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post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-27-2008, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

Here is my story,
I married when I was 21. I knew my husband only for about four months before I got pregnant. He is eight years older than me, and was ready to settle down, where I still wanted to party and live life. We decided to get married b/c it was thought of as the right thing to do. We were only intimate a few times before I got pregnant. At that time, I didn't have much to compare my sexual exp. with my husband, but enough to say there was not much attraction or chemistry with him. He is a great person, but I never really was in to him. But now I'am pregnant and married to him. He was always very in to me from the beginning. He also said I love you before I did. I waited a whole year to tell him i loved him. Im not sure if I really meant it, but I felt a little pressured to say it. He became frustrated with the lack of love and affection I showed him. After the first year of our marriage and not receiving much love from me, he put up a wall and starting show a little resentment towards me. I never wanted to be intimate with him. First I used to tell myself that sex was bad b/c it got me pregnant, and second I just wasnt sexually attractive to him. I always suggested therapy, but he would not budge. So, i went on with life. I was raising our son and finishing school, so i was busy. 6 years went bye and we had another child. At this time, there was still the feeling of no attraction towards him in bed, and still the feeling of never really being in love with him was there. But at the end of the day he is a good man and a amazing father. I just felt these were the cards dealt to me and I just have to play them. We have been married ten years now, and the feeling of being great parents and roommates is the only thing we are now. Throughout the years I suggested therapy, but he always refused. This was starting to have a toll on me. I felt very lonley. I began to have an emotional affair with a co worker. If felt great to be recognized and noticed. There was no sexual comments, only friendship kind of talking. My husband found a text from him and accused me of cheating. I explained to him that nothing happened with him, but he didn't believe me. I felt maybe this was my escape to get out. I never saw this side of my husband. He went crazy!! The worst thing was nothing had happened. I almost wished something had happened b/c I was getting accused for something I hadn't done. This accusations lasted for about 3 months. We started thearpy, but I felt there was nothing left. During that time, I meet someone new, and actually had a physical affair. I was so fed up with everything. Throughout our marriage i was always faithful, but during this time i kept telling myself i wasn't doing anything wrong b/c we were seperated. The problem is, my husband really wants to make our marriage work. He still is only aware of the emotionl affair i had. I have decided to see if there is a way to fall in love with my husband and be attractive to him for the sake of keeping our family together. I can't imagine my sons not having that family unit growing up. But even though I knew nothing could come out of the physical affair Idid have, I kind of fell for him. The sex was amazing. So my question is: Do I stay in my marriage even though Im not sexually attractive to my husband???

So very confused in Kansas

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post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-27-2008, 09:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

Help me!!
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post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-27-2008, 10:04 PM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

First of all i would like to be sure, is it you who isnt attracted to your husband or him who isnt sexually attracted to you??
Becasue you came to say both things and it had me confused.
if its him there is a problem with, then he should see a specialist, and also he should read books about sex and should have done so long ago.. i mean 10 years! Geez! what have you been doing for 10 years??!
You are both young and were when you get married, how come you didnt talk about it before? why didnt you simply told him that you were disatisfied with sex?
So when you made love with him it was a prostitution of you cause your feelings werent into it and you had to force yourself to be penetrated by him!? but thats not normal at all! Why did you do that to you? and had him beleive that all was fine?
You also need to read books about sex and how to make love and get all kind of input and inspirations from those. Get info about it on the internet too, or even visit a sexolog.
It exist tons of books about the matter so you just have to get started. Do it together as a common project. Tell him that you feel no interest from his side and you dont see why he was so upset of you having a friend when he never gave a damn about you anyway.
As for you, you were wrong to marry him just because you were pregnant and also to have sex with a man you didnt knew well, wihtout using any form, of protection.. and what if he had AIDS?? 10 years a go that was the hight time for that and absolutly everybody was talking about protected sex, and condoms were everywhere.. you didnt noticed nor heard about that?
Second, since you married him, after a year in the marriage knowing you feel nothing for him you should absolutly have ask for a divorce and tell him about it.
You have been lying to hmi for 10 years now about your real feelings and lask of, for him, and you have keep him in a lie and thats why he feel so distant and behave as he does towards you. If you want to change things, you ahve first to change the way you relate to your husband, meaning to stop telling him lies and making him belive that all is fine and lyou love him when you never did.
So tell him what you just told us above.
Tell him you need to talk to him and very quietly expose to him what happened and that you only married him cause you were pregnant and that you never feel love for him, but stayed because he was a greate father, but that you never feel sexualy attracted to him, but that you are willing to work things out if he is.
You have to be honnest.
Then you have to see if you and him can renew your commitment to each others and make your sex life alive again and make it more exciting than it has been up to now.
If not, be ready for divorce cause no matter what you say you want for your kids, the man do not deserve to live with a woman who never loved him and who never told him the truth, and who only used him for economical and social comfort. Thats not fair for him and thats not alrigth not normal for you to live your life that way. You chose to live in a lie, but you FORCED him to live a lie without him knowing so.You have also to found out what you want out of life and to take the decision to jump out, and to stop to found comfortable excuses for not doing it just out of your sense of comfort and your fear of losing it.. losing what this husband gives you: a house, and a regular income.
It is trust abuse. And you cheat yourself from real life.
Take the plunge.
Unless he still want to stay with you when he will know the truth and unless you think you can love him if things change.
Because a couple with no love is a dead marriage anyway.

