Texting an Ex
I'm new on here, but I'm feeling so lost. I hope someone can help me. I've been married for two months, but things seem to be falling apart so quickly. The very day we returned from our honeymoon my husband's ex sent him a text, and he replied. EIGHTY SIX text messages and the next day, they ended their conversation. He didn't tell me he was having this conversation, even though I was right there in the room. I saw the phone bill, and the extreme number of texts going back & forth, so I called the number to see who this was, it went to voicemail and I found it was his ex-girlfriend - I forgot to add that there were also pictures being exchanged. He claims she was asking him about the wedding. And he was asking about her son. He swears the pictures were of the wedding and her kid. OH - KAY - if it was all so innocent, why not just mention it to me? I let it go, because his explanation seemed reasonable.
Flash forward a month, he texts her this time. Supposedly because she left him a message on Facebook. And he had to tell her not to do that because I'd freak out. WHAT? Who said I'd freak out? I wouldn't! Well maybe... if it was something inappropriate, like a sexual comment. Anyway, he said he deleted the FB right away, then sent her the text. I told him that by deleting the FB comment he looked guilty of something and it was weird, then I asked him what the comment was about. Here's the best part, he says "oh, she was asking about the wedding". Ummm, huh??? Wasn't that what she wanted LAST MONTH? So he gets all defensive and basically calls me immature and childish for being worried about it. I'm 38 years old, I'm hardly those things. But when your story doesn't add up, I'm going to get suspicious. Then he tells me he will let her know that he is "no longer allowed to speak to her". I told him that was fine, but not what I said. I just didn't like the secretiveness or what seem like lies. He proceeds to have a SEVENTY text message conversation with her to let her know that texting with her is damaging our relationship. Or at least that is what he said the content of the conversation was. He deletes the texts, I never see them.
Moving forward two weeks, she texts him at 8:00 AM on July 5th to ask for his advice about a burn her son received from a sparkler. Seriously?? This woman hasn't got a mother, a friend, or any common sense?? He did tell me immediately about this text. First time ever he was up front.
Now July 10th, she texts him at 9:30 at night to see how he is doing because she read on FB that he hurt his back. FOR REAL?? He has a wife. I take care of him. I questioned him about the texts, 7 of them, after I saw them on the phone bill. He blew up at me and said that I am being too insecure and he can't stand it. If I don't stop this marriage won't work. He basically threatened to leave me. So, now I feel that texting this other girl is more important to him than our new marriage. And I'm sorry, but I feel like she is up to no good. Why is she texting him with more frequency now, after she was supposedly told it bugs me?
I am devastated. And so sad. I told him that I wished I could just pretend not to be jealous for his sake, but it is how I feel. I told him that I think they are both being so disrespectful of my feelings. He said he loves me and that he wishes I could just accept that and quit pushing him away. He has agreed to go to marriage counseling, but since we both travel quite extensively for work it will be a while before we will be able to schedule it. In the meantime I'm searching for answers and hoping someone here has any advice at all??