General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My husband (whom is Latin in case that makes a behavioural difference) seems to go through phases of rebelling against the fact that he's 35 and growing up. At the moment, he has taken to going out with his friends and not coming back until 7 or 8 in the morning. Which would be fine were it not for the fact that he a) wants to have babies soon, and b) wants a dog to practice for the baby thing.
I want to show him that he IS 35, that it really isn't cool to stay out all night, and that if he wants to have a dog and babies then he is going to have to be there to look after them.
I don't want to sound like a nag, but i really want to make my point without it becoming a tit-for-tat situation, which will just be exhausting for all.
has anyone else had a similar situation (i.e. man rebellion against growing up)? and how did you handle it?
has anyone else had a similar situation (i.e. man rebellion against growing up)? and how did you handle it?
I really have not been in this situation. It would be very hard. he's acting like a teenager, but you cant really treat him like one.
I was thinking of the nagging him and telling him to grow up...that probably wont work very well. then you just start to sound like his mom or something.
If he wants a dog and babies of course just tell him no and let him know the reasons. Maybe you should start going out on your own and getting yoru own life? maybe he'll wake up when he realizes you arent going to just hang around and wait on him.
Yeah, i've thought of the 'revenge' tactic, but that seems a little crude, and yet also i don't want to become a nag.
He is, as you say, acting like a teenager and it's difficult to know what to do as the response, as with teenagers, is wholly unpredictable.
It's blimmin' frustrating as aside from that he's a great guy, but he just rebels against any stage in our lives when he may have to grow up a bit. It was the same when we got married (and he subsequently almost f*cked it up by having a fling), then when we got a house (and kept spending money we didn't have on stupid gadgets)...
The confusing thing is that HE pushes for these things.
Cripes, i'm already bored of my internal dialogue as i just sound so MOANY. Sad thing is, i don't moan enough and maybe that's the problem.
I am 38 I still party with my boys and have a good time, Married 12 years, we have 3 kids.
Marriage is a compromise, when the kids are around he will be responsible.
they say, Puppies dogs equal 2.5 kids...I believe it since we had gotten a chocolate lab when my son was born, the dog was worse then th kids. but the dog grows out of it, not the kids...lol
Anyway, getting a dog before having a child could be a bad thing, dogs become possesive and protective, introducing a child to a dog that is used to the family of just dog, mom and dad...could be a negative.
As a Man I like to go out every so often and party with the boys and have a great time. But I am also a great father, I spend countless hours with my children coaching their teams and playing with them.
If you are expecting your husband to stop partying when you have children you are mistaken. Will he cut back? yes, there will have to be compromise from both of you.
Like when the kid is born, he can go out with his buddies, once a month or once every 2 months to party.
We have parties with our friends, they bring thier kids, we ahve ours, so we still aprty, but we also modify it to fit our current lifestyle of raising a family.
compromise is the answer, don't expect him to stop partying.
Yeah, i've thought of the 'revenge' tactic, but that seems a little crude, and yet also i don't want to become a nag.
I guess i dont think going out and getting your own life as being crude or vengeful. i just think its better to do things that make you happy instead of focusing on how to get him to do things to make you happy. Once you're out and not focusing on him anymore, you might find his behavior isnt so bad. Or you might find that he will come around and compromise on his own and you wont feel like you had to make him.
Husband thinks he's still 25! 