And btw about the kids, its far better for the children to be living with their mum who is finaly happy but divorced than to be in a marriage with no love and witness the parents indifference to each others.
So you dont need to use the kids as an excuse to dont do what has to be done.
And dont lie to yourself into the idea that the kids do not know those things. Oh yes they know and they have always know that you and your husband do not love each others and that you never loved him.. kids suck feelings like sponge from a very very early age..
And they did feel always, as peer pressure, the indifference of him towards you.
And it will weigh down on them for many years to come already..


A last thing about oyur relationship with your husband, it is very sad but you dont even have a friendship feelings with your husband.. Friends will talk together about everything and have fun, while here you never talk openly to him, never told him the truth, and never even told him about someone you met at work and was a nice pal to talk with.. had you done so, had you show some respect for him and treat him as a human being but also as your best friend, and husband, things will have been much better. But you closed him out of your world.

When there is no love and no friendhsip, tell me, what is left?
When you couldnt achieve that in 10 years, do you think you could make a 180 degree change on yourself and become so different that you will tell the truth to him and be open to him?
Maybe you blamed him always for getting you pregnant or you blame yourself for having married him or for having become pregnat of him..?
Found out. You had 10 years to work this out and to reflect about it, so you should know by now.
No matter what happen now, he lose.
Maybe he always knew that you never loved him and also stayed with you and never filed for divorce because you made a wonderfull mum and he loved the kids too much to pull them through a divorce..
Did you thought about that?
Tell him the truth, just try, and see what migth come out of that honnest conversation. The first one in 10 years. The first one ever, that you wil have with him.
Put all cards on the table, and be willing to "take the risk" of telling the truth. The result might be estonishing, unexpected, and renewing. You can never know before you tried. And if you stay together it might be the thing that will trigger a new understanding between the 2 of you, and make it easier for you to tell him the truth in the future, to communicate more, easier, and better, and to always be able to tell him directly how you feel. Cause from what you are saying, this is lacking a lot in your marriage: Honnesty and real communication.

I hope that this will help you and wish you good luck and courage with beign true to yourself and to your husband.


