whodoyouthinkyouare

Married 18 years/together 20.

I've been documenting all the emotional/verbal abuse over the past 8 years and this is one I'm adding to the list......Son opened the patio door last nite to look at the pool as we were filling it and he didn't shut the screen door with the patio door and he told him to do it and he's **'in in the kitchen that "he always has to remind everyone about everything around here" and the he mumbles under his breath "dummies". I said "what did you just call us?" Son said "what did he call us mommy?". I said "something he should never call us!" and there was silence in the kitchen. Then the rest of the night he was all nicey, nicey - OVERLY nice!

God...I have the letter of "finality" written and read by my therapist in my purse ready to give him but I Just can't bring myself to do it unless we have a big blow-out then I won't feel so guilty. If I just wait for the big "blow out" where he belittles me and calls me fat, lazy and stupid again, then I won't have a problem throwing it at him and walking out. But I just can't do it while things are in the "nice mode". I am so weak.

alphaomega

There's no good time to do this. It will be hard regardless of when it happens.
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SadieBrown

Why should you feel guility? From your post I gather he has been verbally abusing you for at least 8 years. You have nothing to feel guility about. Give him the letter and move on.

WhiteRabbit

there shouldn't be guilt from giving him the letter...but there should be guilt from NOT giving him the letter and continuing to expose your son to verbal abuse...in addition to your son being verbally abused, he could turn into the abuser as an adult based on the example being provided for him now.

Halien

When he sinks to this level, its already evident that he has no respect. The letter will be a much-needed wakeup call. I'm so sorry for the pain this obviously causes.

My wife and I came from such different background that in addition to an understanding of words that we would never use, we even talked about the types of things that were not acceptable if said in anger. In her family, 'you big dummy' was just a joking way to indicate that someone made a mistake. But my father called my step-brother 'dummy' all the time, so it was a no-no word in our home, regardless of the occasion. Considering her Aussie slang, our list was pretty long, and I had to learn new ways of speaking.

rikithemonk

You know, I read this, and I think about my neighbor. His wife is the nicest person I know. She really is. But she is the Dumbest, most ignorant human that I have ever met. She caused an accident by coming to a complete stop in the middle of a busy road for absolutely no reason. She honestly doesn't believe she caused the accident. I have watched her sit and watch a movie and have zero idea what the movie was about when it was over. Personally the woman completely amazes me. I would feel bad for the guy, but for them its the perfect relationship. They fill each others needs. He gets to feel needed as he pulls her out of constant situations, and she has someone who can take care of her and protect her from the evil she just cant understand. It truly is a parent child relationship more than a marriage of equals.

My point is that She seriously doesn't see that she is dumb, and absolutely honestly cant understand that she is responsible for all the problems that she has brought into that poor guys life through her choices and actions. People seldom see their own short comings.

whodoyouthinkyouare

I guess I don't see your point riki....I'm not dumb and neither is my 9 yo son. My husband just likes to call us names to feel superior and make us feel bad. Even if someone I knew I thought was "dumb", I wouldn't call them that. I would help them understand in a nice, understanding tone and still be nice to them. I know what my shortcomings are and one of them isn't being "dumb".

SadieBrown

Wow.

I have to say I don't see what this has to do with the original post, but I just wanted to say I hope this couple doesn't have kids and if they do I hope she is not left alone with them.

dondistrict

I Think you are 100% right on with this response . He was not right for expressing his anger in such a childish manner , but SHE was the IDIOT that repeated it to her son who had no idea what his father "mumbled" under his breath . And men will be verbally aggressive at times , woman need to understand that sometimes , a mean statement is the only thing that a person who doesnt understand logic , will be affected by .

FrenchFry

Calling your spouse names is unacceptable. Mature, emotionally stable, "logical" people figure out means to express displeasure with another without resorting to name-calling. Blanketing all men as unable to do so does a disservice to men.

pidge70

Maybe you need to reread her post. She did NOT repeat it. She replied, something he should never call us.
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Dax

Are you kidding me? You're getting mad because he called you dummy? Lol you seriously have to relax and let go. Keeping a list of all the things he called you is simply going overboard. If you just let go maybe your marriage would be better.

Some things shouldn't be taken too seriously. There are a lot harsher words he could have used that I could see you being understandably pissed off at but to be called dummy? That's stretching it.