Re: My Husband Hates me :(
At least insomnia gives me time to post lol. I hate sleep and it hates me back.
I was going to suggest moving into another room. A few tips, and these come from serious experience with mental health issues.
-you need to minimize contact but still show love. Google love languages and do the quizzes and have your husband do them too. Try to fulfil those and tell him directly that you are doing whatever action specifically because you love him. An example (if he is quality time and physical touch)would be spend time watching his favorite tv show and give him a back rub but insist that there can be no talking if that's an issue.
-tough love with clear and enforced boundaries. You need to follow through too. If something gets mad or annoyed or anything but loving, stop the conversation and say you love him and want to talk about it in counseling, but are unwilling to talk about it now and leave the room.
-loneliness and space and time are the most powerful motivating forces I've ever encountered. He will be driven to fix his issues, but only after sitting alone with his thoughts for hours. When you are around he can blame his unhappiness on you.
-I would suggest snuggling with him for 5-10 minutes in bed and then sleep in the other room. Again, enforce no talking if its an issue. It will be time he will deeply cherish and look forward to every night.
the closer you stick to those the better.
It would be ideal if the only time you saw him was a few minutes to cuddle.
Be creative and figure out what works and what doesn't. Cut out anything that doesn't. Show him love and tell him directly. Minimize contact. Make the short amount of time you do spent together something to cherish and look forward to.
Finally, find your faith again if it hasn't been a priority. Read sacred marriage if you are religiously inclined.
I'm not sure hormonal makes sense. Does he still have a sex drive? Does he have hobbies that he enjoys? Unless he has a diagnosis, a medical doctor won't be able to help. Men really work off one hormone - testosterone. If he still has a sex drive and isn't so high on testosterone that he is punching holes in walls, he is probably normal that way.
The porn addiction and not telling the truth aren't good signs. Also, not dealing with the death is bad too. was he just looking at porn or was it a full blown 3-5 hour a day addiciton?
Finally, there are going to be marriage issues and communication to fix, but the anger and whatever else needs to be under control first.
The goal in your actions needs to be to give him hours alone to deal with his emotions by himself, get him lonely and wanting to spend time and repair things with you, and creating short good times he will cherish every day. Also very clear boundaries and consequences. If he gets mad, don't snuggled with him that night. Tough love.
I wish you the best and God bless.
Last edited by anx; 07-06-2011 at 12:54 AM.