07-10-2011, 02:20 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
| | Running Out of Options
My W and I have been married 6 yrs. We have a wonderful 1 yr old girl. Unfortunately, we have never been able to get it together. Bottom line is we never think alike and although I am willing to accept our differences, she is not. It's either her way or its the wrong way. To add to our problems, she and my parents do not get along. She flat out hates them, and because I love them and want them to be a part of our lives, it is a constant wedge. Admitally, my mother has treated her worng at times, and vice versa (although neither of them recgonize it at all). So, it just a constant back and forth. For example, my W won't get my mom a mother's day gift, but she will my dad. So, this past b-day, my parents (I think my mom really) only sent my wife a card. This was only a couple months after they got me a nice gift for my bday. So, all hell breaks loose, but the main problem my wife has is not with my mom, but with me because I don't get so upset and mad at my mom. I do get upset, but not mad. And given the way things have been, I'm not sure how many more arguments with my parents the relationship can withstand (probably same with my wife).
So, because my reaction was minimal, and according to my wife I am "ok with my parents/mom letting her treat my wife like that" (this is the ongoing battle),our relationship continues to suffer. I told my wife I understand, and am upset, but what am I supposed to do. Call my mom out again. I did. She said, "I'm sorry you are upset, but this is the way I get treated, so I am not going to recipricate." My wife acknowdlges she treats my mom the same, but she says "she's the mother/adult, she should be the bigger person." I think this is her childish ways talking, but is there something to this?
One last thing. I want to go to counseling. She refuses, and actually makes fun of me for wanting to go and says if I do, its over. So, I hate to say this, I have been going secretly.