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"Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoughts?

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#1 ·
"Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoughts?

...I see these quoted often here with disdain...feeling any man who thinks like this -is inviting doormat-ism into his life, he'll be paying for it down the road....others would think that obviously his wife RUNS HIM...
Someone needs to get him a copy of >>
quick !

I'm going to say. .. Hold on.... it depends.. a # of times I've brought this up to my husband, because of the backlash of this phrase (of course I understand many ARE being taken advantage of -this causes anger & much hurt..and these men need THAT BOOK.. need to turn the temperature DOWN, show there will be some consequences, and loss of affections, etc)... ALL FOR THAT !.....The "Princess Syndrome" is very ugly & ruins relationships...

On the other side of the coin (where Princess Syndrome is not at play)...there are men who ascribe to it (my Husband is one!)....it hasn't destructed our lives...causing him to be seething in a corner somewhere worshiping the QUEEN, while I throw him scraps..

His caring for me, how I feel -no matter what we are going through, infertility the hardest.. I look back.. it has only held my admiration for him... when he loves on me, shows he cares for my happiness... why wouldn't I want to give back... isn't it supposed to work this way?? ...
As wives...we need to feel this way in return >>
..Would the man argue this will work against us?

I thought I would open this up and get a little deeper as to WHY, even relationship experts feel there IS truth to this..

The Nora Batty effect: how a happy wife means a happy life - Telegraph

The reason, they concluded, could be that women who consider their marriage happy are more likely to care for their husband, including feeding him and doing the housework, enhancing his general quality of life.

Happily married women are also more likely to boost their husband’s ego by praising him and less likely to give him the kind of tongue-lashing the broom-wielding Nora Batty specialised in doling out, they noted.

Men by contrast take a more “silent approach” to emotional matters and are less likely to communicate their feelings – good or bad – to their wives, they said.

Study Finds That 'Happy Wife, Happy Life' Is Pretty Dead On ...
A quick summary of this article ....Men who are unhappily married may still be 'happy' with their lives overall -- so long as their wives are satisfied with their marriages... Wives happiness didn't seem AS AFFECTED by their husbands' satisfaction.. (I wouldn't say that is always true!)

The author feels men are more likely to sit in their chair & silently stew about things before outright complaining.. whereas WOMEN ...well.. when we're unhappy... (disclaimer here - can I say MANY OF US)...we nag, we complain, we sh** test (article didn't say this.. I thought I'd throw that in)...we make it KNOWN.. only a very disengaged husband wouldn't notice our dissatisfaction ....if it's not verbal.. we will become resentful, start withholding SUPPORT...become colder, shut off the sex, rolling our eyes, calling our GF's to complain.. etc..
New Study: Happy Wife, Happy Life - ABC News
This article said "Relationship satisfaction is linked in different ways to men's and women's abilities to read each other's emotions, and it seems to relate more to positive emotions for men and to negative emotions for women," ...."Men's satisfaction was tied to his ability to identify when his wife / girlfriend is happy, but not when she is angry or upset."...

Going on to say "When men felt willing to express their anger or frustration, women took that as a sign that their partners were investing in the relationship...For most women studied, this translated into a sense of security or happiness for the women.

Men, by contrast, commonly expressed more fulfillment after their female partners expressed to them that they were fulfilled and satisfied in their relationships.

While the study, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, ultimately found that happiness stems from a willingness to try and understand whatever emotion one's partner is feeling, men tend to disengage when negatively aroused, while women tend to engage and want to discuss the problem.
Correct me if I am wrong.. but Isn't this true ....what was being laid out in the last article here... that men have more of a tendency to SHUT DOWN when women are negative, nagging, whiny....they respond MORE SO TO our happiness -our satisfaction... it DOES create a more fulfilling experience when the WOMAN IS HAPPY.. not being negative all the time.. at the very least.

I think we could agree on that.. this doesn't mean however, she should get whatever she wants.. not everyone is reasonable.. some of us are spoiled rotten.. we expect too much.

 
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#7 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Ugh, I hate those sayings. This is the kind of home I grew up in and I swore it wouldn't be the same when I had my own family. I just remember me, my brother and my dad tip toeing around mom all the time.
Ha! Bing frickin' O. There's way too much of this to settle for a blanket statement about happy wives.

