. It's like he's just saying it because he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. There have also been times when I was trying to calmly talk to him about an issue and he would storm off and say "I don't want to talk about this anymore". I would say that I would like to talk about it and his response is always "Well you can talk all you want, but I'm done listening to you so don't talk to me anymore."
He is working full time now. But he also plays this game where he'll ask me how my day was and then if say I had a really busy day at work, he'll respond and begin to tell me how he was sooo busy at work and he'll tell me about all this stuff he accomplished and how everyone was praising him for what he did. It's almost like he's patting himself on the back for doing the job he was hired for, and he wants me to praise him for it too. I get physically ill on Fridays now, knowing that I will have to go home at the end of the day and spend the whole weekend with him, it makes my stomach churn. I hate Friday, but I love Mondays now. I have tried talking to him about the issues we have in our marriage but he gets very defensive and shifts all blame on to me while he's accusing me of blaming him for everything. I don't blame him for everything, I'm sure there are plenty of things that I have done or said over the years that I shouldn't have and I'm willing to admit that. He never wants to admit to anything. The times that he has apologized to me, it never feels sincere. It's like he's just saying it because he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. There have also been times when I was trying to calmly talk to him about an issue and he would storm off and say "I don't want to talk about this anymore". I would say that I would like to talk about it and his response is always "Well you can talk all you want, but I'm done listening to you so don't talk to me anymore."
THIS is a sure sign you need to end this. Talk to your parents, Im sure they will be more than happy to tell him to get the hell out of their house. You ARE being abused.
Well it doesn't seem too good. You guys have a short investment on this marriage and not much to hold you together (e.g. Children) might be better for both of you to call it a day and try again in order to find someone mire compatible. All the best
Is it bad that I feel guilty about wanting to leave? I just don't feel like I have anything left to give anymore. I'm not willing to go to couple's counseling anymore. I feel like I don't want anything to be fixed anymore because so much damage has already been done and how could I forget that.
No, it isnt "bad" to feel guilty, its perfectly normal. You made a commitment and feel the pull that you need to make it work. The fact that this is how you feel, and so early on, is a sure sign that you need to get out. Its your self preservation kicking in, listen to it.
The best way to get him to a healthier place, at this stage, is for you to separate and say to him "I can't be with you the way you are. If you still want to be with me, you'll have to get help first, or else I'm moving on."
Also, if any of you know what pinterest is, he has it on his phone and so do I. He's constantly pinning quotes about what a terrible person I am or how I treat him like crap, or how his life sucks.
I thought only children did stuff like that. You married a little boy? Tell him to grow up.
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