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Advice please

835 views 3 replies 3 participants last post by  thatbpguy 
#1 ·
My boyfriend and I had a great relationship starting out. We made sure that we spent time with each other and we always expressed our love for each other. Currently his mom and sister stays with him. They had been there before we met so I never really questioned it. I knew that he had a good heart and liked to help because we started out as friends and that's how he was towards me. I lived with my boyfriend for about three months but it didn't work because they have animals which I hate. And his mom and sister always had the animals out so I left. My boyfriend is now is in the process of trying to get his mom a house. However she doesn't work or do anything. Basically he does all the work. He mostly cooks and cleans while providing for them. I decided we needed to talk about our future so I asked him about how was this going to work. Like does he plan to provide for two households. He told me that his mom would be getting a social security check soon so he would pay on the house until then. I said to him "so you're going to be paying on this house and you're telling me she's waiting on a social security check which means that when she falls short uou are still financially responsible." I let him know that I was not going to be picking up his slack in our household because that's what comes first. I told him that if we get married our household is first before all. I also wanted him to know that's it's not fair for him not to have a life doing all the work while she sits home and does nothing.. I just feel like it's time for him to live his life now. I ended up breaking up with him because I knew that he would think I was making him choose between family and I didn't want to be in the middle of it. He eventually came back but I'm just not so sure. He got me a promise ring and he expressed to me that was the only one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. He keeps trying to tell me to just trust him but I don't want to take a chance and be here and nothing changes. I love him. He is very respectful and he lets me live my life. He also steps in when I need him too. However I don't like to ask him for things when I need it because I feel like he has so much on his plate. He doesn't have as much time for me anymore because he's trying to save for the house. When I need him I don't really feel like I can go to him because I don't want to put my stress on him. I want him to understand that I don't care about him seeing about his family but come on his mom is being pure lazy sitting around waiting on social security. I can see if she wasn't able to do for herself. But when he lost his jobs she didn't step in to help. Instead she was in her room smoking. And on top of that she has a degree in social work. What do u all think of this. I mean I love my boyfriend but I still don't know what's going to happen because when he came back to me we didn't discuss the issue again. But I did let him know that my decision was the same and he said ok. I need advice
 
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#2 ·
It's very telling when someone is willing to give to his/her family. It shows that the person is caring and dedicated! But, how much is too much? Trying to pay for two households is difficult for any person.

You need to ask yourself, if the worst case scenario happens and you both need to pick up the slack, could you spend your life with that? If no, you need to have a very serious conversation and express your emotions clearly and honestly. You wouldn't be a bad person. The situation simply isn't fair for anyone. Perhaps you two could come up with a compromise.

On the other hand, it is clear that you love him and is it worth giving that up at the thought of having to provide for two households? It takes some soul searching for find the answer, but it will be very helpful when coming to a decision.

As hard as it sounds, don't just take him back for love. To accept him is to accept the situation he's trying to place on you. Truly think on whether you can handle it or not. I hope this helps!
 
#4 ·
He is clearly devoted to his immediate family. Too devoted. I speak from experience when I say the issues with his mother will never end. You will fight this fight over and over and over and over.... And I can state with 99% certainty that it will be his family first and you second.

Hard as it is, move on.
 
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