In a reciprocal relationship it makes sense. Too often the phase is taken as an entitlement by the woman. And the underlying unsaid notion is that he should be making her happy. Can't happen.

~ Passio
 
#6 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

men have more of a tendency to SHUT DOWN when women are negative, nagging, whiny....they respond MORE SO TO our happiness
I think this is true. With my ex, this was the case. And it didn't matter what I did - or did not - do: she was negative. After a long time of putting up with her negativity, I gave it back - for making me unhappy, I responded in kind to give her a taste of her attitude, until I finally left since she didn't learn anything from it.
 
#10 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

In general, you could argue that if one person in a relationship is happy that it will likely carry over in some form to the other person/relationship as a whole, whether it be the male or female.
 
#32 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

In general, you could argue that if one person in a relationship is happy that it will likely carry over in some form to the other person/relationship as a whole, whether it be the male or female.
One might think that, but all too often and unfortunately it doesn't always play out that way in real life.

From the article...

Husbands who rated the quality of their marriage a one but whose wives rated the marriage a four were happy with their lives overall, while husbands who rated their marriages a one whose wives also rated the marriage a one reported low overall well-being. The inverse wasn't true for wives: Women's happiness didn't seem to be affected by husbands' satisfaction with their marriages.

One reason for this discrepancy in happiness, Carr explained, is that if a man is unhappy in the relationship but the wife is happy, she's more likely to provide him benefits that enhance his overall life -- she'll engage in sexual relations, provide emotional support and take on household chores.
Reading between the lines, this suggests to me that if a woman is happy, content, and satisfied in the relationship, she is less likely to notice, or care about her husbands satisfaction. As the article goes on to suggest...if she's satisfied, she's more likely to do things for him, but very often, his dissatisfaction with the relationship is because she isn't doing those things to begin with.

More generally, it seems that when one partner is satisfied, often they assume the other is as well, and see no reason to change. We see that play out all the time here on TAM, which is why the 180, and destabilizing the relationship is suggested as a means to get things back on track...to jolt the other partner out of their complacency.
 
#13 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

These phrases are problematic because they are rarely offered with a sense of reciprocity.

Also, I love the implicit, and sometimes spoken, other side of this.

Unhappy wife, unhappy life.

From the second article:
Carr said:
"If a wife is unhappy with her marriage, she's going to do something about it," Carr said. "She might complain; she might be less forthcoming with love and support. Men are not the ones to say, 'We need to talk about the relationship.' If they're unhappy, they're going to sit in their chair and stew over it."
Also:
Carr said:
One reason for this discrepancy in happiness, Carr explained, is that if a man is unhappy in the relationship but the wife is happy, she's more likely to provide him benefits that enhance his overall life -- she'll engage in sexual relations, provide emotional support and take on household chores.

As for why women's happiness doesn't seem to be affected by their husbands' marital satisfaction, Carr conjectured that wives generally have no idea if husbands are happy with marriages or not because men aren't socialized to discuss feelings, good or bad.
With the irony of course, often repeated throughout these studies, being that women do not often notice whether or not their husbands are actually happy, and regardless if they do, their satisfaction with life is generally less influenced by said husband's happiness.

Not really sure what to think about that one.

And honestly, I really do hate that second article.

Carr takes some personal (Men do not know how to communicate and women bring all the good stuff to marriage anyways) issues she has with marriage and gender relations and then uses a somewhat related study that actually says something else to backdoor her issues into the article.

At the end of the day I find "Happy Wife, Happy Life," to be little more than nonsensical garbage.

It should more appropriately read, "Happy Wife, Less Nagging, Possibly more Sex." :wink2:
 
#14 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Based on reading the entire OP, it seems to mean that if a husband believes his wife is happy, he is more likely to be happy. It isn't about him "making her happy." It is about his belief that she is happy and him doing what he can to bring happiness to her. If nothing makes a woman happy or if she is demanding and difficult to be around, then he would not characterize her as happy and would therefore not feel happy in the relationship.
 