[oh and one last thing, you posted this post in the wrong board.. This board is for advice about the forums rules, while advices about divorce and relationship is above, as you can read. ]
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post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-27-2008, 10:30 PM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by lost wife7 View Post
Here is my story,
I married when I was 21. I knew my husband only for about four months before I got pregnant. He is eight years older than me, and was ready to settle down, where I still wanted to party and live life. We decided to get married b/c it was thought of as the right thing to do. We were only intimate a few times before I got pregnant. At that time, I didn't have much to compare my sexual exp. with my husband, but enough to say there was not much attraction or chemistry with him. He is a great person, but I never really was in to him. But now I'am pregnant and married to him. He was always very in to me from the beginning. He also said I love you before I did. I waited a whole year to tell him i loved him. Im not sure if I really meant it, but I felt a little pressured to say it. He became frustrated with the lack of love and affection I showed him. After the first year of our marriage and not receiving much love from me, he put up a wall and starting show a little resentment towards me. I never wanted to be intimate with him. First I used to tell myself that sex was bad b/c it got me pregnant, and second I just wasnt sexually attractive to him. I always suggested therapy, but he would not budge. So, i went on with life. I was raising our son and finishing school, so i was busy. 6 years went bye and we had another child. At this time, there was still the feeling of no attraction towards him in bed, and still the feeling of never really being in love with him was there. But at the end of the day he is a good man and a amazing father. I just felt these were the cards dealt to me and I just have to play them. We have been married ten years now, and the feeling of being great parents and roommates is the only thing we are now. Throughout the years I suggested therapy, but he always refused. This was starting to have a toll on me. I felt very lonley. I began to have an emotional affair with a co worker. If felt great to be recognized and noticed. There was no sexual comments, only friendship kind of talking. My husband found a text from him and accused me of cheating. I explained to him that nothing happened with him, but he didn't believe me. I felt maybe this was my escape to get out. I never saw this side of my husband. He went crazy!! The worst thing was nothing had happened. I almost wished something had happened b/c I was getting accused for something I hadn't done. This accusations lasted for about 3 months. We started thearpy, but I felt there was nothing left. During that time, I meet someone new, and actually had a physical affair. I was so fed up with everything. Throughout our marriage i was always faithful, but during this time i kept telling myself i wasn't doing anything wrong b/c we were seperated. The problem is, my husband really wants to make our marriage work. He still is only aware of the emotionl affair i had. I have decided to see if there is a way to fall in love with my husband and be attractive to him for the sake of keeping our family together. I can't imagine my sons not having that family unit growing up. But even though I knew nothing could come out of the physical affair Idid have, I kind of fell for him. The sex was amazing. So my question is: Do I stay in my marriage even though Im not sexually attractive to my husband???

So very confused in Kansas
so, lemme see...you weren't sexually attracted, but you had sex with him...ok...and...uhhhh...

do this...stay together and make sure your kids have a mommy and daddy...or continue to dredge up resentment.

but don't have affairs...it sure was a noble cause as i read it...and separated means stil married...letter of the law...you are adulterous and trying to justify the affair...stop it..

separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
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post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 07:39 AM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

I have to be attracted to someone and care for them before I have sex with them. I just can't make it with someone and not have any feelings for the person what so ever.
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post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 08:18 AM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

Since you have both expressed a desire to fix the marriage then try and move forward. Continue therapy and spend time together as a couple and as parents. There are years of damage to a marriage that was started on a shaky foundation anyway but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a successful one. You must discontinue all contact with both of the other men. You must realize that an EA can be just as damaging as a PA. You need to accept your husband for who he is and place value on his strong suites. See him as the loving father and good friend to you. A strong friendship can be a tremendous first step in building a strong and happy marriage. You have much work to do ahead of you so strap in for the long haul.

Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp
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post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 10:41 AM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

but amplexor, her problem is that they dont even have any friendship, basicaly they didnt knew each others before they get married, and she never feel love for him nor friendhsip, and they never talk together as husband/wife does nor as friends.. so they should never have get maried. He loved her but she didnt loved him.. I dont understand why she married him when she wasnt in love of him in anyway, nor had friendships feelings for him. t doesnt make sense and its very unfair for him.
I see no reasons to keep the error and the lie going on.
She lied to him about her feelings for him, and did so for 10 years! Thats a very long time for such a big lie!
She even pretend that her reasons fro not having sex with him were others than the real ones. Thats a marriage based on a lie and it will be best for him to be out of it.
She dont love him, she is not a friend to him, she lied to him all their life together, and now she has also cheated on him an dlike it better than her husband.. She had feelings for that guy that she never had for her husband, so where is the base for keeping that marriage?
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post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 10:49 AM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

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I have to be attracted to someone and care for them before I have sex with them. I just can't make it with someone and not have any feelings for the person what so ever.

i agree with that one comletely.

How could she have sex with that man when she was 19 or 21, without liking the guy nor loving him?
It sounds absurd. And she never seen him as a friend either.
So she went to bed with him and had sex with the guy 4 times without having any feelings for him, didnt used any prevention either, knowing she could get pregnant with a guy she barely knew and didnt love at all, and she get herself pregnant, of course, and married him only cause she was pregnant of him, and spend 10 years with him lying to him about what she feel for him, and even had sex with him even she didnt like it.. and did it unprotected again and get pregnant again.. and stayed with him because she was pregnant again and now she says she dont want to divorce thus she is more attracted to another guy than him, because she has the kids and its more comfy for her that they are home with her and him cause her husband provide for everything.. Meaning she repeated the same mistake 6 years in the marriage as she did when she met him.
Maybe its time for her to learn about life and to learn of her mistakes and to stop repeating them and to keep them alive.
She has to take stock on what she did and found out why, and to break the pattern she has been following for far too long already.
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post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-29-2008, 09:29 PM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

