First of all i would like to be sure, is it you who isnt attracted to your husband or him who isnt sexually attracted to you??
Becasue you came to say both things and it had me confused.
if its him there is a problem with, then he should see a specialist, and also he should read books about sex and should have done so long ago.. i mean 10 years! Geez! what have you been doing for 10 years??!
You are both young and were when you get married, how come you didnt talk about it before? why didnt you simply told him that you were disatisfied with sex?
So when you made love with him it was a prostitution of you cause your feelings werent into it and you had to force yourself to be penetrated by him!?
but thats not normal at all! Why did you do that to you? and had him beleive that all was fine?
You also need to read books about sex and how to make love and get all kind of input and inspirations from those. Get info about it on the internet too, or even visit a sexolog.
It exist tons of books about the matter so you just have to get started. Do it together as a common project. Tell him that you feel no interest from his side and you dont see why he was so upset of you having a friend when he never gave a damn about you anyway.
As for you, you were wrong to marry him just because you were pregnant and also to have sex with a man you didnt knew well, wihtout using any form, of protection..
and what if he had AIDS?? 10 years a go that was the hight time for that and absolutly everybody was talking about protected sex, and condoms were everywhere.. you didnt noticed nor heard about that?
Second, since you married him, after a year in the marriage knowing you feel nothing for him you should absolutly have ask for a divorce and tell him about it.
You have been lying to hmi for 10 years now about your real feelings and lask of, for him, and you have keep him in a lie and thats why he feel so distant and behave as he does towards you. If you want to change things, you ahve first to change the way you relate to your husband, meaning to stop telling him lies and making him belive that all is fine and lyou love him when you never did.
So tell him what you just told us above.
Tell him you need to talk to him and very quietly expose to him what happened and that you only married him cause you were pregnant and that you never feel love for him, but stayed because he was a greate father, but that you never feel sexualy attracted to him, but that you are willing to work things out if he is.
You have to be honnest.
Then you have to see if you and him can renew your commitment to each others and make your sex life alive again and make it more exciting than it has been up to now.
If not, be ready for divorce cause no matter what you say you want for your kids, the man do not deserve to live with a woman who never loved him and who never told him the truth, and who only used him for economical and social comfort. Thats not fair for him and thats not alrigth not normal for you to live your life that way. You chose to live in a lie, but you FORCED him to live a lie without him knowing so.You have also to found out what you want out of life and to take the decision to jump out, and to stop to found comfortable excuses for not doing it just out of your sense of comfort and your fear of losing it.. losing what this husband gives you: a house, and a regular income.
It is trust abuse. And you cheat yourself from real life.
Take the plunge.
Unless he still want to stay with you when he will know the truth and unless you think you can love him if things change.
Because a couple with no love is a dead marriage anyway.
And btw about the kids, its far better for the children to be living with their mum who is finaly happy but divorced than to be in a marriage with no love and witness the parents indifference to each others.
So you dont need to use the kids as an excuse to dont do what has to be done.
And dont lie to yourself into the idea that the kids do not know those things. Oh yes they know and they have always know that you and your husband do not love each others and that you never loved him.. kids suck feelings like sponge from a very very early age..
And they did feel always, as peer pressure, the indifference of him towards you.
And it will weigh down on them for many years to come already..
A last thing about oyur relationship with your husband, it is very sad but you dont even have a friendship feelings with your husband..
Friends will talk together about everything and have fun, while here you never talk openly to him, never told him the truth, and never even told him about someone you met at work and was a nice pal to talk with.. had you done so, had you show some respect for him and treat him as a human being but also as your best friend, and husband, things will have been much better. But you closed him out of your world.
When there is no love and no friendhsip, tell me, what is left?
When you couldnt achieve that in 10 years, do you think you could make a 180 degree change on yourself and become so different that you will tell the truth to him and be open to him?
Maybe you blamed him always for getting you pregnant or you blame yourself for having married him or for having become pregnat of him..?
Found out. You had 10 years to work this out and to reflect about it, so you should know by now.
No matter what happen now, he lose.
Maybe he always knew that you never loved him and also stayed with you and never filed for divorce because you made a wonderfull mum and he loved the kids too much to pull them through a divorce..
Did you thought about that?
Tell him the truth, just try, and see what migth come out of that honnest conversation. The first one in 10 years. The first one ever, that you wil have with him.
Put all cards on the table, and be willing to "take the risk" of telling the truth. The result might be estonishing, unexpected, and renewing. You can never know before you tried. And if you stay together it might be the thing that will trigger a new understanding between the 2 of you, and make it easier for you to tell him the truth in the future, to communicate more, easier, and better, and to always be able to tell him directly how you feel. Cause from what you are saying, this is lacking a lot in your marriage: Honnesty and real communication.
I hope that this will help you and wish you good luck and courage with beign true to yourself and to your husband.
[oh and one last thing, you posted this post in the wrong board.. This board is for advice about the forums rules, while advices about divorce and relationship is above, as you can read.