Is my man just scamming me for babysitting? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 02:34 PM Thread Starter
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Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

I met him on normal, legit terms. We dated. We moved a little fast but both feel a little older and wiser after two divorces and children in our custody. When you know exactly what you want after years of experience, I think it's ok to move a little faster than would a single twenty-something. We moved in together. Everything is going great. I am treated very well, don't have to work anymore, etc. He works out of town a lot. He prefer I be with him on his trips, and by his side a lot when he is home. He has custody of his four year old daughter. That is where I start to have hesitation. He moved across the state to live with me. He had people in his hometown who could watch her while he was away, and has daycares set up for when he does have to take her on the road. However, it's obviously better for the child not to have to travel. He has gone above and beyond as a partner, and truly seems to have love for me. We have had many serious conversations and he shows a lot of interest in me and my life. But I can't help but wonder if it's all just a way for him to have someone at home stay with the kids (mine and his) so that he can more easily perform his work. He confides everything in me... which is flattering but again, sometimes I wonder if I am merely serving a purpose - as babysitter, confidante. I believe in love coming quickly to people who are cut of the same cloth, have the same beliefs, and are attracted to each other. We both have a lot of esteem and respect for each other, and have both worked very hard to be where we each were in life before we met. I just cannot get past the notion that it's possible it's too good to be true.

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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 02:38 PM
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

I'm sure that part of it is that you're a convenient caregiver for his child. But so what, everything is good, you don't have to work anymore, that's like saying this gift horse has a crooked tooth. It's still rideable.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 02:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

My take, which I am not proud of, is "if he is using me, I can use him." But - I really do love this guy. And love is so much better when you don't wonder if it's fake.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

PS - I put this in this category because in the ground covered has been the marriage conversation. Quite a few times. We (supposedly) really want this to be the real thing, for the long term.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 02:53 PM
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

He had people to watch his daughter but he moved away from them to be with you.

Doesn't sound like he's using you, he had people to take care of these things all along.

Unless you don't believe him when he says that.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

I believe there could be a little fudging or omission maybe. Maybe the resources dried up in some way, maybe he was just tired of it not being an actual family structure. Like manyo f us here, I have been through times which make it very hard to accept when something seemingly great comes along. Apparently don't handle it well! :P
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 03:51 PM
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

Moving in with a woman -to have easy access to babysitter.....well, that would be an EXTREMELY risky, pretty idiotic way to have a babysitter....

My dad was a single dad...married many many times. I can tell you without equivocation....the nannies were WAY less expensive than the marriages.

It just doesn't seem like a viable thing for a guy to do.

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 04:59 PM
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

Is he paying the rent? I don't see what the problem is. If he's paying all the bills, and you're home anyway - why not look after his child. You say you want this to be long term so treat her like a daughter. Do you expect him to put her in boarding school so you won't have to put yourself out on his account? Selfish much?
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 05:50 PM
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

Quote:
I am treated very well, don't have to work anymore, etc.
Well, if you don't work anymore and he is totally supporting you, I'm not sure why you are so worried that he's taking advantage of you for baby-sitting. For the amount he's paying to support you and your kids so you don't work anymore, I'm sure he'd be able to hire a full time nanny if he wanted to instead of moving to be with you and support you.

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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 05:52 PM
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

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Originally Posted by Ginevra View Post
My take, which I am not proud of, is "if he is using me, I can use him." But - I really do love this guy. And love is so much better when you don't wonder if it's fake.
So maybe this is the problem. You are projecting onto him what you would do, and are imaging he thinks the same way you do.


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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 05:59 PM
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

How long have you two been living together?

Where is the mother of his daughter? Doesn't the girl spend time with her mother?

Do you see yourself using him? If so how?
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 08:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

No, I don't see myself using him. I simply have a hard time wrapping my head around something this good happening - not his support, but a person like this falling into my life by chance. Things moved fast. Within a month he made the decision to move here. One of the first things I did, even before we made it "official," was watch his daughter for a week while he was away. I have absolutely taken her in as one of my own. My children have a month with their father during the summer, right now. She is the only kid I am watching this month. I never said anything about any of this being a problem and the word "selfish" being used is also hard for me to understand. I was and am concerned that I am being naive about potentially being taken advantage of - however, much of what's been posted here makes it make a lot more sense. Taking care of the child is not the problem... the question was: is the child his motivation? My sentiment was that I hope this love is real.
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-12-2015, 08:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Is my man just scamming me for babysitting?

Oh, and the mother is according to him a total deadbeat and is not in the child's life. I'd be elated if a day comes when she wants to call me "mom." Not sure how I came off as negative about watching the child... just looking for reassurance that I'm not being blind to something. He has a way of getting exactly what he wants and is absolutely not a naive person himself.
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