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but amplexor, her problem is that they dont even have any friendship, basicaly they didnt knew each others before they get married, and she never feel love for him nor friendhsip, and they never talk together as husband/wife does nor as friends.. so they should never have get maried. He loved her but she didnt loved him.. I dont understand why she married him when she wasnt in love of him in anyway, nor had friendships feelings for him. t doesnt make sense and its very unfair for him.
I see no reasons to keep the error and the lie going on.
She lied to him about her feelings for him, and did so for 10 years! Thats a very long time for such a big lie!
She even pretend that her reasons fro not having sex with him were others than the real ones. Thats a marriage based on a lie and it will be best for him to be out of it.
She dont love him, she is not a friend to him, she lied to him all their life together, and now she has also cheated on him an dlike it better than her husband.. She had feelings for that guy that she never had for her husband, so where is the base for keeping that marriage?
and what, leave her husband in a pile of ashes?

it's like he's been eliminated from the island. marriage is not the nfl playoffs, one loss, you're out.

her responsibility (we were never taught this, were we?) is to learn what it is that she feels is lacking, communicate that to him, work with him, and find it. if he's a man, he'll be by her side while she does.

she has a sense of justice. i like that:

"But at the end of the day he is a good man and a amazing father. I just felt these were the cards dealt to me and I just have to play them."

well, the cards weren't "dealt" by a stranger. the whole deck was laying there, you picked your cards up.

he's not a mass-murderer, child molester, physical abuser based on the post. maybe she tells him her issues and he says "screw it" and leaves HER. God forbid.


just because the state grants no fault divorce doesn't mean it's right.

separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
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post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-29-2008, 10:15 PM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

Voivod, I dont think that you understand the situation. If you read my other post, you will also see that it is what i told her to do.

There is absolutly nothing wrong with the husband and nothing that can be changed.
She doesnt love him and never did.
but she told him that she did .. by lack of courage to say the truth.
The question here is why she married him in the first place and why she waited so long, 10 years, and managed to have 2 kids with him, when feeling absolutly nothing for the man and not even be on friend foot with him?
He has been living on a lie. More exactly she made him live his life on a lie, chaeted him by having an emotional affair and then a sexual affair..
The alone reason why she stay is because its comfortable for her..
But is that right for him?
I dont think so..
Thats why i said that she should tell him the truth to begin with..
But you should read my previous post as i am not going to repeat myself again...

I dont understand why you talk to me like that, so angryly like if i was taking her side against the husband..
You think its alright for him to live with someone that doesnt love him and lied to him about her feelings since always?
She only maried him cause she get pregnant and even sleep with him before marriage without feeling anything for the guy.. and without using prevention.. and thats how she get herself pregnant..
I dont think its fair for the guy, and him being distant is clearly the result that he can feel she dont love him. She also dont want to be intimate with him..
Its already been 10 years of misery and 10 years in a lie.
You think its good for him to get another 10 or 30 years of that?
i dont think so.
I dont like that you isolate a post, take it like that, dont read the thread, and come wiht some sort of angry reaction like you were feeling personaly offended by it.
Had you read my first post, you will have understood what i was talking about.

Would you like to live with a woman that says i love you but never ment a word of it for 10 years?
To be told by your wife that she never loved you at all?
And that she got feelings for a stranger and not for you?
You can work on practical stuff like communication and sharing homecores, and amount of time spend together, but you cant work out on love. Nor on attraction. If the chemistry dont pass and she doesnt love him at all, what do you want to do?
Force it through? it cant be done..
Keep the lies til you die?
Who win in that story? Everybody lose, even the children.
Its better to tell the truth now, so at least the man got a big part of his life to found someone that will love him and wont lie to him.


At least thats how I see things. I rather be told the truth and can chose than been lied all my life just to "stay married".
Isnt honesty and sharing and respect and love, not part of a marriage?
If you lack those, what do you have left?
Oh yeah " at the end of the day he is an amazing father!" right on! meaning its quiet comfy for her to stay there anyway..
But what does he get out of it, but living in a lie?
Thats what i ment is basicaly wrong.
and her story is not about having an affair and leaving her husband for that crush.. its far deeper than that.
The central matter here is that she never loved him at all and she never told him so.And becasue she doesnt love him at all she isnt interested in being intimate and close and all the rest.
And he dont know that..
I dont think you understood that vovoid.
I think he might feel the ground falling under him when she will tell him that she never loved him, or say "somehow i knew", and he could very well tell her to leave.

