Time apart - is it really so bad?
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Old 11-03-2008, 03:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Time apart - is it really so bad?

Hi everyone

For those who don't know my story, the short version: wife and I are going through a tough patch. We are both bored, with life and with each other. She is still very much in love with me. I simply don't feel that anymore. Feels like I need some space.

I see so many other couples (with a bit of a struggle), that pretend everything is fine. Eventually they drift apart, or inevitably have an affair. And then ofcourse the breakup or separation is justified.

I know about separtation and trial separation and all of that. I just wanted to know why is it so evil and bad to "break up".
Couples that are not married can do that. How are married couples different from that? We are also human, with flaws, are we not ?

For me it just seems like such a logical thing to do. We take time apart. Do some self search. Spend some time alone. Try to make new friends as individuals. Re-invent ourselves as individuals.
Become friends again.

I realize it can go the other way too, but right now, it is anyway going the "other" way for my marriage. Why wait till it errupts into an affair or a destructive divorce ?
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Old 11-03-2008, 03:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Time apart - is it really so bad?

Couples not married normally don't have as much to lose, or built upon.

Seperation in general normally doesn't end well.

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Old 11-03-2008, 04:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Time apart - is it really so bad?

There is nothing wrong with braking up, and there is nothing wrong with staying together. What is appalling however, is to deliberately create lukewarm monotony, when so much more could have been achieved.
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Old 11-04-2008, 11:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Time apart - is it really so bad?

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks; your marriage only belongs to you and your wife.
If one of you wants time apart, that is reason enough right there. (Naturally, assuming your reason is legitimate and constructive, as opposed to taking time off from the marriage to run around with someone else, etc.)
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Old 11-04-2008, 11:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Time apart - is it really so bad?

I think it's a pretty sad reflection of our society now days that a marriage is treated less than the commitment individuals make when they take their vows. What do people think, it's acceptable to walk out on the commitment they made to the other person just because they don't feel the rush of love like in the beginning? Amazing how pathetic our way of thinking is now days to not have the initiative and will power to set our minds to finishing what we started in our lives.
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Old 11-06-2008, 09:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Time apart - is it really so bad?

Hi SSP,

Here is a question: are you bored with yourself? I would suggest exploring that possibility, lest you separate, meet someone new, just to get bored again and continue on this mad cycle.

If you are not the source of the void, then by all means separate and find your happiness. Even though you may feel guilty about your wife, it is ultimately for her best as well. Nothing is more sad or unfair than a one-sided love traffic.
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