General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
similar thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago when my 4 year old tripped and shoved her tooth through her lip. I rushed off barefoot to hospital with her dripping blood all over the place. I was told by doctors that they would recommend a stitch in her lip, but that the waiting time before it could be done would be at least 3 hours. My husband had previously arranged ( well, the night before he had told me about it) to go out with a couple of people from work, and I had left him at home with our other 3 children, so I went back to the house ( only a block away from the hospital) to let him know what was going on. Rather than just immediately cancel his evening out, he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do ( I decided telling him to drop dead was probably not suitable in front of the kids!) It was obvious that he did not want to stay at home, so I said JUST GO, and if she still seemed to need a stitch in her lip in the morning, I would take her back to hospital. Not only did he go, but he never called during the evening to see how she was and came home at 3:00 am , drunk. Fortunately, her lip has healed up beautifully.
Yesterday he left for work, and I discovered when I went to drive my daughter to kindergarten that I could not get my car out of the drive because he had once again taken both sets of his car keys with him and was parked behind me. Again , he was out last night with co workers, and did not get home until after 1:00 am...not sure exactly when he got in, because I went to bed.
Tonight I am cooking him some lovely Jalapeno poppers for a little snack...spicy food has a tendency to produce adverse effects on him the next morning.....
Last edited by Earthmother1970; 10-25-2008 at 03:46 PM.
One (or 2 ) episode(s) does not a marriage make. Nor Does One or 2 of them break a marriage. Sure, there are times when he is going to get on your nerves because it will seem like he isn't taking the slightest effort to show he cares. But there will also be times when you get on his nerves just as much and just as often. But since it's YOU screwin' up, you won't be able to see it as clearly as he will. To him you are making a big deal out of a missed phone call or two.
You're mad now, but you probably won't stay mad if you take into account that your current mood has more to do with how outraged you are than anything he has done. When you vent, try to avoid complaining to him, and call a girlfriend who's a good listener. When he does something that irks you off, leave the room, think about something else that's going on in your life that deserves attention, then come back 30 minutes later and say "We need to talk about this later. We both can't hear the other because we are just too worked up."
How You feel about your husband in the quiet of the day is a more conclusive evaluation than when you are freshly burnt by an oversight.
The thing is I was not even mad about the daughter needing stitches and him going out to get drunk instead...just resigned. It was not the first time such a thing has happened, not the first time he has not called home, not the first time his family has proved to not be his top priority...it has been going on for years. It has been discussed, there have been promises of change. Those changes keep failing to materialize.
Sometimes I still get mad - mostly I feel apathetic.
Last edited by Earthmother1970; 10-25-2008 at 09:07 PM.
To the original poster, LOVEANDMARRIAGE:
I don't know what all is involved in your marriage and you don't make it clear whether or not this is a constant action of your husband. I can understand you being worried because you had not heard from him. Did you ask him why he hadn't called during his dinner break? Did you explain to him that you worry when he takes trips and you don't hear from him?
You hung up on him. I wouldn't be in a hurry to call you back. He did at least call you the next morning. Just because he didn't call you at the moment he arose doesn't mean he wasn't thinking of you. YOU chose to not answer the phone when he called. And if the game started at 3:30pm, he's probably watching it!
It seems to me you are being childish.
To the other poster, EARTHMOTHER1970:
If you have not had a serious discussion with your husband, hire a baby sitter and take him away and TALK. Do not 'accuse' or 'talk down' to him.
If you have already done this, and he has not attempted to change (if he has at least attempted, it shows he does care, even if he went back to his old ways), if counseling is out of the question, you should be resigned to go it alone.
Only you will know when you've had enough.
To the original poster, LOVEANDMARRIAGE:
I don't know what all is involved in your marriage and you don't make it clear whether or not this is a constant action of your husband. I can understand you being worried because you had not heard from him. Did you ask him why he hadn't called during his dinner break?
It is not a constant action, however he sometimes does not call me during the day when he is in town and that bothers me. However, I never told him.
I did not ask him yet why he did not call because I was upset and needed time. I did not want to say anything that I may regret later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyKat
He did at least call you the next morning. Just because he didn't call you at the moment he arose doesn't mean he wasn't thinking of you. YOU chose to not answer the phone when he called.
He usually calls me around 8-8:30am because this is before the kids get up. This gives us a chance to talk a little bit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyKat
And if the game started at 3:30pm, he's probably watching it!
It seems to me you are being childish.
He is not into football and he usually does not go the games because he does not want anyone from the group to ask him to go back on the bus.
Kitty Kat, thanks for your HONEST opinion. Now that I have not so upset, I may have overreacted. Right now I feel he takes me for granted (he has also admitted he does) and feel unappreciated and loved. Plus I may be PMSing.
You've admitted you haven't told him how you felt. That's a start. Let's face it: Men are by no means mind readers!
Also, there comes a time when some people are so comfortable with their spouse, THEY DON'T THINK. If this is your husband, he may simply think you know he loves you and doesn't need to remind you every 5 mins. forgetting that a woman sometimes needs to be told every 5 mins. that she's loved.
And he probably assumed that if your child's condition changed, you would get ahold of him. Again, men aren't mind readers and he probably has no idea that you are feeling this way. A soft voice w/o anger explaining the situation is hopefully all he needs.
I spoke with him and he said that the group he is driving is horrible. He said he had to deal with a bunch of tailgating drunks, so he too was not in a good mood. He apologized for not calling because he was in a bad mood all day yesterday. He said that during the 10 hour trip the group yelled and screamed because they were excited and drunk about the big football game.
Now that I have not so upset, I may have overreacted. Right now I feel he takes me for granted (he has also admitted he does) and feel unappreciated and loved. Plus I may be PMSing.
I honestly dont think you overreacted. Maybe you just reacted to the wrong thing. When my H used to not call me it would really, really piss me off. And i would overreact to that only b/c we had other problems.
The other day my H didnt call me when he usually does and instead of getting angry, i was worried about him. I wouldnt get upset if he didnt call me all day but that's b/c we're ok now.
so I think instead of just saying you overreacted, address the fact that you do feel neglected by him and that's just how it came out.
Husband is out of town and has not called...
