General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I think this society wants to be protected from itself. Challenges removed because they are so HAAARRRDDDD. Blame Facebook because otherwise you have to look at your spouse and realize you married someone with no moral character, a cheat.
Could we not shift part of the blame onto the victim?
Because as you said, "YOU married someone with no moral character, a cheat."
cant say I disagree with you lonleyman. For along time I waqs made to feel like a heel do to her past relationsships and the way she was treated. I took it to heart. worked in earnest to ensure my behavior didnt mimic the behavior of past boyfriends. Now I wonder how muc of a hand she had i her own failures in relationships. When I confronted her on her part. I did so out of anger and I was ready to accept whatever excuse she was ready to give in order to lessen my feelings. now I dont really care about losing because there is nothing left to lose.
The wife trolls your facebook, not because facebook is available for her to troll, but because she has insecurity issues. As her husband/boyfriend/piece of meat (sorry, I dont know), Id suggest you address these issues and the symptoms (her FB stalking you) should die down.
Me & mine both have FB, neither of us have any old flames that meant anything, and neither of us care who we add at all - we openly tell each other about any interesting add. He has had a few mysterious young women want to add him and we laughed about it.
He has my password, I have his, I would accually love for one of his old girlfreinds to befriend him, I would like to see a picture of her! I've tried looking them up out of curiosity. He would never ask them even if he did find them, it would be too strange, but I wouldn't care at all if they asked and he said yes, I would be tickled to see where they are now, and especially the one who dumped him, which allowed him to find me !
It is all about the relationship at hand, if all is Good, FB is of no concern at all. It is purely a tool.
BUT.... If things are shaky , if old flames are looking good & their marriages aren't on level ground either, enter a Mid life crisis , yeah, could spell the beginning of real trouble.
At the very least a spouse who wants to remain married and work it out needs to suspend FB until the marraige gets back on tract, where this is not a temptation.
It is a shame Facebook has been reduced to this though. I am not on it much, but I do enjoy it- for the most part.
Facebook can be a lot of fun, a way to keep up with people but its just a venue, a gauge in some circumstances.
My soon to be ex wife taught me a lot about this. As soon as I walked into a room she would hide her laptop screen, close it. It was clear she was trying to hide something and sure enough, it was an ex on Facebook she finally confessed.
Soon they were on the phone and she would lie to me about who she was talking too. Once I picked up the phone in the house to make a call and heard her on the line with her ex. She was very intoxicated and saying "I love you".
As she had no idea that I picked up so I walked outside where she was and casually asked "Whats up?" She said she was talking to her girlfriend. That set the stage for another huge round of lies and mental abuse from her.
If it sounds like a duck, looks like a duck and walks like a duck, chances are its a duck.
People who refuse to be accountable for their shortcomings, will blame whatever they can. And you don't "marry a person who is a cheat." Unfortunately, unlike cars, we don't have lemon laws for spouses. They don't even have 50,000 mile guarantees. They do seem to depreciate, especially if you have been lax on the upkeep, but sometimes they are just lemons.
I think the argument of wether FB is ok does come down to wether you have been hurt or effected by it.Personaly i think its great and dangerouse ,i like that you talk to familly far away ,you can also EASILY catch up or talk to people,you can also talk about things in private that would never be talked to each other in a face to face confersation.This iknow for a fact.
That speaks volumes about your marriage. I'm really glad for you! Things are obviously healthy or there would be cracks that temptation could seep into... like it does for loads of other people whose relationships aren't as strong and healthy. In my case, my H cast the bait to her, and she was ripe to bite. But if our marriage had been strong, maybe he wouldn't have gone fishing.
I am so sorry to hear that. I think its not Facebook but people, sure Facebook makes it easier to hook up with people but usually people from the past. I use FB to "escape" from reality but its through the silly games. I have many friends on there that I became friends with through this. They were friends of friends, and we ended up meeting and growing. As far as male friends, I have several on FB but never have any kind of exchange that I would care if my husband read or their wife. That's the test I give it, if both were in the room would I say it. I have one ex-boyfriend on there and at first I was not going to accept him as a friend but we were very good friends and many years ago had a nasty break up. He has since married and had 2 kids and so have I. It allowed me to resolve that issue (I was not very nice when breaking up)...anyway I told my H about him and he does not care and his wife knows too. We don't usually chat much only to comment on a picture or something.
But I do know what you mean, when my H first got on FB and old friend started flirting with him and him back with her then she started sending nude photos, cute huh? He left up his FB and I saw it and went through the roof. He apologized and unfriended her. In fact he almost never goes on FB. How you handled it, allowing her to see your profile etc. is the best way but if it still bothers her then you both should agree to use it or not but she needs to be on board with that too.
My point is if the person is not reliable and faithful, they really don't need FB they will find another way. By the way my H did cheat on me, but it had nothing to do with FB for him texting a "friend" lead to flirting, which lead to sleeping with her. But I think even without cell phones it would have happened.
Seriously, my girlfriend is talking to her ex on facebook, I just read the messages. Anyone ever deal with this or are dealing with this now? UGH
Yes. My husband and I were separated for about one month. I moved out and got my own apartment. When I left, he was so mad at me that he deleted all of our pictures together and all of me from his Facebook pages. I was pissed about that because I hadn't even had a chance to tell my family yet. Then last night we were going to link up as a married couple once again with the "he is married to her" thing, and he tells me to do it from his account, so he logs on. So I see the little message notification showing he had a message. Usually would be no big deal, because it was one of his friends telling him about some car parts, but then I noticed he and his long long time ago ex-girlfriend were having a long conversation about me. He was basically crying on her shoulders. I didn't read but a few lines of it, but then I told him, oh I see your messages with J&%$. He got all pissed off at me and said I should not be reading his stuff, but I couldn't help but noticed that he was basically trashing me. However, when I skimmed up to the more recent messages, he did mention to her that we got back together.
I understand him being upset and needing to talk with someone while being separated, but for him to get that pissed off at me for looking at it really throws me for a loop. He's the one who logged into his Facebook for me to add the married thing. Now I don't even want to be linked to his account at all. Also, he has trashed me at his work and with family members. He also gets on Mormon forums to debate Mormon's for wanting to be Mormon's and I can almost bet he has trashed me there too.
So I am really mad today and he wants me to be sorry. I'm not sorry. I'm pissed. Do I have a right to be mad, or should I be sorry? I saw what I saw and yes, probably should not have clicked the link to the messages area. I just wonder how many other secrets he has online. He always seems to be on the computer and I have learned that if I ask him what he is doing then it starts a big fight. So anymore I'm just like whatever. If this whole thing backfires on me and he is doing something not right, oh well, I'll just have to cross that bridge if it comes to that because I am not going to live my life being paranoid about every little thing. Life is too short.
I have my apartment until the end of September while he cleans up our house because there is now crap all over the place and it's a complete mess. I'm just wondering now whether I should move back in...
People who refuse to be accountable for their shortcomings, will blame whatever they can. And you don't "marry a person who is a cheat." Unfortunately, unlike cars, we don't have lemon laws for spouses. They don't even have 50,000 mile guarantees. They do seem to depreciate, especially if you have been lax on the upkeep, but sometimes they are just lemons.
I have learned that if someone is going to cheat they are just going to cheat and there is not a whole lot the other person can do about it. No sense in blaming Facebook or any other site out there...
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Re: Facebook Kills Relationships 
