He loves me, he has since we met 3 years ago. But now its only that. He has me, he loves me. No feeling past that. Even that sometimes I think is just a "i love you b/c i always have. You've been here and now i'd just like to keep it that way."
SOME men ENJOY the thrill of the chase, once they get the woman, they get a little bored, they KNOW they have you, and see no reason to exhort effort. It IS a destructive flaw that hurts many women. These types usually seek more conquests though, don't sound like yours is doing this. (one plus!) Was he EMOTIONALLY engaging, flirtatuos /romantic THEN? What has changed in the relationship over these last 3 yrs ? Any attaction issues?
My question is -- WHAT gets him excited ? What does he show spirited enthusaium about?
Do you feel he has other priorites before you OR you feel #1 -except this nasty lack of verbal & emotional sweet talking that many women get mushy over & frankly we ENJOY -- Makes us feel alive, loved, cherished & connected. There is nothing wrong with YOU for desiring this.
He's not romantic, mushy, loving, cuddly or anything. Its just life. He doesn't think about it. Love is not a thought that crosses his mind. He doesn't think about the good things... if he thinks about me its just about normal life things... not happy i'm in his life or anything. he's just not that deep. Its been this way for a while. We love each other and won't let each other leave ever. But ever since he "caught me" 3 years ago and no longer had to try, he just stopped.
I find this very very SAD - he sounds like a robot to me, dry as a saltine cracker and given your differences, you being invitingly deep, enjoy emotion being shared , I am going to warn
you, you may have been able to "put up with this 'this far" but you will get tired, this will drain the life out of you , you will always be seeking MORE from him, he will feel pressured (as he has told you he does not want forced) , it will be a tiring hamster wheel of each trying to get something from the other. He will want left alone, you will want what any normal woman wants.
This boyfriend sounds like a LONER, the type who can be happy with "just living" he has no need of anyone else for a normal -even if somewhat borning happiness . Has he been in other relationships? If so, who dumped who?
Is there any way to get him to care? To give him a heart.
Idk if it was because of his past or what but doesn't really matter. Emotions are useless to him and he just plain refuses to let himself feel anything.
Has he had trama in his past / childhood / hurt very deeply & closed himself up?? Is he on any kind of medication for Depression by any chance? If so , they have the ability, for some, to steal your emotions, making you a little "zombie like", zapping the sex drive and also all that warm & romantic stuff that goes along with it.
We aren't married although we should be by now. But now we arent gonna be able to get back to that point without him feeling something.
I love him and I'm NOT leaving.... I just don't know what to do. My gut reaction is just to freak out at him and that just plain doesn't work. I cry, he yells at me that i'm a cry baby. He doesn't care if he upsets me because to him I shouldn't be upset.
Emotions are just plain a useless, unnecessary, waste of time.
I don't know what to do. I threaten to leave, he gets mad and says that if I really want to leave then I should just go, its my decision. But ofcourse I don't want to... i'm just trying to get him to realize how easily he could lose me.. but he just doesnt see it that way.
Re-read what you say here carefully --- YOU feel you should be married by now, This translates to me he must not see it this way or you would be. YOU say you will never leave -he knows this, so takes you for granted. YOU cry, he yells, he DOESN'T care if you are upset because he has no use for emotions.
He even tells you to LEAVE-that you should just GO , it is YOUR decision. Basically what this translates to me is -he is speaking very loud and clear he has NO desire, and zero intention of changing, and if you want to stay, STAY but he will continue to be what he is - a robot and as dry as saltine cracker emotionally.
Yes, it is your choice.
My advice -- You will forever be chasing after the wind to keep this one interested. So not worth it - doesn't even seem possible. I agree wholehearily with the others, LOOSE this man. If you do not, you WILL regret it. He needs to be joined with an unemotional woman who maybe lives for her job or wants to marry for $$ & not caring about the man or his feelings towards her, something like that. YOu are not this woman.
Take these tests --learn more about You & His temperment differences -also you & his Love languages. "Verbal affirmation" & "Physical Touch" is obvioisly at the bottom of his list, he sees zero value in it. ANd I bet near the top of yours! Major disconnect with no care on his part. Huge Huge red flag. Learning our Temperments & that of our Spouses to better understand them.. What R You & Spouse's Love Languages & How does this affect your Marraige?