Getting married is not about picking up the first guy, getting yourself pregnant, marrying him, and just living there with him like you will do a stranger, and not talking to him, and feeling nothing for him, and not feeling like making love with him cause you never feel atttracted to him at any levels anyway, and not loving him at all.
That will be extremely sad.
And thats not how i se marriage.
This one is a convenience pact.
But based on a lie, and therefor not convenient for both, only to her.

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post #11 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-29-2008, 11:16 PM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

******, this is your first post regarding this, right?

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Originally Posted by ****** View Post
First of all i would like to be sure, is it you who isnt attracted to your husband or him who isnt sexually attracted to you??
Becasue you came to say both things and it had me confused.
if its him there is a problem with, then he should see a specialist, and also he should read books about sex and should have done so long ago.. i mean 10 years! Geez! what have you been doing for 10 years??!
You are both young and were when you get married, how come you didnt talk about it before? why didnt you simply told him that you were disatisfied with sex?
So when you made love with him it was a prostitution of you cause your feelings werent into it and you had to force yourself to be penetrated by him!? but thats not normal at all! Why did you do that to you? and had him beleive that all was fine?
You also need to read books about sex and how to make love and get all kind of input and inspirations from those. Get info about it on the internet too, or even visit a sexolog.
It exist tons of books about the matter so you just have to get started. Do it together as a common project. Tell him that you feel no interest from his side and you dont see why he was so upset of you having a friend when he never gave a damn about you anyway.
As for you, you were wrong to marry him just because you were pregnant and also to have sex with a man you didnt knew well, wihtout using any form, of protection.. and what if he had AIDS?? 10 years a go that was the hight time for that and absolutly everybody was talking about protected sex, and condoms were everywhere.. you didnt noticed nor heard about that?
Second, since you married him, after a year in the marriage knowing you feel nothing for him you should absolutly have ask for a divorce and tell him about it.
You have been lying to hmi for 10 years now about your real feelings and lask of, for him, and you have keep him in a lie and thats why he feel so distant and behave as he does towards you. If you want to change things, you ahve first to change the way you relate to your husband, meaning to stop telling him lies and making him belive that all is fine and lyou love him when you never did.
So tell him what you just told us above.
Tell him you need to talk to him and very quietly expose to him what happened and that you only married him cause you were pregnant and that you never feel love for him, but stayed because he was a greate father, but that you never feel sexualy attracted to him, but that you are willing to work things out if he is.
You have to be honnest.
Then you have to see if you and him can renew your commitment to each others and make your sex life alive again and make it more exciting than it has been up to now.
If not, be ready for divorce cause no matter what you say you want for your kids, the man do not deserve to live with a woman who never loved him and who never told him the truth, and who only used him for economical and social comfort. Thats not fair for him and thats not alrigth not normal for you to live your life that way. You chose to live in a lie, but you FORCED him to live a lie without him knowing so.You have also to found out what you want out of life and to take the decision to jump out, and to stop to found comfortable excuses for not doing it just out of your sense of comfort and your fear of losing it.. losing what this husband gives you: a house, and a regular income.
It is trust abuse. And you cheat yourself from real life.
Take the plunge.
Unless he still want to stay with you when he will know the truth and unless you think you can love him if things change.
Because a couple with no love is a dead marriage anyway.

And btw about the kids, its far better for the children to be living with their mum who is finaly happy but divorced than to be in a marriage with no love and witness the parents indifference to each others.
So you dont need to use the kids as an excuse to dont do what has to be done.
And dont lie to yourself into the idea that the kids do not know those things. Oh yes they know and they have always know that you and your husband do not love each others and that you never loved him.. kids suck feelings like sponge from a very very early age..
And they did feel always, as peer pressure, the indifference of him towards you.
And it will weigh down on them for many years to come already..


A last thing about oyur relationship with your husband, it is very sad but you dont even have a friendship feelings with your husband.. Friends will talk together about everything and have fun, while here you never talk openly to him, never told him the truth, and never even told him about someone you met at work and was a nice pal to talk with.. had you done so, had you show some respect for him and treat him as a human being but also as your best friend, and husband, things will have been much better. But you closed him out of your world.

