lonely married, scared to divorce
I've been married to my husband for almost 3 years, together for 7. We do not have children. We have seen a counselor since January. In the last year, I've found that my husband is a liar. They are not lies of infidelity, he's never cheated on me. He lies about our financial situation, and his job status, and our general stability and well being.
We also do not have much of a sex life. He never initiates sex. If we have it, it's because I've initiated. Lately, if we actually have sex, it's awful. We have sex maybe once every three or four months. This problem started a year into our relationship and has progressively gotten worse.
Communication is a huge problem for him. I am a very open and honest person, and I'll admit that I most likely want to talk too much. I try not to push him, but there are times when I feel we need to discuss our situation. He shuts down, gets defensive, and doesn't speak. He never suggests anything to help our problem. Our talks always end up being me lecturing him, which is never what I've intended.
I'm not happy with the relationship. I want a relationship that is open, honest, and intimate. I do not trust him, I find myself checking up on him all the time. I hate that I've become a snooper. I want to be loved by someone, respected by someone. I want to have someone who trusts me enough to share everything with me, good and bad.
Most days I know that I want to leave him, but every now and then I find myself second guessing myself. What if I'm looking for something that doesn't exist? What if I'm being too hard on him? What if I'm the one that makes him feel he has to lie? What if I'm the one that is making the relationship turn for the worse? He doesn't talk to me so I don't know what I'm doing wrong and therefore can't fix my faults. Leaving him could mean that I don't find anyone else to spend the rest of my life with and I won't have the family that I've always wanted.
I'm scared that I'm making the wrong decision. Is it normal to know you want a divorce but still have fears that I'm only jumping from one lonely situation to another? Am I asking too much of my husband? Is this just a case of me not being able to adjust to my husband's personality? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.