#17 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Based on reading the entire OP, it seems to mean that if a husband believes his wife is happy, he is more likely to be happy. It isn't about him "making her happy." It is about his belief that she is happy and him doing what he can to bring happiness to her. If nothing makes a woman happy or if she is demanding and difficult to be around, then he would not characterize her as happy and would therefore not feel happy in the relationship.
Yes...this ^^^ .. looking past the phrase itself.. I guess this is the meaning I was gleaming, the
of it..

I don't think I am crazy to not see ALL THE BAD... Thank you for this little summary CynthiaDe ! :smile2:
 
#18 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Like most things, the more negative interpretation is the one that people seem to focus on. It seems that a lot of people do not understand what makes a woman happy. (And yes there are some female entitled princess… just as there are some entitled men. But I’m not talking about entitled bunch on the fringes)

When I read the below from one of the articles, what I read is that a woman is happier in a relationship when she can nurture her husband and help him feel better. This fills a woman’s need for emotional intimacy and feeling connected. A man is happier when his wife is happy. I don’t know why this is a bad thing.

”There is a certain skill set that goes into a successful marriage, she said, and one of those skills is being able to express positive feelings. The other is being able to discuss negative feelings in a way that is intended to heal and resolve the problems.

A relationship needs at least one person in it who can help lead a "repair discussion," Heitler said. If neither partner can do that, the hurt does not get resolved, and a bigger and bigger tear forms, she said. At that point in a relationship, "the fabric falls apart," said Heitler.

Yet since most women tend to enjoy being nurturing, she said, the idea that a woman wants to console or understand when her man feels blue makes sense.”
 
#19 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Like most things, the more negative interpretation is the one that people seem to focus on. It seems that a lot of people do not understand what makes a woman happy. (And yes there are some female entitled princess… just as there are some entitled men. But I’m not talking about entitled bunch on the fringes)

When I read the below from one of the articles, what I read is that a woman is happier in a relationship when she can nurture her husband and help him feel better. This fills a woman’s need for emotional intimacy and feeling connected. A man is happier when his wife is happy. I don’t know why this is a bad thing.
Speaking for myself here.. I NEED this from A MAN.. I could not be with the emotionally distant type... I would be seeking to get into his world...for intimacies sake.. so yeah.. I felt the article was rather insightful in relation to our happiness.
 
#23 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Whoever coined the phrase 'happy wife' didn't mean she always gets her way but that's how it gets interpreted. I'll support my wife, try to show empathy when she doesn't feel well, show appreciation most of the time because she's awesome, show disappointment on occasion because she's not perfect, and try to be someone she's proud to be with. That seems like the best recipe for happy to me and so far so good.
 
#28 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

I have lived in several areas of the country and this is nothing more than a catchphrase in some places and in others the sole accumulation of relationship advice given to men. There are several phrases that I hear that I feel are degrading to men and women. Some of it has to do with context of where it's said and the meaning behind it.
 
#31 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

I do appreciate your angle SA and trying to get away from the typical "interpretation". As well I do agree with many of the points you made, as I am sure you know :D I guess my point though, most people who are aware of this saying aren't on TAM, they don't hear it and go do research to understand the meaning a bit better. At face value you hear the saying and it is obviously one sided. I would guess guys would interpret this different than females. No different than if the saying was reversed "Happy Husband, Happy Life" would probably draw a different reaction from the genders. That is the reason why I would like to see the saying go away, as how I see most people outside of TAM interpret it, I don't find it in any way beneficial to a healthy relationship.
 
#36 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

I do appreciate your angle SA and trying to get away from the typical "interpretation". As well I do agree with many of the points you made, as I am sure you know :D I guess my point though, most people who are aware of this saying aren't on TAM, they don't hear it and go do research to understand the meaning a bit better. At face value you hear the saying and it is obviously one sided. I would guess guys would interpret this different than females. No different than if the saying was reversed "Happy Husband, Happy Life" would probably draw a different reaction from the genders. That is the reason why I would like to see the saying go away, as how I see most people outside of TAM interpret it, I don't find it in any way beneficial to a healthy relationship.
I am being completely honest when I say this.. "Happy Husband, Happy Life"..... ALL FOR IT.. not a hint of offense taken.. I BELIEVE THAT.. Heck.. I've seen the fruits of it coming back to me -in ways I have missed over the years.. when I upped my WANT of him, showing more appreciation... so maybe it's easy for me to say..