When there is no love and no friendhsip, tell me, what is left?
When you couldnt achieve that in 10 years, do you think you could make a 180 degree change on yourself and become so different that you will tell the truth to him and be open to him?
Maybe you blamed him always for getting you pregnant or you blame yourself for having married him or for having become pregnat of him..?
Found out. You had 10 years to work this out and to reflect about it, so you should know by now.
No matter what happen now, he lose.
Maybe he always knew that you never loved him and also stayed with you and never filed for divorce because you made a wonderfull mum and he loved the kids too much to pull them through a divorce..
Did you thought about that?
Tell him the truth, just try, and see what migth come out of that honnest conversation. The first one in 10 years. The first one ever, that you wil have with him.
Put all cards on the table, and be willing to "take the risk" of telling the truth. The result might be estonishing, unexpected, and renewing. You can never know before you tried. And if you stay together it might be the thing that will trigger a new understanding between the 2 of you, and make it easier for you to tell him the truth in the future, to communicate more, easier, and better, and to always be able to tell him directly how you feel. Cause from what you are saying, this is lacking a lot in your marriage: Honnesty and real communication.

I hope that this will help you and wish you good luck and courage with beign true to yourself and to your husband.


[oh and one last thing, you posted this post in the wrong board.. This board is for advice about the forums rules, while advices about divorce and relationship is above, as you can read. ]
i don't think my tone was much different than yours. i think this person needs to be kind to this man who it seems has done nothing to deserve being thrown in the recycle bin. i think if this is her decision she needs to hear what it sounds like. it a drastic response to a drastic decision. that's all.

separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7

Last edited by voivod; 10-29-2008 at 11:24 PM.
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post #12 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-29-2008, 11:20 PM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

******,

you said:

>>>>You think its alright for him to live with someone that doesnt love him and lied to him about her feelings since always?
She only maried him cause she get pregnant and even sleep with him before marriage without feeling anything for the guy.. and without using prevention.. and thats how she get herself pregnant..
I dont think its fair for the guy, and him being distant is clearly the result that he can feel she dont love him. She also dont want to be intimate with him..<<<<<

prostitute, that's the word you used. i agree.

in addition, don't you think it's HIS decision what he thinks is acceptable.


you said:

>>>>>The central matter here is that she never loved him at all and she never told him so.And becasue she doesnt love him at all she isnt interested in being intimate and close and all the rest.
And he dont know that<<<<<


like i said, she may COMMUNICATE this to him (novel idea) and he might say "f.u., i'm leaving." justice served.

if you were offended by my replies, you need to understand you weren't the target, the situation was the target.

separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7

Last edited by voivod; 10-29-2008 at 11:33 PM.
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post #13 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-29-2008, 11:27 PM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

Okay, so you wanted a guy to leech from? You used him for your own selfish gain?

Get a divorce. He deserves better than you.

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post #14 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-30-2008, 02:38 PM
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

unfortunately, he may have already emotionally built his life around this relationship. i'm sure HE had no plans on having another one.

separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


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post #15 of 28 (permalink) Old 10-30-2008, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do I stay in my marriage even though Iam not sexually attracted to my husband

Thank You for responding and reading my story. I have read your inputs, and still in much distress over my situation. One of the major issues that I'am dealing with is that maybe the reason I cannot be attracted to him or fall in love with him, is that in some wierd way, my youth was taken away b/c I had sex with him and he got me preganat. I was 19 and had the attitude of "its not going to happen to me", talk about being nieave. I do not blame him completley b/c i know it takes two to tango, but it happened. I also know now how is it possibe to have passionate sex with someone u barely know and being only 19. With only having two other partners before him, I could compare my sex life with the others. Before even being preganat, I told my friend that the chemistry just wasn't there. But here I was pregnant and had the attitude that the right thing to do is get married. If I could go back in time, I would have been smarter and used protection or just not have gotten married. But I can't, it is what it is. Another thing, I never had it in me, to tell him that he does not turn me on. How could I hurt his ego??? Life gets busy, and yes ten years is a long time, but when u have a family and a full time job and many extra activities there seems like there is never enough time. And ten years actually went bye very fast. My struggles that I have are: Do I not know how to love? He may be the father of my kids, but is he my mate? Can I make myself fall for him now, esp. after all of this?? Do I not sell my self short and stay with him b/c he is a good person and good father or see it an another way such as, Do I sell myself short or him short of something that may be out there for both of us???
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