I messed up

liah · 07-06-2011, 01:06 AM

SO I messaged my BF's ex wife on her FB cause I have always been curious as to what happened to their relationship. He will not tell me, and I just want to make sure I am not getting into something I can not handle. Before you all tell me...I KNOW it was childish and WRONG. Anyways, I think she called him, cause he will not return any of my calls or texts now. So we are basically broke up cause I did that. We were supposed to get married and all, now I feel SO bad. Should I go to his house and get my stuff or just not have any contact? I am at a total loss

richards · 07-06-2011, 01:18 AM

If he's not willing to tell you why they broke up then he's probably hiding something from you. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. And by the way FB is bad news when it comes to relationships. People you hardly ever knew pop out of the wood work and you friend them for some crazy reason. Let me give you some advice about FB and relationships, get rid of it. Or if you have to be on FB only friend people that are really your friends.
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liah · 07-06-2011, 01:28 AM

I deleted it, its just the fact he is ignoring me over it. We have been together for 2 years. Just sucks.

BigToe · 07-06-2011, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by liah

SO I messaged my BF's ex wife on her FB cause I have always been curious as to what happened to their relationship. He will not tell me, and I just want to make sure I am not getting into something I can not handle.

I don't think I would have contacted the other persons partner, but I think you were wise to want to know why the marriage didn't work. In the future if you date another divorced man you should make "what happened to your marriage" the first question right after "let me see your finances", and if you don't get a good answer that you can believe without doing detective work, don't continue the relationship.

DayDream · 07-06-2011, 10:35 AM

Well, he is not totally innocent in this. Why would he refuse to tell you about his failed marriage and what happened? And how could he get so angry at you for inquiring (who cares HOW?) that he is not not even speaking to you? Really? You're together two years and all it takes is that to go cold on you? Maybe is IS a blessing in disguise. I'd think twice before getting back together again if he finally decides to show up again.

Jellybeans · 07-06-2011, 10:44 AM

Well to me it's obvious you don't trust him if you had to reacah out to the ex-wife. She prob feels like you intruded upon her asking her such personal questions.
It IS weird he hasn't said a single word as to why they divorced.

Now the issue is this: you aren't happy he's ignoring you. If he keeps this up, do you want to marry someone who stonewalls you? Hopefully you apologized to him and he does the same.

If not, no dice.

Jellybeans · 07-06-2011, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stillme4you

Well, he is not totally innocent in this. Why would he refuse to tell you about his failed marriage and what happened? And how could he get so angry at you for inquiring (who cares HOW?) that he is not not even speaking to you? Really? You're together two years and all it takes is that to go cold on you? Maybe is IS a blessing in disguise. I'd think twice before getting back together again if he finally decides to show up again.

You nailed it.

Has he stonewalled/blanked you in the past over things?

F-102 · 07-06-2011, 05:34 PM

He's got a deep, dark secret that he's hiding. Would you rather find out now, or 5 yrs. later when there are kids involved?

BTW-what did the ex tell you?

Six · 07-07-2011, 08:32 PM

Not a great move on your part, but not so terrible that it justifies the silent treatment.

It doesn't add up. Which means there's a component deliberately missing. I think you're gut was telling you there's something wrong.

Kudos to you for listening to the gut.

DayDream · 07-07-2011, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Six

Not a great move on your part, but not so terrible that it justifies the silent treatment.

It doesn't add up. Which means there's a component deliberately missing. I think you're gut was telling you there's something wrong.

Kudos to you for listening to the gut.

southbound · 07-07-2011, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jellybeans

Well to me it's obvious you don't trust him if you had to reacah out to the ex-wife. She prob feels like you intruded upon her asking her such personal questions.
It IS weird he hasn't said a single word as to why they divorced.

Now the issue is this: you aren't happy he's ignoring you. If he keeps this up, do you want to marry someone who stonewalls you? Hopefully you apologized to him and he does the same.

If not, no dice.

F-102 · 07-08-2011, 08:43 AM

I'm willing to bet that he did something to her (affair, abuse, addiction, financial irresponsibility...) and she dumped him, begged (or threatened) her not to tell anyone, and he knows that you would dump him if you found out.

F-102 · 07-08-2011, 08:44 AM

Here's a deep, ugly thought: look up his name on a sex-offender website-just to make sure.

magnoliagal · 07-08-2011, 08:46 AM

I've read your other posts. This is a blessing in disquise. This guy is a loser. You deserve so much better.

liah · 07-08-2011, 03:43 PM

Well after being "ignored" all night. I showed up at his house at 7am. He said he was on a lab until 2am and then came home and fell asleep. Meanwhile his spokes on his motorcycle (where I sit) were up. So I am assuming he was out. Don't know why he has to lie to me. I did not mention it to him. But I grabbed my stuff and was going to leave. He stopped me. And told me "I cannot act like this" and I have to "earn" the key to his house back. Now 3 days later he does not return my texts. He does call, but bites my head off at everything I say. I KNOW u are going to ask WHY am I with him? I have 2 years with him and I love him and I think he loves me or he wouldn't stop me from leaving. He would just let me go. Maybe I am desperate for love, I don't know.
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