And it's true...my husband would be oblivious to the intended meaning by many, he is not much of a reader.. sometimes when I get too deep on something...I'll ask how he sees it...he'll tell me his "brain hurts".... I guess that's my attraction to forums.. as he only goes so far with some of my conversations..

It's not like either of us go around using these phrases.. not at all..

Beings I'm not going to pressure him to do a post here.. he has better things to do.. asking him his thoughts on this last night, why he is not offended like others... simple as it may be ..this was his response " Because I love you & enjoy making you happy... (pause).. I'm not ignorant" ...

But yeah.. he'd be miserable with this every day >>
...I know how that would go.. he just wouldn't want to come home at night.. he'd distance himself.. hang with the guys...who would that serve.. certainly not me -since I love spending time with him.

I have a funny story.. weeks ago.. we were pulling into a Grocery store.. I missed seeing this.. but boy was it LOUD, having our windows down.. .. this ANGRY woman YELLING .. "What the F*** are you waiting for!"... I guess she was hanging out the window giving the driver in front of her a piece of her mind...

My husband cracks me up.. he says "that's why men don't want to get married.. anyone married to that doesn't need to go to hell, he's already there !"... Listen.. I don't care if she's a woman.. his comment was GREAT !....our daughter was laughing.. maybe we shouldn't laugh... but we did....it was just so outrageous ! PMS overload or something.
 
#33 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Further reflection on the bolded conclusion from the article above, I submit that that is actually counter to the notion of implied husbands happiness some have suggested is there. That statement explicitly states that a woman's happiness in the marriage is independent of the mans...so maybe the phrase should be "Happy wife, happy life...for her"
 
#34 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Further reflection on the bolded conclusion from the article above, I submit that that is actually counter to the notion of implied husbands happiness some have suggested is there. That statement explicitly states that a woman's happiness in the marriage is independent of the mans...so maybe the phrase should be "Happy wife, happy life...for her"
That is what I was trying to wrap my head around as well lol.
 
#35 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

I'm another vote for dislike these slogans. I think they perpetuate a relationship dynamic that goes nowhere. How much they perpetuate it...I don't know but added to all the other negatives we're bombarded with it just becomes sad. I also think we on TAM are self selected to be a group that thinks about these things a lot more then your average drone.
 
#43 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

So the real question, the Happy Wife Happy Life phrase is horrible. there has to be a better phrase to use". Is there a similar phrase gay couples use, I assume this phrase would cause all kinds of confusion???
 
#44 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

So the real question, the Happy Wife Happy Life phrase is horrible. there has to be a better phrase to use". Is there a similar phrase gay couples use, I assume this phrase would cause all kinds of confusion???
I vote for this one... not as short as 4 words.. but it's got
written all over it... it's similar to the one I used in post #27... not to mention genuine love FEELS this way about another..

This also throws cold water on the "Happy Wife Happy life" in regards to her taking a passive role -with it ALL dependent on the man catering to her every whim..

 
#46 ·
Re: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"/ "When Mama ain't happy, Ain't nobody Happy"..your thoug

Since Ellis brought this to my attention... if anyone thinks I started this thread due to reading this thread >>

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/275282-so-much-gotten-wrong-i-cant-even-process.html (started by @Fozzy)... it wasn't the case.. as many were arguing the "Happy Wife Happy Life" thing on it..

I just caught up with that thread last night.. and was sickened basically by the attitude of this wife.. I laid out my thoughts on the Opening article >> HERE (Post #531) ...

I would never justify coddling a woman with such an attitude... just saying..

I started this thread -due to a post by Wolf1974 on ANOTHER THREAD .. I generally appreciate HIS views , being on the conservative side of the aisle but he rammed that phrase into the ground - as if any man who thinks LIKE THIS is inviting his life to be destroyed .. and I got to thinking.. well.. my Husband is one of those men!!! . and it hasn't hurt us at all.. so let's open that subject up a little!.. so there it is..

As in all things.. it depends how one looks at it.. how they USE it... Gotta run... it's the 4th of JULY !
 
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